


A Gays Only Event, Go Home

by HouseofCyphers



Category: NCT (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: AU - Group Chat, Because that's all I know how to write, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Not Idolverse, Other Idols Will Be Referenced A Lot, Trans Male Character, Will Add More Tags as Fic Goes On, also super self indulgent i'm Sorry, bc some characters actually get into relationships at some point . Whoops, but it takes a while to get to them tho, deleted the 'not rlly any ships in here' tag, it's just a modern chat fic idk what else it is, pls don't take this seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 36,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseofCyphers/pseuds/HouseofCyphers
Summary: arsonist: remember how i told you guys i would make a gc with my friend and his friendsstray kids and nct dream are in a group chat together and All Hell Breaks Loose
Comments: 57
Kudos: 171





	1. lmao i wrote this at 4:20 am

**Author's Note:**

> father figure - chan  
> bitch - minho  
> hot topic - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> soundcloud rapper - jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> sharkboy - jeongin  
> the rat from ratatouille - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> the actual sun - donhyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> babie - jisung
> 
> usernames Will Change Overtime

[ _User_ **_arsonist_ ** _has added 13 other members to the chat!_ ]

[ _User_ **_arsonist_ ** _has named the chat_ **_Friend Time, Bitches_** _!_ ]

**arsonist** : hehe

**knife cat** : chenle ?

**the rat from ratatouille** : huh

**the actual sun** : nani

**arsonist** : Silence Weeb

**the actual sun** : WHHCHD

**jenowo** : What Goes On

**bitch** : wh

**knife cat** : WHOM?

**soundcloud rapper** : WHOMST?

**pubby** : WHOMST’VE?

**stringbean** : WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON ,

**the rat from ratatouille** : chenle .

**arsonist** : remember how i told you guys i would make a gc with my friend and his friends

**the rat from ratatouille** : you What

**jenowo** : You What

**knife cat** : You What

**sunshine** : CHENLE !!

**arsonist** : FELIX !

**sunshine** : CHENLE !!!!!!!

**arsonist** : FELIX !!!!!!!!!!!!

**knife cat** : FELIX ? 

**bitch** : CHENLE ?

**stringbean** : CHENLE ??

**father figure** : WHY IS EVERYONE YELLING

**father figure** : oh this is A Lot Of People

**arsonist** : Ok Introduce Yourselves Thots

**bitch** : I Am Nobodys Thot

**hot topic** : Incorrect

**bitch** : BICTCHC

**hot topic** : You Are Your Own Thot

**hot topic** : practice self love

**bitch** : oh my god ,, yeah ur right

**stringbean** : thotting it up for the girls and the gays and that’s It

**arsonist** : INTRODUCTIONS

**arsonist** : pics of yourself would Also be nice

**arsonist** : but maybe later tho

**sharkboy** : got a gut feeling you’re gonna use my picture to catfish someone

**arsonist** : i May get bored A Lot but i wouldn’t do that

**arsonist** : renjun or jaemin might do that but i am a Good Child

**knife cat** : excuse me I Would NEVER

**the rat from ratatouille** : i

**arsonist** : I N T R O D U C T I O N S

**the rat from ratatouille** : OK FINE

**sharkboy** : oh my god it's remy

**the rat from ratatouille** : What

**stringbean** : that’s the name of the Rat

**sunshine** : did you not know ??

**the rat from ratatouille** : .

[ _User_ **_the rat from ratatouille_ ** _changed their name to_ **_remjun_** _!_ ]

**remjun** : i’m renjun

**knife cat** : i’m jaemin the Chat Bastard

**soundcloud rapper** : Felt That

**pubby** : oh God There’s Two Of You

**hot topic** : oh god oh Fuck

[ _User_ **_soundcloud rapper_ ** _changed their name to_ **_bastard_** _!_ ] 

**bastard** : There Can Only Be One

**knife cat** : BITCH

**bitch** : Hello

**stringbean** : gchchhcbdbdbf

**bitch** : o yea i’m minho

**stringbean** : i’m hyunjin

**father figure** : i’m chan

**sunshine** : chris

**sharkboy** : crispy

**father figure** : Please No,

**stringbean** : crispy

**arsonist** : crispy

**knife cat** : crispy

**remjun** : crispy

**hot topic** : crispy

**jenowo** : Crispy

**father figure** : Why This

**bastard** : No One Is Free From Sin

**bastard** : also i’m jisung

**knife cat** : FUCK

**the actual sun** : FUCK THERES TWO OF THEM

**remjun** : two bastards,, and now two jisungs,, and one of them’s Both

**bastard** : ???????

**arsonist** : oh that’s right my jisung’s not even HERE

**knife cat** : wikihow How To Summon A Park Jisung

**remjun** : alexa play car radio

**babie** : can you please let my old emo phase Die

**arsonist** : HE LIVES

**remjun** : No Never

**babie** : i fucking Hate This Family

**the actual sun** : GASP

**knife cat** : CHILDREN SHOULDN’T SWEAR

**jenowo** : Who Taught You That Word

**remjun** : jaemin

**knife cat** : I DID N O T

**babie** : i am 18.

**babie** : also why am i here

**bastard** : are you the Other Jisung

**babie** : the other What

**babie** : there’s More of me?

**bastard** : There Can Only Be One

**knife cat** : YOU STRIP ME FROM MY BASTARD TITLE

**knife cat** : AND NOW YOU STRIP JISUNG FROM HIS OWN NAME

**babie** : sir i picked this name myself Please

**bastard** : how ?? weren’t you a Tiny Baby

**arsonist** : he’s Still a tiny baby

**babie** : i’m 5’11 .

**babie** : and to answer your question i’m uhhhh [looks at smudged handwriting on my hand] Trains

**bastard** : OH

**sunshine** : OH WORM?????????

**babie** : WORM?

**sunshine** : ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ

**babie** : a

**arsonist** : my two best friends finally talking don’t look at me i shed a Tear

**bitch** : so let me get this straight

**hot topic** : minho i’m gay

**pubby** : so am i

**the actual sun** : Me Too

**remjun** : me too

**father figure** : Me too

**sunshine** : I’m Bi !

**stringbean** : so am i

**jenowo** : Same

**bastard** : we gettin Bi

**arsonist** : don’t really have a label but I Like Boys

**babie** : same here

**sharkboy** : same here !

**bitch** : Fuck Youre All Right

**bitch** : i’m also gay but Still . 

**bitch** : So Youre Telling Me

**bitch** : we have Two bastards

**bitch** : Two jisungs

**bitch** : and Two very valid members of the trans community here

**babie** : trans rights bay bee

**knife cat** : trans rights - babie

**babie** : And What Of It

**bitch** : is there any other two of Anything in the chat

**the actual sun** : i don’t? think so?

**sunshine** : uh

**the actual sun** : .

**sunshine** : .

**remjun** : oh my god

**bitch** : ok so we have Two Suns

**sharkboy** : technically it’s 13 Sons

**knife cat** : wh

**sharkboy** : We Are All Chan’s Sons

**father figure** : did I accidently adopt 6 more children

**the actual sun** : NICE

**sunshine** : wait we also got two emos in here I Think

**babie** : two What

**sunshine** : so wouldn’t that make them

**sunshine** : Black Hole Suns

**babie** : i

**father figure** : Are you calling Soundgarden emo

**hot topic** : felix is my life a Fucking Joke to you

**babie** : so you’re the Other Emo

**hot topic** : i mean i guess so

**pubby** : on the outside: dark. edgy. kind of scary looking. p intimidating.

**stringbean** : also on the outside but mostly on the inside: soft. loud. gives the warmest hugs. but could still probably kill you

**sharkboy** : just like hot topic itself,,

**hot topic** : why else did you think i gave myself this username

**sharkboy** : you’re Right my bad

**sunshine** : not to mention changbin’s got Arms bro

**sunshine** : like he Could kill at any moment but he is, infact, Baby

**hot topic** : oh thats right lmao yeah im changbin

**pubby** : Seungmin In The Chat Room

**bastard** : Jisung Jumping Off A Bridge As We Speak

**babie** : god i Wish

**bastard** : HUH

**babie** : whhshdhdhdjdjd i meant Me

**sharkboy** : ggchchchdbfbdhfb

**arsonist** : HCHDBDBFHF

**sharkboy** : i am Jeongin btw

**jenowo** : I’m Jeno . I Did Not Pick My Name

**sunshine** : cool ! I Did

**babie** : Me Too

**jenowo** : I meant my username. Jaemin Made Me Use This

**knife cat** : because just plain Jeno was too boring :// if we’re gonna have weird funny usernames we All gotta commit

**the actual sun** : I’m Donghyuck

**remjun** : mr. fullsun

**bastard** : Mr. Worldwide

**arsonist** : NO

**the actual sun** : GCCHHCHDBDBFHFBHFBFBFJF

[ _User_ **_the actual sun_ ** _changed their name to_ **_mr. worldwide!_** ] 

**pubby** : I Already Want To Leave

**babie** : you fool . you think you can just escape that easily

**babie** : i’ve tried for Years and you think you can just after a few measly minutes?

**babie** : pathetic

**pubby** : Eye

**knife cat** : damn tell us how you really feel then jisung

**babie** : you want the list alphabetical or chronological

**mr. worldwide** : You Fool . I’m Illiterate

**stringbean** : whattup i’m jared i’m 19

**pubby** : hyunjin you Just turned 20

**stringbean** : FUCK


	2. remember how i said everyone was emo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i want everyone to be aware that all chapters will be written at ass o'clock at night

**stringbean** : lmao i wanna cause a chain reaction

**mr. worldwide** : CHAIN

**knife cat** : DODODO DO

**arsonist** : REACTION

**stringbean** : NOT WHAT I MEANT BUT GO OFF

**pubby** : whats happenin

**knife cat** : isnt that what mickey says while running over to a ded minnie

**mr. worldwide** : you mean th

**mr. worldwide** : [DRAMATIC MUSIC]

**sharkboy** : _whahAppa_ ?

**mr. worldwide** : YEAH THAT

**stringbean** : ANYWAY

**stringbean** : this might activate yalls fight or flight reflexes but

**sharkboy** : i’m scared

**stringbean** : *ahem*

**stringbean** : do you have the keys to the hotel?

**mr. worldwide** : the What

**arsonist** : wait hold on

**knife cat** : OH FUCK

**jenowo** : What’s Happening

**jenowo** : Wait

**jenowo** : WAIT

**babie** : CAUSE I’M GONNA STRING THIS MOTHERFUCKER ON FIRE ,,

**knife cat** : It Has Started

**babie** : F I R E

**sunshine** : IN THE MIDDLE OF A GUNFIGHT,,,,,,

**sunshine** : IN THE CENTER OF A RESTAURANT,,,,,,

**babie** : THEY SAY COME WITH YOUR ARMS RAISED HIGH,,,,,,,,

**remjun** : remember yesterday when jisung said to let his old middle school emo phase die

**remjun** : Well That Was A Fucking Lie

**babie** : listen back then i was questioning a Lot Of Stuff and was just in Hell

**knife cat** : *heck

**babie** : And It May Have Been Horrible

**babie** : but the music is still good ok

**sunshine** : even tho mcr still goes hard i was more of a pierce the veil person rlly

**arsonist** : lmaooo thank god i was never emo

**remjun** : Shut The Fuck Up

**babie** : chenle was into nightcore

**arsonist** : [softly] I’ll Kill You

**sharkboy** : god,, Me Too

**sharkboy** : that And i unironically listened to cascada

**sunshine** : YOU STILL DO AND SO DO I

**sharkboy** : SHHHHHH

**knife cat** : bad boy is her best song don’t at me

**stringbean** : where’s the lie tho

**babie** : this is everytime we touch erasure

**arsonist** : cough overrated cough

**babie** : how Dare you

**babie** : this is 2012 anime amvs w stolen fanart and shitty transitions erasure

**sharkboy** : the backbone of our society,,,

**bitch** : i understand absolutely Nothing about what you guys are saying but I Support You, My Edgy Kids

**mr. worldwide** : oh my god are you the stepdad of the group

**bitch** : am i the WHAT

**sunshine** : FFCGGCHDBCHDBFBF

**pubby** : AHAHHAHABDHD

**stringbean** : w h e e z e

**mr. worldwide** : supportive but ultimately knows nothing and as a whole Did Not Sign Up For This

**bitch** : this is the worst day of my life . I Hate This

**pubby** : you wanna make it worse? :D

**bitch** : seungmin ,

**pubby** : don’t talk to us about edgy phases you had a whole vocaloid phase

**bitch** : SEUNGMIN .

**sunshine** : OH YEAHHHSBDBFHCBDBFB ME TOO

**arsonist** : LMAOOOOSJRNRNFJFJJFFJ

**mr. worldwide** : felix i have a Question

**sunshine** : Shoot

**mr. worldwide** : since you are Trans and have had a Vocaloid Phase

**sunshine** : Those Are All True, Yes

**mr. worldwide** : do you have the miku binder

**sunshine** : GOD

**sunshine** : HONESTLY I WISH

**babie** : if i die young

**babie** : bury me in satin

**babie** : lay me down in my Hatsune Miku binder

**knife cat** : wait hold on

**knife cat** : where’s the Dad

**stringbean** : the WHAT

**knife cat** : The DAD

**bitch** : ig that’s Me Now

**arsonist** : yOu’Re NoT mY rEaL dAd

[ _User_ **_bitch_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_stepdad_** _!_ ]

**pubby** : thanks! i Hate It

**stepdad** : since chan’s not here i have to Fill This Role

**stepdad** : clean your room

**knife cat** : going back to my first question uh Where Is He

**knife cat** : We Need A Supervisor

**remjun** : jaemin the youngest one out of us is 18 i think we have surpassed the need for supervision

**knife cat** : I THINK THE FUCK NOT??

**knife cat** : idk about you but i don’t trust sharkboy and jisung in the same room

**knife cat** : they might start a fire or smth

**babie** : when have i ever done anything bad Ever

**babie** : let alone burn something down

**remjun** : he’s right jisung. i could sense the inent.

**babie** : fuck you i’m gonna commit arson to spite you

**arsonist** : HEY I’M THE ARSONIST HERE

**arsonist** : you’re not damaging property w/o me

**sharkboy** : count me in too !

**remjun** : Ah, Teenage Rebellion

**sunshine** : Let’s overthrow the government !! :D

**mr. worldwide** : RIOT!! RIOT!! RIOT!!

**stringbean** : the future is bulletproof

**babie** : THE AFTERMATH IS SECONDARY

**knife cat** : TWO MCR REFERENCES IN ONE DAY??

**knife cat** : YOU MADMAN

**babie** : IT’S TIME TO DO IT NOW AND DO IT LOUD

**sunshine** : KILLJOYS

**sunshine** : MAKE SOME NOISE

**sharkboy** : oh why not

**sharkboy** : DUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUH

**pubby** : the One Time the chat’s being emo and changbin’s not even Here

**sunshine** : NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NANA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA

**jenowo** : omg jaemin this song was made for you!

**knife cat** : it’s true. mcr came up to me when i was 9 years old and told me they were gonna dedicate a song to me.

**pubby** : i sense an Inside Joke

**knife cat** : it’s rlly not i’m just called nana

**sharkboy** : is it because you’re old ?

**knife cat** : MY LAST NAME IS LITERALLY NA ,

**mr. worldwide** : HDBFBFBHCJFHF

**jenowo** : jaemin did not Choose The Emo Life

**jenowo** : The Emo Life Chose Him

**knife cat** : lmao jokes on you i never had an emo phase !

**remjun** : :)

**knife cat** : wait no

**remjun** : this isn’t Fair

**sunshine** : GCHCHFHBDBFBFBDBF

**knife cat** : i’m not gonna say it

**sunshine** : don’t you try,, to blame this,, On MEEE

**sunshine** : MY LOVE FOR YOU WAS BULLETPROOF

**knife cat** : BUT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOT ME

**knife cat** : FUCK

**sunshine** : tiktok brought back that song and i’ve been listening to my old emo playlist ever since

**pubby** : yeah about that felix uhh why the Fuck is coldplay on that

**sunshine** : don’t you ever just listen to the ghost stories album and just Cry

**pubby** : No

**pubby** : No I Don’t

**sunshine** : fine then be like that seungmin

**sunshine** : but don’t come Crawling Back To Me when a sky full of stars comes up on shuffle and you just break out in Tears

**babie** : if coldplay’s emo then twenty one pilots is emo

**knife cat** : REMEMBER WHEN I ASKED WHERE THE DAD WAS

**knife cat** : AND NO ONE ANSWERED ME

**sunshine** : oh ! lol chan’s producing smth with jisung and changbin rn

**knife cat** : so that’s also where hot topic’s been ,

**babie** : and Other Me .

**knife** **cat** : could say the same for me too

**jenowo** : Maybe Jisung Is All Of Us

**babie** : i don’t wanna be you

**stringbean** : AAAAANNYYYYMOOOOOOOOREEEE

**mr. worldwide** : Maybe The Real Jisung Was The Friends We Made Along The Way

[ _User_ **_arsonist_ ** _renamed the chat_ **_Jisung._** _!_ ]

**sharkboy** : BUT WHICH JISUNG ARE WE

**arsonist** : Yes.

-

**father figure** : i

**bastard** : WH

**hot topic** : I CAN’T BELIEVE

**hot topic** : I MISSED THE EMO DISCUSSION

**hot topic** : I’M LITERALLY HOT TOPIC

**pubby** : sucks to suck ig

**sunshine** : it rlly be like that sometimes

**arsonist** : can we get an f in the chat

**babie** : f

**knife cat** : f

**sunshine** : f

**stringbean** : f

**mr. worldwide** : f

**stepdad** : f

**bastard** : MINHOFNFNDBFNFBFBNF

**father figure** : cool now there’s Two Dads Here

**father figure** : add that to the list of doubles here

**babie** : cross jisung out because we’re all him now apparently

**bastard** : at least i have my bastard title and my Dignity

**knife cat** : Rub It In Why Don’t You

**bastard** : Rub

**knife cat** : [softly] i’ll Kill you

**stringbean** : jisung be ready to say your Famous Last Words

**knife cat** : STOP

**babie** : AWAKE

**sharkboy** : ANDDD UNAFRAID

**hot topic** : ASLEEEEEP OR

**sunshine** : DEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

**arsonist** : name a sharper object than the edginess of this chat

**babie** : The Sharpest Lives

**arsonist** : .

**arsonist** : i rlly just walked into that one

**sunshine** : THE SHARPEST LIVES ARE THE DEADLIEST TO LEAD

**pubby** : I Hate It Here


	3. gay panic TM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 9 am and i've gotten No Sleep pls take this
> 
> warning this chapter goes All Over the place
> 
> also ps every group has different nicknames for the users in it

**arsonist** : how dare you just BARGE into my home

**arsonist** : AND TELL ME WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING MOUTH

**arsonist** : THAT THE ENDING WASN’T COMPLETE BULLSHIT

**bastard** : NO OK OK LISTEN

**arsonist** : NO I DON’T THINK I WILL

**bastard** : L I S T E N

**bastard** : SO WE HAVE THE EVERYONE DIES TROPE, RIGHT

**bastard** : AND ALL OF HUMANITY’S GONE, RIGHT

**bastard** : EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THOSE 9 EPISODES WAS LEADING UP TO THE TENSION BETWEEN THE DEVILS AND THE HUMANS AND ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE

**bastard** : IT DIDN’T JUST COME OUT OF NOWHERE !! EVERYTHING WAS LEADING UP TO THE WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO

**bastard** : I.E THE FUKCING APOCALYPSE

**arsonist** : IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE IM TALKING ABOUT RYO SUDDENLY CONFESSING TO A DEAD AKIRA OUT OF NOWHERE AT THE VERY END OF THE SERIES

**bastard** : FUCK YOU THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SCENE

**hot topic** : In Jisung’s Defense

**hot topic** : ryo and akira could go under the Childhood Friends to Lovers trope umbrella, even tho they never rlly got together

**hot topic** : but ryo having feelings for akira Didn’t just come out of nowhere

**hot topic** : tho under morally grey decisions and a cold exterior ryo Always cared about akira

**arsonist** : “morally grey decisions” He Was Literally Satan But Ok

**hot topic** : HE DIDN’T REMEMBER HIS IDENTITY UNTIL LATER OK

**pubby** : the mikis deserved better

**arsonist** : GOD YOU’RE RIGHT

**bastard** : YEAH

**bastard** : MIKI MAKIMURA IF YOU’RE OUT THERE I MISS YOU

**arsonist** : i just wanted her and her spider gf to be HAPPY

**jenowo** : why is there devilman discourse in the chat ??

**mr. worldwide** : just sit back and watch it’s p funny

**arsonist** : where’s jisung he would back me up on the ending

**remjun** : chenle you tried to make him watch it and he threw up 4 episodes in

**arsonist** : HE STILL FINISHED IT WITH ME

**arsonist** : in his defense tho the black sabbath scene’s hard to watch for Anyone 

**jenowo** : oh lmao jisung’s with me rn we’re in my dorm

**arsonist** : tell him to get online and Back Me Up

**jenowo** : idk man he’s currently suffering rn

**remjun** : jaemin’s mom senses are tingling

**mr. worldwide** : Never Say That Ever Again

**knife cat** : BUSTS INTO THE CHAT LIKE THE KOOLAID MAN

**knife cat** : Who Hurt My Son

**jenowo** : it’s not about Who Hurt Him . it’s about What He Did

**knife cat** : JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

**jenowo** : he embarrassed himself in front of a cute boy :)

**knife cat** : OHCBCHBFFBBFBFB

**mr. worldwide** : OH?????????

**remjun** : oh ! it’s just Gay Panic

**arsonist** : TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME

**stepdad** : I Heard Gay Panic And I Came Running

**sharkboy** : oh tea ?

**pubby** : Eye Emoji Eye Emoji

**hot topic** : you know you can just Type It Out right

**jenowo** : Alright It’s Story Time Fellas !

**jenowo** : ok so jisung and i were just walking back from the library and arguing over what the best ghibli movie was

**arsonist** : oh my god we argued about that YESTERDAY

**arsonist** : did he defend mononoke with his dying breath

**jenowo** : oh You Bet

**jenowo** : so i was like ok but Ponyo’s a beautifully made movie that can be loved by All and he was like fuck you ashitaka’s hot And there’s a weird deer god AND a single wolf mom just trying her best

**jenowo** : i was about to call him a furry when this Random Kid Out Of Nowhere just skateboarded into him

**jenowo** : because None Of Them were looking where they were going

**mr. worldwide** : Oof

**arsonist** : Don’t Interrupt Him

**mr. worldwide** : BUT YOU JUST

**jenowo** : ANYWAY !

**jenowo** : so Skateboard Boy accidently knocks jisung off his feet and Both are on the ground

**jenowo** : and i was about to help them up but Skateboard Boy gets up Immediately and was like “oh my god i’m SO sorry” to me And to jisung

**jenowo** : and he leans down to jisung and asks him if he was alright

**jenowo** : Context: This Was A Very Cute Boy. I Could Literally Seen The Stars In His Eyes

**jenowo** : and he put his hand out toward jisung to yknow Help Him Up

**jenowo** : and he ,

**knife cat** : oh NO

**mr. wordwide** : HE DIDNTXHCBNFBFGBNFBFFN

**arsonist** : OH NOOOOOOHDHXHXHHFBFFH

**sharkboy** : WHAT WHAT HAPPENED

**jenowo** : jisung just stared at the hand for a minute

**jenowo** : and threw down scissors

**jenowo** : because every time someone goes to shake his hand or give him a high five

**jenowo** : He Does That On Instinct

**mr. worldwide** : AAAAAHAHAHBSJSNSJDBSJSNS

**knife cat** : I KNEW THAT WAS GONNA BACKFIRE FOR HIM SOMEDAY OH NOOOOOCKCFM

**pubby** : oh my God

**bastard** : GCHCHDJBEJFHFJDBFNEBFNDBFN

**stringbean** : W H E E Z E

**sunshine** : WAIT WHATD I MISS

**hot topic** : hcbdbfbdncn Scroll Up

**sunshine** : Okie Dokie ! gimme a minute

**babie** : I Want To Death

**arsonist** : HE LIVES

**jenowo** : BUT IT DOESN’T END THERE ! 

**jenowo** : so jisung throws down scissors and Cute Skateboard Boy just ?? laughs???

**jenowo** : and as a Surprise to No One, Cute Skateboard Boy Has A Cute Laugh and

**jenowo** : you could literally see jisung Rebooting

**jenowo** : So Cute Boy helps him up, he’s still apologizing, jisung looks like he’s about to jump into the nearest black hole

**jenowo** : And Now He’s In My Dorm, Yelling Into My Pillow

**jenowo** : he also won't stop talking about thrnfiyfhfjf

**knife cat** : THE WHAT

**bastard** : THE?????????

**remjun** : i arrive at jeno and i’s shared dorm room and see him getting Attacked by a very flustered jisung

**remjun** : jeno’s yelling “THE BOY HE WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT THE BOY” and jisung Keeps Hitting Him

**arsonist** : OH MY GOOOODNDNDNRNFNF

**mr. worldwide** : DOES JISUNG HAVE A CRUUUUUSHH???,?;?;?;!

**babie** : NO I DO NOT

**babie** : he was just Cute and i am a Disaster

**knife cat** : WHO WAS HE WHAT’D HE LOOK LIKE ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 HOW CUTE WAS HE

**babie** : hhhhhhhhhhh

**babie** : 14

**arsonist** : FOURTEMENENNRNFNFND

**babie** : uhhh he Did have a skateboard so you’d think like oh its an Edgy Alt Boy

**babie** : but no he was in this oversized sweater so he had lil sweater paws and hcbcbfn

**babie** : uhhhh his hair looked bleached ? very blond but looked like it’s been dyed before ? short light blond hair

**babie** : OH he was p short too. like i was a few inches taller than him

**babie** : HIS FACE . HE DRESSED SO SOFT BUT HIS JAWLINE COULD STAB ME ,

**remjun** : but would you Thank Him For It

**babie** : maybe So

**babie** : AND HIS VOICE , DISNM’T MATCH HIS FACE LIKE HE SAID “are you ok?????” AND IT WAS SO DEEP ,

**babie** : AND HE,? HAD FRECKLES ,

**babie** : god literally put him in my path and was like “lmao lets make the Very Cute Boy run into jisung and make his life a living Hell for a Single Minute”

**babie** : I Fucking Hate It Here

**bastard** : i i Think this is the most you’ve ever talked in the chat Wow

**jenowo** : he’s Very talkative actually ! :D

**babie** : and i can confirm. his eyes held the entire galaxy

**pubby** : Eye

**arsonist** : HHHHCHCHHDBFBDBDBCNFBFJBFJEBFMCBDNCBKDBFKFBEJFBCJFBFKBCJDBENFNFND

**sharkboy** : Who’s Gonna Who’s Gonna Say It

**hot topic** : IM FUCKFNFNFNFN

**sunshine** : I JUST GOT DONE W JENOS STORY AND HAVENT READ THE REST WAIT

**sunshine** : I THINK THAT WA SME CHCHFBFNFBDB

**mr. worldwide** : OH NOOOOOOOOCJCJDBFBFH

**babie** : w

**babie** : WAITXFBF

**arsonist** : FELIX READ THE REST OF IT READ THE REST OF IT

**sunshine** : GIVE ME A MINUTE

**stringbean** : IM GONNA OASS OUT

**babie** : this is it. this is how i die. im gonna fling myself into the fucking sun

**pubby** : but felix already flung himself towards you !

**arsonist** : IM ACREAMING THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFNEBE

**father figure** : IS THIS WHY FELIX CAME INTO MY ROOM JUST NOW AND STARTED SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER AND RAMBLED ABOUT A CUTE BOY

**sunshine** : CHRISTOPHER

**bastard** : OH MY GODDKCJFN

**mr. worldwide** : JISUNG YOU WEREN’T THE ONLY ONENRNFNRN

**jenowo** : he threw his phone and now is Screaming Again

**knife cat** : This Is The Greatest Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me Ever

**remjun** : remember when chenle recommended we also send a picture of us when we introduced ourselves

**remjun** : that would’ve Really came in handy right about now

**stepdad** : This all reminds me of the time i was working a shift during finals week and this guy orders like 3 iced americanos each with a Shit Ton of espresso shots added but he was Alone and Walked There so i thought “this bitch isn’t.. he’s Not ….”

**stepdad** : and chugged them all down in the corner of the cafe within 15 minutes

**stepdad** : to which i ran to the gc and said “Guys I Found The Love Of My Life”

**knife cat** : .

**knife cat** : H

**knife cat** : HI ,

**stepdad** : Oh No

**pubby** : OH MY GOD YOU WERE THE ESPRESSO BOY ?

**sharkboy** : THE ESPRESSO BOY THAT HAD THE ABILITY TO KILL GOD ????

**sharkboy** : WAIT DID EVERYONE HERE JUST HAVE A MEET CUTE EXPERIENCE WITH SOMEONE ELSE HERE ???????

**sharkboy** : LIKE COULD YOU IMAGINE ,,

**hot topic** : UHHH I RAN INTO A BOY IN THE LIBRARY AND HE WAS WEARING ONE OF THOSE SINNERS BALENCIAGA HOODIES AND HE WAS P CUTE

**hot topic** : UHHHH BALENCIAGA BOY IF YOU’RE HERE

**mr. worldwide** : WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

**mr. worldwide** : WERE YOU WEARING A BEANIE AND HOLDING LIKE????? SHEET MUSIC????????

**hot topic** : NO FUCKING WAYYXHCBFBFBDBFB

**remjun** : this isn’t gonna work but there was this rlly tall boy in one of my classes last year and everytime the professor made a dad joke he Looked So Revolted and Ready To Jump Into The Ocean and i think about that a Lot

**stringbean** : INTRO TO PSYCH??????????

**remjun** : NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE .

**stringbean** : GOD WAIT WERE YOU THE GUY WHO WAS GIVING A PRESENTATION AND NOTIFS FROM YOUR GROUP CHAT POPPED UP ON THE SCREEN AND YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE ABOUT TO KILL THEM

**remjun** : I . YEAH

**bastard** : OK SO I GO TO THE GYM WITH CHAN AND THIS GUY’S ALSO THERE HE WAS ABOUT MY AGE BUT HE WAS ALWAYS THERE AND HE HAD A MOLE NEAR HIS EYE AND THE BRIGHTEST EYE SMILE I’VE EVER SEEN AND HE ONCE ARM WRESTLED CHAN AND THEY HAD TO CALL IT A STALEMATE BECAUSE IT LEGIT LASTED AN HOUR

**jenowo** : Oh ,

**jenowo** : uhhhhhhhh hello That’s Probably Me ,

**jenowo** : did you always wear snapbacks??? like all the time ???

**bastard** : THATS ME BABEYYYYYYYYYY

**arsonist** : THIS CHAT WAS FATEEEEEENDBCBFNCN

**stepdad** : i can’t believe this entire chat is Gay For Each Other

**stringbean** : TJIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO MENEND

**sharkboy** : WAIT WHAT ABOUT CHAN,

**knife cat** : DAD

**mr. worldwide** : CHAT DAD CHAT DAD CHAD DAD

**sunshine** : CHADXGZGX?????????,????

**bastard** : C H A D CHCBFB

**father figure** : I

  
  


[ _User_ **_father figure_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_chad_ ** _!_ ]

  
  


**pubby** : oh GOD

**knife cat** : LMAOOOOOOOOO

**sunshine** : CHAN N O

**sunshine** : but also i dont think?? hes ever had one?? or at least one that I dont know of

**chad** : .

**chad** : Actually ,

**hot topic** : HUH

**stringbean** : HEEHEHDBBFBFBFBFBF

**sunshine** : CHANIEL.

**mr. worldwide** : i love that exo member

**sunshine** : sto p

**jenowo** : ~i can’t believe~

**babie** : a capella noises increases 

**sharkboy** : Everyone Hush I Wanna Hear Gay Chan Struggles

**chad** : ok so maybe like a Month Ago i was at a bookstore and i saw this dude who was like maybe a year or two younger than me and we were on the same aisle and i mean he was Cute but we didnt rlly look at each other because we were there for Book Related Purposes

**stepdad** : book related purposes

**pubby** : book related purposes

**mr. worldwide** : book related purposes

**chad** : SO ANYWAY

**chad** : out of Nowhere SOMEONE called me and My Dumbass had my ringer on and my ringtone for THIS PERSON was the mashup of the bacon pancakes song from adventure time and alisha keys

**bastard** : LOL THAT WAS ME

**chad** : and he turned to me and was like “yo you got Taste !” 

**chad** : and we ended up talking in the cafe next to the bookstore for like an Hour before he had to leave

**chad** : Bookstore Boy If You’re Here ,,

**remjun** : the oldest one out of my group’s me and i recently turned 20 :/ srry

**chad** : Rats

**mr. worldwide** : wait since this chat’s now full of Strange As Fuck Coincidences maybe we know him !!

**sharkboy** : :0!!!!

**chad** : i never asked for his name like A Dumbass but he had dark hair and air jordans and turns out we were both bilingual so we talked in both korean and english and when i tell you His Laugh Could Probably Cure Cancer

**remjun** : dark hair..

**jenowo** : Air Jordans..

**knife cat** : bilingual,,

**arsonist** : a laugh that could cure cancer ,

**arsonist** : how many times did he say “yo” “dude” and “oh my GOD”

**chad** : A Lot

**babie** : wait a minute .

**mr. worldwide** : LMAOOOOXJXNBFBFJFBNFBFJF

**knife cat** : THAT WAS MARK YEAH WE KNOW HIMCNFND

**arsonist** : i’ll add him to the chat One Day

**arsonist** : but the worlds not ready for that amount of power just yet

**mr. worldwide** : I Thought You Were The Arsonist Here

**mr. worldwide** : Whatever Happened To Creating Chaos

**arsonist** : .

**arsonist** : FUCK

**hot topic** : it seems like the only people here w/o an experience like this is seungmin and jeongin ,

**pubby** : i mean,, not necessarily ig ?

**pubby** : there was An encounter we both had w an attractive guy but he was A Lot older than us and i don’t think that’s Anyone Here

**knife cat** : Once Again,

**jenowo** : Once A Gain..

**babie** : once a laundry detergent,,

**knife cat** : We Might Know Him

**knife cat** : So Spill

**sharkboy** : uhh ok so we were just going to the lil cafe that minho works at right

**stepdad** : WAIT FUCK I KNOW THIS STORY

**sharkboy** : and this was Right after i pulled an all nighter to get an essay done so i was feeling like Actual Death

**chad** : pls learn from my mistakes and never pull stuff like this again

**pubby** : Take your own advice first Chad

**chad** : ALL I FACE HERE IS SLANDER

**sunshine** : GCHFBBFBFBF 

**sharkboy** : and my eyes felt Awful because i spent All Night on that essay and my hands Hurt

**sharkboy** : and seungmin was just like “i would make fun of you but you feel like Shit so i’m gonna buy you coffee” and i was like I Owe You My Life and he was like “Good”

**sharkboy** : or i was About to say good when this Good Looking Guy Came In And Got In Line Behind Us

**sharkboy** : and Me, who stays Far away from people who are cute, Was Panicking

**pubby** : he literally looked like prince gumball from adventure time but also he looked stressed the Fuck Out

**pubby** : i could see the Stress and Death in his eyes,, I wonder if he’s ok still

**sharkboy** : anyways cute person was too close i started panicking

**sharkboy** : and we got to minho to say our orders and i,, in my sleep deprived state

**stepdad** : lmao YEAH you were like “make it black like my soul” and the guy behind you was like “same.” in the most Deadpan Monotone voice

**pubby** : and you were like “ahaha Cool” and your voice broke so you just . Walked Away

**pubby** : and i took your picture there and it wasn’t until we left that we realized that The Guy was in the background of it just chillin and you freaked out Even More

**sharkboy** : WHAT IF HE THOUGHT WE WERE CREEPY,,,,,,

**pubby** : I WAS TAKING A PHOTO OF YOU.

**remjun** : mainly everyone i know has death in their eyes we gotta be More Specific here

**jenowo** : wait did you say he looked like gumball? pink hair?

**pubby** : uhhh pink hair, early/mid 20s maybe ?

**pubby** : wait i can literally send you the pic hold on

**pubby** : [cafepic.jpg]

**chad** : wow he’s uhhh Very attractive

**bastard** : dilf…

**stringbean** : HUH

**sunshine** : I SEE IT

**mr. worldwide** : NO WAIT HOLD ON

**remjun** : is that

**knife cat** : TAEYOGNHFBDGDHDBDHFHDNDN

**arsonist** : OH MY GOD WHAT

**pubby** : so you Do know him ?

**babie** : thats,,

**babie** : that’s my brother ,

**bastard** : WHTSTD

**pubby** : ,

**sunshine** : GOOD FUCKING BYEHEHFBF

**arsonist** : JISUNG,,, JISUNG YOUR BROTHERS A DILF

**babie** : if you say that one more time im gonna fucking Kill You

**knife cat** : TAEYONGS A DILF

**mr. worldwide** : DILFFFFF

**remjun** : ,

**babie** : renjun ,, Please ,

**remjun** : .

**remjun** : dilf

**babie** : Seungmin I Now Understand Why You Always Want To Leave

**pubby** : lmao oh no, if i can’t leave you can’t either :)

**knife cat** : i’m gonna tell jaemin 

**babie** : with What number

**knife cat** : :)

**babie** : jaemin

**babie** : jaemin what the Fuck Does That Mean

**babie** : JAEMIN DO NOT .

-

[ _Private Chat:_ **_*softly but w feeling* bro_** ]

  
  


**yongie** : jisung

**jiji** : no.

**yongie** : jisung, my lovely sweet baby brother

**jiji** : hyung i’m 5 centimeters taller than you

**yongie** : please tell me why jaemin just messaged me out of random and just left Immediately

**jiji** : no

**yongie** : jisung

**jiji** : Absolutely Not

**yongie** : should i even look up what dilf means

**jiji** : do Not

**yongie** : wait johnny’s right next to me i can ask him

**yongie** : he’s good with what The Kids say these days

**jiji** : oh God

**yongie** : i asked and he choked on air. currently in a coughing fit

**yongie** : is it that bad

**jiji** : i hate it here

-

[ _Chat Room: **Jisung.**_ ] 

**babie** : [screenshots]

**babie** : i hope you’re happy

**stringbean** : OMFMFNFNFNFN

**pubby** : f in the chat for jisung’s brother

**sharkboy** : f

**mr. worldwide** : f

**jenowo** : f

**hot topic** : f

**stringbean** : f

**remjun** : f

**stepdad** : f

**knife cat** : f

**arsonist** : f

**sunshine** : f

**bastard** : f

**chad** : f

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't expect anyone in this fic to get together everyone in the chat just knows a good looking guy when they see one and coincidentally they're all Disasters


	4. welcome back to 2013

**sharkboy** : can someone bls tell my roomate to Stop Blasting One Direction At Ass O Clock At Night

**jenowo** : When Else Are You Supposed To Blast One Direction

**hot topic** : You Fool. 3 pm is Prime One Direction Blasting Hour.

**chad** : i’d say 11 am at the Latest

**babie** : prime 1d time is Always 4-5pm on Wednesdays

**mr. worldwide** : WHY ONLY ON WEDNESDAYSJDH

**remjun** : im not even a directioner and i say that its from noon to 2pm

**arsonist** : Prime 1D Time Is From 2pm To 4pm On Mondays HOWEVER Blasting Heart Attack At 2am On Saturdays Is Ok Too

**sunshine** : TASTE !

**sunshine** : but one direction hours are apparently whenever Chan Puts Them On Blast WHENEVER TF HE WANTS

**chad** : SHH

**sunshine** : NO YOU DON’T GET TO SHH ME

**sunshine** : DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I WOKE UP AT YOUR PLACE WITH WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL BLASTING FROM THE KITCHEN

**sunshine** : TOO MANY I SAY

**chad** : LIKE YOU DON’T SING ALONG EVERY TIME

**sunshine** : THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S CATCHY C H A D

**chad** : H

**bastard** : i love one direction discourse at 4 am. Totally what i wanted from a gc i was forced to be in

**bastard** : that wasn’t sarcasm btw i am Totally down to participate

**bastard** : four was their best album

**mr. worldwide** : THIS IS UP ALL NIGHT ERASURE

**sunshine** : i can Appreciate up all night for giving us some Iconic Bops but taken just didn’t do it for me ://

**sunshine** : NOW MIDNIGHT MEMORIES HOWEVER

**mr. worldwide** : FUCK YOU UP ALL NIGHT HAD NO SKIPS

**babie** : 1d had Two Superior Albums and that was take me home and four

**babie** : both s+ tier

**bastard** : YOU ACTUALLY LIKED THE _ENTIRE_ TAKE ME HOME ALBUM?????

**babie** : YOU DIDN'T ?

**sunshine** : I Thought I Could Trust You ,,

**sunshine** : But Midnight Memories Not Being Placed As S+ Tier’s A Crime ,,,

**babie** : little white lies and you & i are s+ tier songs in an a tier at best album

**sunshine** : i can’t argue w you there but at the same time fuck you what about little black dress

**jenowo** : This Is So Fun To Watch

**jenowo** : Quick What’s The Best One Direction Song

**arsonist** : SAVE YOU TONIGHT

**babie** : Little Things and 18

**chad** : What Makes You Beautiful for iconic purposes Alone

**hot topic** : stockholm syndrome and where do broken hearts go

**arsonist** : THE FLAVOR,

**pubby** : i awake to 1d discourse…

**pubby** : also you & i

**mr. worldwide** : TELL ME A LIE

**sharkboy** : ,,,,,,,,,,strong

**bastard** : I WAS ALSO GONNA SAY STRONG GOD THE TASTE

**remjun** : once again was never a directioner but strong Is their best song

**sunshine** : I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE OH NO,,, THATS ALSO A GOOD ONE

**mr. worldwide** : you know if mark were here he would be screaming the entire up all night album rn

**arsonist** : i’m Not Ready to be bombarded with an acoustic version of gotta be you yet

**knife cat** : WHATS THIS ABOUT ONE DIRECTIONS BEST SONG

**knife cat** : AND HOW ITS TOTALLY NIGHT CHANGES

**bastard** : YESSSS

**chad** : it’s 4 am Why’s Everyone Up In The First Place

**sunshine** : Why Are You Up Also Chanathan

**mr. worldwide** : CHANATHAN??,,?,??,

**chad** : Why Am I Always Exposed Here And Why Is It Always From You

**sunshine** : it was in the job description dude This Is My Actual Purpose

**arsonist** : you Did adopt 13 kids , you Really Should’ve Seen This Coming

**chad** : sig h

**knife cat** : i’m guessing stepdad’s resting like the Good Adult He Is and stringbeans just lame

**bastard** : hyunjins gonna sense being called lame and rush here Immediately

**bastard** : Any Second Now

**stringbean** : what the FUCK

**bastard** : seungmin how long was that

**pubby** : 17 seconds

**bastard** : didn't meet the record of 14 :// 

**knife cat** : ryan bergara voice Jesus Christ Sir

**stringbean** : prime 1d time is 6pm on saturdays their superior album is four and the best songs fools gold

**mr. worldwide** : IS THAT THE ONE THATS LIKE

**mr. worldwide** : WHYD YOU WEAR THAT TO WALK OUT OF MY LIIIIIFE

**knife cat** : DUMBASS THAT’S LOVE YOU GOODBYE

**mr. worldwide** : WELL EXCUSE ME FOR NOT LISTENING TO THEM SINCE 2013

**remjun** : well i guess it’s 2013 then because i Heard You blast stole my heart yesterday

**knife cat** : AND LOVE YOU GOODBYE WAS FROM 2015???

**mr. worldwide** : SHUTNTUFOGKGNG

**remjun** : jeongin settle the debate by asking your roommate The 1D Blaster

**sharkboy** : i’m gonna tell him you said that

**sharkboy** : beomgyu's on a group call rn w his friends and they All have different answers and now they’re arguing

**sharkboy** : he was like “Oh 18” and taehyun was like “It’s I Wish You Fools” and kai was like “You Fools It’s Live While We’re Young” and now all three of them are arguing, yeonjun’s not even a directioner but he’s Yelling Anyway, and soobins just vibin

**bastard** : Tell Soobin I Would Die For Him

**sharkboy** : he said “Please Don’t” in a worried tone

**knife cat** : ok but can we all agree that 1d was never the same ever since zayn left

**babie** : Yes

**sunshine** : YEAH

**chad** : Yup

**mr. worldwide** : You’re Right And You Should Say It

**jenowo** : yeah

**hot topic** : Oh yeah definitely

**stringbean** : Absolutely 

**arsonist** : YES

**bastard** : YEAH,

  
  


-

  
  


**stepdad** : 1-3am sad boy hours

**stepdad** : four and midnight memories

**stepdad** : night changes

**knife cat** : THANK YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was just a short and sweet update nothing Too crazy
> 
> also i honest to god can't remember if i've read someone else calling chan chanathan in smth separate or not so if someone already did that joke and i forgot I'm Sorry


	5. mom come pick me up everyones bullying each other

[ _Private Chat:_ **_big heads 1 and 3_** ]

**1** : it’s time

**3** : huh

**1** : i think The World Is Ready

**3** : chenle that’s Scary. You’re Being Scary.

**1** : i’m abt to do smth but you can’t question it

**3** : i

**3** : ok????

-

[ _Group Chat:_ **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

**knife cat** : ok Who changed the gc name

**bastard** : me ùwú

**remjun** : oh! i Hate That

**bastard** : how dare you replay was a Cultural Reset

**remjun** : no i meant the smug uwu

**bastard** : oh

**bastard** : úwù

**remjun** : Seungmin How Do You Deal With Him

**pubby** : we usually just let him do whatever until someone threatens to beat him up

**pubby** : i.e Me

**arsonist** : lol guys wanna see something funny

**babie** : that lol terrifies me

**arsonist** : Good.

  
  


[ ** _arsonist_ ** _added_ **_vancoolver_ ** _to the group chat!_ ]

  
  


**arsonist** : this is it. Your Worst Username

**vancoolver** : shush i thought it was good

**arsonist** : whatever helps you sleep at night ig

**mr. worldwide** : MARK?,??.??.

**knife cat** : HE

**jenowo** : .??,,,?,??.,.?

**bastard** : CHANS BOOKSTORE BOY?????

**babie** : lmao hey mark

**vancoolver** : jisung !! my baby boy !!

**babie** : I Am 18.

**mr. worldwide** : CHENLE I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE WORLD WASN’T READY FOR MARK TO BE HERE

**arsonist** : well Now It Is

**arsonist** : And Now He’s Here

**vancoolver** : also ahaha What Goes On

**arsonist** : o yeah you know my friend felix ?

**vancoolver** : small fairy like kid w the freckles?

**arsonist** : Exactly

**sunshine** : FAIRY ?????

**arsonist** : this is a gc w him and His friends

**arsonist** : also ur bookstore boy’s here

**vancoolver** : my What

**vancoolver** : wait the blond australian dude from barnes & noble's here ??

**arsonist** : ye

**knife cat** : AUSTRALIAN ?

**sunshine** : yeah lmao he and i are both from sydney !!

**jenowo** : ohhh i Thought i heard an accent when i met the both of you !!

**sunshine** : ye !! hold on lemme summon chan

**sunshine** : uhhhh gimme a minute

**stepdad** : you’ve known each other for Years and you don’t know how to summon him ?

**sunshine** : My Minds Drawing A Blank rn ,,It’s Too Early For This

**hot topic** : hey guys i have a joke

**hot topic** : what do you call the sweetest rich person

**sharkboy** : I KNOW THIS ONE

**stringbean** : oh my Godndnfnf

**hot topic** : a nice guy who just has a lot of money

**chad** : SHUT THE FUCK UP CHANGBIN

**hot topic** : He Lives 

**sunshine** : PLEASE LET ME OPEN THAT DOOR FOR YOU

**chad** : I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS

**bastard** : wait one more

**chad** : DO NOT

**bastard** : iron man in the streets But I'm Badder Than Tony 

**chad** : WHY ARE WE STILL HERE JUST TO SUFFER

**remjun** : i sense a Backstory here

**knife cat** : hmm , 

**chad** : quit hmming because you’re Not Gonna Know What It Is

**hot topic** : [soundcloud link: 3racha] 

**chad** : Changbin.

**hot topic** : im sorry CB97 I Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of You Double Knotting Your YEEZYS

**stringbean** : DOUBLE KNOT ON MY

**bastard** : Y E E Z Y S

**babie** : i have no idea whats going on but i’m Wheezing

**stepdad** : now that we have our daily clowning chan out of the way You Have Been Summoned

**chad** : i’m being BULLIED. 

**stepdad** : ur bookstore boy is here and you are SCREECHING about your Simp Anthem 

**bastard** : SIMFOFJFJGJGJRNNDKCJFNDBCHF

**hot topic** : _THE WHAT_

**pubby** : AAAAHAHANSBDBDBDBBSBSND

**chad** : IT IS NOT A SIMP ANTHEM IT IS N O T

**chad** : wait my What

**vancoolver** : hey i’m that canadian dude from the barns & noble ahaha :) 

**chad** : wait oh my god yo!! how’ve you been ?

**sharkboy** : bls,, save the small talk for the dms 

**sharkboy** : We Are Here For Us Being Stupid And Us Being Stupid Only

**sunshine** : i was gonna ask “when have we Ever been stupid innie” but i Realized that You’re Right ,

**stringbean** : this entire chat shares one (1) braincell and it belongs to seungmin

**pubby** : i mean Yeah

**babie** : for us jeno’s usually the one who has the group braincell

**babie** : until he wants to Beat Me Up

**jenowo** : When Have I Ever Beaten You Up Ever

**babie** : I WALKED OUT OF CLASS ONE DAY WE MADE DIRECT EYE CONTACT AND YOU JUST FUCKING _BOOKED_ IT TOWARDS ME

**babie** : I DID _NOTHING_

**bastard** : and This is the same guy that arm wrestled w chan and they had to call it a draw ????????

**bastard** : Big Yikes

**vancoolver** : i think jisung is the most likely to outrun jeno despite him wearing a BINDER

**vancoolver** : THAT HE KNOWS HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO RUN IN

**babie** : ok In My Defense

**knife cat** : YOU’RE A DANCE MAJOR HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE BROKEN RIBS BY NOW

**babie** : IN MY DEFENSE

**babie** : jeno Only runs towards me when i’m not wearing it, so at least he’s considerate about me not wanting to Fuck Up My Chest but also like once it’s off he’s like “no mercy bitch”

**sharkboy** : it’s JUST like when we annoy felix and he’s threatening to run over and murder us and chan’s like “Absolutely Not you’re wearing your binder” and felix is just like “FUCK”

**hot topic** : chan is Literally the Only person who can stop felix from permanently destroying his ribcage

**stepdad** : chan, walking into the room every week banging frying pans together: TIME FOR YOUR FUCKING T SHOT

**chad** : I actually had to do that once

**sunshine** : it’s true he just broke into my dorm and was just like WAKE UP BITCHBOY ITS T TIME

**hot topic** : imagine instead of getting it in a shot you just straight up Chug It

**sunshine** : ah The Dream 

**pubby** : testosterone but it’s sold in gas stations in those tall cans tea’s usually in

**jenowo** : or just in those little bug juice containers w the cap you have to pull up in order to drink out of it

**babie** : Man Juice

**babie** : no wait

**mr. worldwide** : HUH

**seungmin** : I,

**knife cat** : WHDHHFFHHFHFHGHHFBFFHFBF

**sunshine** : SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPCKC

**hot topic** : OH I HATE THAT !

**arsonist** : NOOOOOCHFNFBFBFHFBBDGHBFBD

**jenowo** : MAN JUICE ? 

**vancoolver** : this is the worst thing i’ve ever read and i’ve only been here for ten minutes . Cool 

**stepdad** : it only goes downhill from here

**sharkboy** : man juice is just the water from those foam “Grow A Boyfriend In Water” things you get at the dollar store

**sunshine** : what if you do those but with t :0

**chad** : DO N O T 

**babie** : took an exam on how to be a trans man

**babie** : call that shit testosterone

**remjun** : I’m Gonna Kill You

**sunshine** : LMAOOOOOOOO

**bastard** : WAIT THOSE WERE SOME BARS THO-

**jenowo** : saturnz barz if you will

**remjun** : SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ALT BITCH

**hot topic** : WAS THAT A FUCKING GORILLAZ REFERENCE

**bastard** : i’M aT a StAkiN bAr I gOt DeBtS i’M a DeBasEr

**babie** : jeno im gonna Kill You

**babie** : . 

  
  


[ _User_ **_babie_ ** _changed their name to_ **_saturnz barz_ ** _!_ ]

  
  


**arsonist** : LMAOOO

**saturnz barz** : I Am Now The Alt Bitch Of The Chat

**vancoolver** : everytime i remember jisung likes puns my life decreases by 10 years

**mr. worldwide** : shut up your username’s Literally a pun

**vancoolver** : . 

**vancoolver** : I’m Being Bullied

**mr. worldwide** : SHUT THE FUCK UPNDNF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ever since i found out jisung's new nickname is saturn my life has not known peace also i cry a lot more than usual


	6. forbidden food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in a month my bad ,,
> 
> OH YEAH i'm gonna be listing the members n their usernames in the beginning of chapters to avoid any confusion! they Will change as the chapters go on
> 
> chad - chan  
> stepdad - minho  
> hot topic - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> sharkboy - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> mr. worldwide - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

**arsonist** : whoever stole the last of the gummy worms im gonna fucking rip off your right arm

**arsonist** : wait lmao wrong chat

**stringbean** : no i wanna know abt the gummy worm thief

**hot topic** : better than doing homework so Spill Arson Boy

**arsonist** : i will wreak havoc on your studio shorty

**hot topic** : HELLO I AM BEING ATTACKED

**arsonist** : the only one getting attacked here is whoever stole the fucking GUMMY WORMS

**jenowo** : ok firstly chenle i bought that bag of gummy worms for us All To Share

**arsonist** : you know i would eat most of them I Always Do

**arsonist** : AND THEY WERE THE SOUR GUMMY WORMS TOO

**bastard** : The Superior Gummy Worms

**jenowo** : second of all i’m mad too whoever finished it ate all the pink and blue ones first

**arsonist** : SON OF A BITCH I WAS LOOKING FOR THOSE BEFORE THEY WERE ALL GONE

**jenowo** : renjun’s a Heathen who only eats the green and orange ones so it wasn't him

**remjun** : i have been summoned only to face Slander

**arsonist** : ok chan

**bastard** : Did You Just Chan

**chad** : did i just get turned into a verb ????

**chad** : also the orange and green gummy worms are good you guys are just mean

**vancoolver** : nah dude the yellow and red ones are the Bomb Dot Com

**stringbean** : THE WHAT

**chad** : takes a long drag from a cigarette haven’t heard that term in Years

**arsonist** : SO IT WASNT MARK

**arsonist** : THAT TAKES OUT FOUR

**arsonist** : JAEMIN

**knife cat** : HUH

**knife cat** : oh lmao it wasn’t me i barely ate any of them

**knife cat** : i was w jeno and he asked if i was sure i wasn’t gonna eat some and i was like you Know i eat the cola gummies Only

**vancoolver** : oh worm

**vancoolver** : haha get it

**hot topic** : Your Bones Will Be Dust By Dawn

**pubby** : once again i hate it here

**stepdad** : take a shot everytime seungmin or renjun say that they hate it here

**remjun** : two shots if it’s jisung who says it

**bastard** : jokes on you I’m Never Gonna Say That

**remjun** : .

**pubby** : . 

**bastard** : . 

**bastard** : I Understand Now That We Were Talking About The Other Jisung

**stringbean** : we need to label yall jisung 1 and jisung 2

**bastard** : I Am No One’s Jisung 2 

**saturnz barz** : Neither Am I

**saturnz barz** : Bitch

**bastard** : WHDHBF

**vancoolver** : jisung you do know that you're saved in chenle’s phone as big head 2 right

**vancoolver** : you being jisung 2 would go along w it

**saturnz barz** : .

**saturnz barz** : i hate it here

**pubby** : TWO SHOTS

**arsonist** : JISUNG

**saturnz barz** : no you shut up big head 1

**arsonist** : NO TIME FOR BIG HEAD JOKES

**arsonist** : DID YOU EAT THE REST OF THE FUCKING GUMMY WORMS

**saturnz barz** : i didn’t do Shit scoob

**saturnz barz** : you know i only eat those weird trolli strawberry things and nothing else gummy related

**chad** : OH YEAH THOSE ARE AMAZING

**saturnz barz** : Hell Yeah

**saturnz barz** : but it’s funny how you’re yelling in the gc about stolen food 

**saturnz barz** : when You good sir steal my food ALL THE TIME

**arsonist** : SHHHHHHHHHH I DIDNT DO SHIT MAN

**jenowo** : you literally ate the rest of my takeout leftovers last week

**jenowo** : you don’t even have a key to my dorm

**jenowo** : you just somehow broke in and ate it

**stringbean** : that’s so chaotic I Love It

**arsonist** : I DIDN’T COME HERE TO BE EXPOSED

**arsonist** : wait ok so jisung didnt do it

**arsonist** : that leaves out six

**arsonist** : then that means

**mr. worldwide** : hehe

**arsonist** : BITCH

**knife cat** : i’m not surprised in the Slightest

**jenowo** : neither am i

**saturnz barz** : the blue and pink ones Are his favorites

**mr. worldwide** : hcndbfbf what’s chenle gonna do he’s still in class

**arsonist** : which got let out early

**mr. worldwide** : .

**mr. worldwide** : Welp.

**vancoolver** : nice knowing u donghyuck

**stringbean** : LMAOOXKJDHDBD

**stepdad** : Boy You Better Run

**saturnz barz** : lmao rip

**knife cat** : RIP

**pubby** : F

**bastard** : HCHDBDGFHCBHFBEBFHF

**jenowo** : yeah i don’t think we’re gonna see both of them for a While

**chad** : this rlly reminds me of whenever felix gets mad

**stepdad** : oh yeah he may be teeny but literally All Hell Will Break Loose

**sunshine** : hello friends :) 

**sunshine** : _where the fuck is my ryan plushie :)_

**chad** : oh god .

**stepdad** : speak of the devil and he shall appear

**sharkboy** : i know the answer to that ! 

**bastard** : jeongin .

**hot topic** : HFHDHFHDHDHF

**pubby** : LMAOOO

**sharkboy** : jisung meant to grab changbin’s munchlax plushie and throw it at him but he accidently grabbed your ryan

**sharkboy** : threw it at him

**sharkboy** : MISSED

**sharkboy** : and it landed in some leftovers and they’ve been trying to get the stains out ever since !

**bastard** : AT LEAST WEVE BEEN TRYING TO GET THE STAINS OUT OK

**bastard** : AND FELIX IS AN ANGEL WHO WOULD NEVER HURT ME SO I’M OK

**chad** : LMAOOSODJJDNDBFBSHFHCHDHJDDH

**pubby** : OH THAT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY

**stepdad** : I CHOKEDXHBSBC

**hot topic** : W H E E Z E

**arsonist** : oh you think I’m bad

**arsonist** : you’ve probably forgotten that that boy has a blackbelt in taikwondo

**bastard** : wait fuck youre right 

**bastard** : FUCK

**bastard** : whys he gone quiet,,,

**jenowo** : i think i saw him book it across campus to the other dorm building

**jenowo** : i hope to god you’re not in the one near the library 

**bastard** : F UCK

**chad** : not to mention he probably still has his binder on i’m gonna kick his ass next time i see him

**saturnz barz** : chan youre my favorite ally

**chad** : wait no stop im gonna cry

**stepdad** : JUST PASSED BY HIM AND UHHHHH

**stepdad** : JISUNG YOU BETTER RUN AND HIDE

**bastard** : FUCKFJC

**pubby** : The Sun Is Currently On Fire

**pubby** : wait-

**chad** : SEUNGNIMJN

**stepdad** : SEUNGMIN?.?,?,???,?,??,?

**stringbean** : FHHFHDHDHDHFHFHFH

**remjun** : i’m-

**hot topic** : OH MY GOD DO WE FINALLY GET TO CLOWN SEUNGMIN

**jenowo** : the sun the suns Always on fire dude

**sharkboy** : I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR YEARS

**stringbean** : AND JISUNG AND FELIX AREN’T EVEN HERE TO SEE IT…… TRAGIC

**saturnz barz** : f in the chat

**pubby** : I

**pubby** : i’m not gonna say it i’m not giving you guys that satisfaction

**stepdad** : you just dont want the adults of the chat to get alcohol poisoning

**remjun** : Say The Line Gayboy

**stringbean** : GAYEBFBFIFJFNFNDBDBFB

**pubby** : long drawn out exasperated sigh

**pubby** : not dead jisung you say it

**saturnz barz** : you hate it here

**pubby** : THAT’S RIGHT I DO

**saturnz barz** : wait speaking of gummies i wanna create some Discourse

**remjun** : not again ,,

**saturnz barz** : those styrofoam packing peanuts >>>>>> those gummy circus peanuts

**stringbean** : THE FORBIDDEN CIRCUS PEANUTS YES

**chad** : bls,, do Not Eat Styrofoam

**stepdad** : like you weren’t staring at those freezable fruit shaped plastic things you put in your drink instead of ice yesterday on amazon with an Intensity

**chad** : ok listen they look like big fruit gummies-

**stepdad** : We Do Not Eat Plastic

**stepdad** : we eat those multicolored rocks at the bottom of fish tanks

**vancoolver** : OH HELL YEAH THE FORBIDDEN POP ROCKS

**knife cat** : POPC ROCKKS

**knife cat** : ok but those and marbles,,, Marbles, Man,,,

**jenowo** : crunch

**knife cat** : NO

**stringbean** : that And multicolored rocks,,,, Fuck Yea

**sharkboy** : AND TH

**sharkboy** : YKNOW THOSE STARFISH THAT LOOK LIKE RAVIOLI

**hot topic** : _THE WHAT_

**remjun** : You Want To Eat What

**sharkboy** : THEYRE REAL I SWEAR

**sharkboy** : FORBIDDEN RAVIOLI

**chad** : JEONGIN NO

**pubby** : JEONGIN YES

**jenowo** : Jeongin Maybe

**knife cat** : Jeongin Who’s To Say

**sharkboy** : I-

**stepdad** : Jeongin Living Up To His Username Wanting To Vore A Starfish

**chad** : i’m sorry _What_

**sharkboy** : ,

  
  


[ _User_ **_sharkboy_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_vore_** _!_ ]

  
  


**pubby** : JEONGIN.

**hot topic** : ABSOLUTELY NOT 

**chad** : I Would’ve Allowed Anything But This

**vore** : hehe

**stepdad** : i, the enabler of chaos, started this

**stepdad** : when arson boy comes back tell him i’m coming for his brand

**saturnz barz** : he’s gonna K Word You

  
 **stepdad** : I’d Like To See Him Try


	7. projection time babie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‼️ TW // mentions of transphobia, chest dysphoria, and a panic attack ‼️
> 
> the first serious chapter and one that i really needed to write
> 
> chad - chan  
> stepdad - minho  
> hot topic - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> mr. worldwide - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

**pubby** : fellas

**pubby** : smth’s not right here .

**vore** : wdym?

**remjun** : wha

**pubby** : i feel like something bad happened

**pubby** : or is happening

**pubby** : i sense

**pubby** : Emotional Distress

**vore** : at 2 am in the morning ? 

**pubby** : exactly

**knife cat** : wait i kinda know what ur talking abt

**knife cat** : someone here’s Sad

**pubby** : wait Elaborate

**knife cat** : idk it’s not the usual sad boi hours like

**knife cat** : Someone From This Chat’s Genuinely Upset

**jenowo** : is everyone here alright?

**saturnz barz** : just zoning out w lofi in the bg but yeah.

**saturnz barz** : i just got here is everything ok?

**arsonist** : Whats Going On

**mr. worldwide** : i just woke up what happened ??

**stringbean** : we’re not doing so well 

**stepdad** : hyunjin, what happened?

**stringbean** : i accidentally left something in felix’s dorm that i needed for class so i went to go get it

**stringbean** : i went in and he was having a panic attack,, and a pretty big one at that

**stringbean** : chan’s also here. he’s better at calming him down than any of us.

**hot topic** : oh no…

**bastard** : felix :(( is he doing ok?

**remjun** : do you know what caused it? if he’s ok w us knowing

**stringbean** : he’s ok with it. “it’s better they know so they don't have to worry so much.”

**stringbean** : firstly his chest dysphoria’s really been getting the best of him lately. he thought that now that he's on t he thought he passes just fine

**stringbean** : but it's still that lingering feeling Literally on his chest and not only does he not have the money for surgery but he can't wear his binder during dance classes and it gets constantly pointed out to him..

**stringbean** : and today some people in his classes found out about some of his hobbies and called them too “feminine” and “if you were really a boy you wouldn’t do shit like that.” 

**bastard** : what the fuck

**knife cat** : that’s awful what the actual hell

**mr. worldwide** : oh no :(

**pubby** : is this about baking?

**jenowo** : felix bakes? 

**stepdad** : yeah, he’s really gotten into it as of late. he’s really good.

**stringbean** : yeah it was about that and the One Time he wore a skirt outside his dorm

**stringbean** : he acts so outgoing and happy everyday but he had to build up so much confidence just to wear a skirt outside. and some people in his class told him “why even call yourself a boy if you’re gonna wear girls’ clothes?” 

**vancoolver** : those kids are awful im about to Yell

**bastard** : im gonna beat those people up i swear to god

**remjun** : what right do they have thinking that certain clothing and hobbies are gendered?? it’s A Fucking Piece of Cloth and it's a Fucking Hobby, Bradley, and apparently That’s enough to break your fragile masculinity.

**pubby** : fuck :( felix i’m so sorry

**vore** : people love to see boys in skirts but if it’s not a skinny cis white boy wearing one Then it’s “you can't wear skirts” "you're not supposed to wear that" ugh.

**stepdad** : not to mention they see baking as a thing boys aren't allowed to do?? it's fucking??? making food?????

**arsonist** : is it ok for me to go over there?

**stringbean** : he said yeah

**arsonist** : I’m Going Over There.

**stringbean** : dude our dorms on the other side of campus,, i don't even think you can get in it’s 2 am

**arsonist** : i broke into jeno’s dorm before I Can Do The Same Now

**saturnz barz** : as a fellow trans dance student, i also gotta take my binder off during class and i know the feeling of weird stares and transphobic comments and questions. i know them all too well and im so sorry you have to go through them as well.

**saturnz barz** : and i also get the feeling of wearing feminine clothes after transition and people calling me a girl because of it.

**saturnz barz** : its the idea that trans masculine and trans feminine people are each expected to dress a certain way, either pushed onto them by the people around them or the lingering thought that in order to pass you have to dress that certain way.

**saturnz barz** : its the 21st century. what people should realize is that its just clothing. the way you want to dress doesn't make you any less trans. it should be normalized that trans masculine people can wear whats considered more feminine clothing and trans feminine people can wear whats considered more masculine clothing

**saturnz barz** : because at the end of the day, theyre still trans, and trans people should wear whatever the fuck they want without getting slandered for it or get their identity questioned by strangers who have no business sticking their nose where it doesn't belong.

**bastard** : holy shit you’re smart

**vancoolver** : exactly.

**remjun** : 100% what jisung said

**hot topic** : yeah i could Not have worded it better

**hot topic** : but clothing and hobbies being gendered is so fucking stupid like how fragile can one’s masculinity be and how closed can a person's mind get

**jenowo** : i am Actually going to find them and Beat Some Sense Into Them

**stringbean** : trust me me too but he says Please Do Not

**jenowo** : hhhhh fine

**vancoolver** : i might be new here still but if felix or any of you guys want to rant or talk about your worries, i’m always here to listen.

**saturnz barz** : same here

**remjun** : i may not be the greatest at giving advice but i will listen to you whenever you need me to.

**mr. worldwide** : same goes for me too. i know i joke around a lot but if you guys ever need me, i’ll listen and try to help you.

**knife cat** : i think except for felix and chenle, we've all not known each other for long, but you guys can come to us or dm us whenever you need.

**stringbean** : chan says “i think i speak for everyone when i say that the same goes for us. we care about you guys and you can talk to us whenever.”

**stringbean** : chenle just crawled through the window i thought was locked and now he and felix are cuddling

**hot topic** : felix deserves All The Cuddles In The World rn

**bastard** : right now and forever dude

**saturnz barz** : any updates on him?

**stringbean** : he and chenle are sleeping, so i think it’s safe to say that he’s gonna be ok.

**saturnz barz** : Good

  
  


-

  
  


**sunshine** : thank you guys :(

**bastard** : FELIX

**pubby** : FELIXCHF

**knife cat** : HELLO SUNSHINE !!!!!!!

**mr. worldwide** : HELLO FELIX OUR RAY OF SUNSHINE THE LIGHT OF OUR LIVES 

**hot topic** : HELLO HANDSOME ANGEL YOU ARE LOVED BY ALL OF US SO FUCKING MUCH !!!!!!!!!

**stepdad** : MY BABY MY ANGEL MY SUN THE LOVE OF OUR LIVES WE LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH 

**stringbean** : felix don’t let anyone tell you what to do with your life, because you’re an absolute angel who doesn’t deserve to go through shit like that we love you SO MUCH

**arsonist** : most of us aren't trans so we aren't ever gonna know the dysphoria and the shit you go through on the daily but we know that you and others don't deserve any of it. you're loved so FUCKING much and don't you EVER forget it.

**vancoolver** : i haven’t known you for long but you are loved so much and we’re always here for you :) 

**remjun** : fuck the people who’s minds are too closed off to realize just how special of a person you are. they don’t deserve you.

**jenowo** : you’re loved So Much and if people can’t accept you for who you are or what you like to do or wear then Fucking Deck Them

**vore** : i may not say it A Lot BUT I’LL SAY IT ALOT TODAY ILY FELIX WE ALL DO 

**saturnz barz** : you deserve the world and so much more you’re loved So Much

**saturnz barz** : dysphoria fucking Sucks and so do people who don’t understand you. but we’re here to support you and love you no matter what.

**saturnz barz** : (as long as it’s not illegal)

**sunshine** : GUYS YALL ARE BLOWING UP MY OHONE

**sunshine** : I LOVE YOUNTOO WHAT THE FUCVK

**sunshine** : no but really thank you guys for your kind words earlier :( yesterday was shit but all of you made it better 

**sunshine** : like yall are so sweet it’s Unreal

**bastard** : i suggest to make felix feel even more better we all show up to our classes tomorrow in skirts

**stepdad** : ABSO FUCKING LUTELY

**sunshine** : WHDHDHS

**jenowo** : oh i am DOWN

**stringbean** : ME CHENLE AND CHAN ARE SO DOWN FOR THAT

**hot topic** : SKIRTS OUT FOR FELIX

**vore** : SKIRTS OUT FOR FELIX!!!!!!!!!

**pubby** : SKIRTS OUT FOR FELIX

**mr. worldwide** : SKIRTS OUT FOR FELIX

**sunshine** : YALL I- 

**sunshine** : you don't have to do that really !!

**stringbean** : WERE GONNA DO IT

**remjun** : yessss

**vancoolver** : sweet !!

**saturnz barz** : Hell Yea

**knife cat** : LETS GOOOOOOOO

-

  
  


**sunshine** : i-

**sunshine** : you guys actually,

**bastard** : FISHNETS N ALL BABIEEE

**mr. worldwide** : WE LOOK LIKE FUCKING SNACKSSSSS

**hot topic** : how dare you not assume i am a Full Course Meal rn

**saturnz barz** : im gonna have to change out of mine for class since i guarantee you dancing in a skirt Is Not As Fun As It Sounds

**saturnz barz** : but i Will wear it the rest of the day tho

**stepdad** : as a fellow dance student (albeit former) I Feel You

**arsonist** : denim skirts are Superior i said what i said

**vancoolver** : you’re right and you should Say It

**chad** : im w felix rn and i can confirm that he is Actually crying

**sunshine** : SSHUSHIM HAPPY

**pubby** : aww felix !!

**arsonist** : FELIXXXX

**stringbean** : WE LOVE YOU BITCH

**bastard** : WE AINT GONNA NEVER STOP LOVING YOU

**vore** : BITCH

**remjun** : i would give you a Hug out of Comfort and Reassurance but idk where you are so just

**remjun** : You Just Got Sent One Via Gc

**sunshine** : i just :(( ur all too sweet ilysm

**jenowo** : ♡ !!

**knife cat** : ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

**chad** : we love you too felix :’)) ♡

**sunshine** : ♡♡♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i have any fellow trans/nonbinary readers here just know that ily so so much and so do all of nct and skz
> 
> moral of the story is that clothing shouldn't be gendered and to treat trans people with some fucking Respect.


	8. changbin, the luckiest man alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally,, the chapter where changbin changes his username because I Never Really Liked It
> 
> chad - chan  
> stepdad - minho  
> hot topic - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> mr. worldwide - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

[ _Private Chat:_ **_*softly but w/ feeling* bro_** ] 

  
  


**yongie** : get up baby face you're leaving the house today

**jiji** : wh

**yongie** : we’re going grocery shopping also you need driving experience

**jiji** : h

**yongie** : don’t h me when your skills test is literally in a week 

**jiji** : im telling you i can just order a pair of heelys and go places on those

**yongie** : sounds nice in theory but that’s an Awful idea

**jiji** : when have i ever had a bad idea ever

**yongie** : do you want the list chronological or alphabetical

**jiji** : .

**jiji** : you know what nvm

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat:_ **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

  
  


**stringbean** : YALLLLLLLLLL

**stringbean** : FELLAS ITS STORYTIMEEEE

**pubby** : this Concerns me

**bastard** : OH?

**mr. worldwide** : OH????

**stringbean** : so im @ the grocery store right just getting dorm snacks because one of my roommates ran out and Me, Being The Kind And Generous Person I Am, went out to get stuff

**pubby** : how are ur roomies btw?

**stringbean** : they’re all doing ok, daehwi’s doing dandy, bomin’s got a HELL of a project comin up so i haven't seen him much lately, and sanha’s with me rn as we speak

**stringbean** : N E WAYS

**stringbean** : so i’m in the chip aisle and turning the corner i see this tall kid with this HANDSOME as HELL man but i was also immediately like “wait wait I Know You From Somewhere-”

**stringbean** : dude had a face straight out a magazine,,

**sunshine** : god only knows but will you ever leave him ?

**pubby** : calm down we’re not in emo hours yet

**jenowo** : Did You Just Call The 1975 Emo

**pubby** : not anymore they’re not ! 

**sunshine** : the 1975 is still their best album You Can’t Change My Mind

**knife cat** : THIS IS ILIWYSFYASBYSUOI ERASURE AND YOU KNOW IT

**stepdad** : Is That A Fucking Keyboard Smash

**stringbean** : LIKE I WAS SAYING 

**stringbean** : dude was handsome as FUCK so much so that it was scary

**stringbean** : but his voice was also super soft so :(( like sir What’s The Truth

**remjun** : you sound like when jisung ran into felix that one time

**stringbean** : ACTUALLY

**jenowo** : Wh

**stringbean** : so one of the things i didnt notice abt him at first until sanha pointed it out to me was that he had pink bubblegum hair

**stringbean** : and i

**bastard** : DID YOU FUCKING RUN INTO JISUNG AND HIS DILF BROTHER

**stringbean** : I RAN INTO JISUNG AND HIS DILF BROTHERFHDHDHFHDNDJ

**knife cat** : WHDHHDHS

**saturnz barz** : Pls Stop Calling Taeyong A Dilf I’m Begging You

**stringbean** : ALSO JISUNG????? IS FUCKIGNNTALL ????????????

**stringbean** : like i pride myself in the fact that i’m the tallest one out of my friend group and that i’m not the shortest out of my roomates

**stringbean** : (everybody say thank u daehwi) 

**stringbean** : but next to jisung i felt so fucking tiny,, Teeny . An Meer Ant .

**sunshine** : WHEN I RAN INTO HIM THAT ONE TIME HIS HEIGHT KINDA THREW ME OFF TOO

**sunshine** : LIKE JISUNG ILY BUT I FELT SO SMALL COMPARED TO YOUHFHF

**saturnz barz** : I’m Only 180 cm ,

**pubby** : i-

**chad** : congrats jisung you may be the youngest but youre also The Tallest Out Of All Of Us

**remjun** : don’t tell him that it’ll get to his head

**saturnz barz** : hehe :)

**remjun** : SEE

**stringbean** : SO BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING

**sunshine** : this could be us but you playin-

**stringbean** : So i recognize Prince Gumball (i know his name’s taeyong but i’m still gonna call him that) 

**stringbean** : and i remember that he was jisungs brother so i was like “jisung ?” and

**stringbean** : can i just say jisung ur so adorable like you have the Babiest Face Ever

**sunshine** : HE DOES

**knife cat** : BABY BOY. BABIE. 

**saturnz barz** : ä 

**stringbean** : but thats abt it i was then like “JISUNG ITS ME HYUNJIN FROM THE GC” and the rest is History

**stringbean** : also one thing that seungmin and jeongin forgot to mention is that prince gumball’s fucking TINY

**pubby** : i think he was a bit taller than us? maybe? i don't really remember

**vore** : also hyunjin you call everyone shorter than you tiny

**saturnz barz** : He Was An Inch Shorter Than You Hyunjin

**stringbean** : Teeny Man

**hot topic** : im assuming hes 5’9 then and even Thats p tall

**stringbean** : that’s cause ur the tiniest out of the bunch

**hot topic** : And Yet I Can Still Bench Press Anyone Here ! 

**hot topic** : my height makes me Adorable but i can still knock some lights out

**hot topic** : A Double Threat if you will

**stepdad** : that’s true i can attest to that ! he is Stronk

**stepdad** : *strong

**hot topic** : no wait

  
  


[ _User_ **_hot topic_ ** _changed their name to_ **_stronk_** _!_ ]

  
  


**stronk** : i love that more than i should

**jenowo** : If We Put Changbin And Jisung In The Same Room Will The Universe Implode 

**vore** : one way to find out! :D

**chad** : changbin and i were actually at the gym one time and this Really good looking Really tall guy came in and changbin Couldn’t Handle It

**chad** : he still talks about him and it's been like three weeks

**stronk** : NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

**stronk** : HE WAS BUFF AS HELL, TOOK BOXING, HAD A GOD SENT FACE, IS FUCKING 6 FOOT SOMETHING, AND LOOKED SCARY AS HELL

**sunshine** : damn that’s coming from you too that must rlly mean he’s intimidating

**sunshine** : then again you’re literally the Softest Person Ever so

**stronk** : SEE THATS JUST YHE THING

**stronk** : HE LOOKED SO INTIMIDATING THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM. I SAW HIM GLARE AT SOMEONE AND I THOUGHT HIS EYES COULD KILL

**stronk** : BUT CHAN, THE FUCKER

**chad** : it’s called being a wingman B)

**stronk** : JUST APPROACHED HIM LIKE EVERYTHING WAS CASUAL AND HE???????????

**stronk** : HES SO FUCKING NICE .

**stronk** : HES SWEET AND HAS A NICE LAUGH AND IS A DORK AND FUNNY AND HES MY GYM BUDDY NOW

**bastard** : gym buddy,,

**stronk** : GYM BUDDY,,

**stronk** : AND IM JUST

**stronk** : F UCK

**chad** : he also gave you a hug once and you cried afterwards 

**stronk** : AND WHAT ABOUT IT

**jenowo** : Does Changbin Have A Crush On The Gym Man

**stronk** : YKNOW EHAT

**stronk** : .

**stronk** : i wanna say No but if he were to slap me into the 6th dimension i would still thank him

**sunshine** : So That’s A Yes Then

**stronk** : you know what Yeah

**stringbean** : GHHCHFBFH

**stronk** : i’m gay can you Blame Me

**chad** : im p sure he knows

**stronk**. HE BETTER NOTHGHHF

**mr. worldwide** : does he go here? :00

**stronk** : .

**stronk** : so here’s the thing

**stronk** : he’s already graduated

**stronk** : with a masters .

**bastard** : OJH MY FUCKING GODD??????

**stepdad** : CHANGBIN IS THERE SOMETHING YOURE NOT TELLING US

**knife cat** : DID CHANGBIN GET A WHOLE ASS SUGAR DADDY BEFORE ME

**stronk** : firstly. jaemin what the Fuck is That supposed to mean

**stronk** : secondly. he’s only four years older than me i Think

**stronk** : thirdly. He’s Not My Fucking Sugar Daddy

**pubby** : booooo

**stronk** : but if he Were to be my sugar daddy would i complain? no

**remjun** : i had a feeling someone in the gc would one day become a sugar baby i just didn’t think it’d be changbin

**stronk** : once again The Fuck Is That Supposed To Mean

**stronk** : you know what fuck u i’m gonna become his sugar baby out of spite 

**sunshine** : GHHCBDBDHDHD

**arsonist** : i come back from studying like a Good Child to a convo abt sugar daddies

**arsonist** : Should I Be Concerned

**mr. worldwide** : wait i wanna see what changbin’s boy looks like :0!!!!!!!!

**chad** : lucky for you i was asked to take a few photos of him and one of both of them For Scale (because height difference) and i still have them!

**vore** : Send It !!!!!!!

**sunshine** : SEND ITTT

**bastard** : SEND IT

**chad** : [gympic.jpeg]

**chad** : [him.jpeg]

**chad** : [heightdifference.jpeg]

**pubby** : Oh My Fuck.

**stringbean** : CHANGBIN SECURED THE BAG LIKE GODDAMN,,,,

**bastard** : OH I’VE SEEN HIM AT THE GYM A FEW TIMES YEAH MAN IS FINE AS HELLLLL

**sunshine** : OH THATS A GOOD LOOKING MAN THATS A VERY GOOD LOOKING MAN

**vore** : THATS CHANGBINS CRUSH????????? 

**vore** : @ god bls gimme someone that hot im BEGGING Y

**stepdad** : . 

**stepdad** : changbin who did you save in your past life to be this man’s friend and sugar baby

**stronk** : GOD I WISH I KNEW

**remjun** : you know . with how many times we accidentally know the same people we should really expect things like this to happen more often

**mr. worldwide** : SOMEOEN GET MARK RIGHT FUCKING NOWJRNC

**stronk** : YOU KNOW HIM??,???,?.,.?.,.?

**saturnz barz** : JOHNNY ?

**arsonist** : JOHNNYYYYYYYYYXGXBXBD

**knife cat** : _JOHN FUCKING SEO_

**jenowo** : Changbin Your Sugar Daddy Is Mark’s Stepbrother

**stronk** : HE

**stronk** : WIAT HESWWHATFCFH

**mr. worldwide** : @vancoolver @vancoolver @vancoolver @vancoolver @vancooler @vancoolver

**mr.** **worldwide** : BITCH GET TF UPCKCJ

**vancoolver** : what goes On and Why should i be worried

**mr. worldwide** : READ EVERYTHING STARTING W CHAN TALKING ABT CHANGBINS GYM DUDE

**vancoolver** : i-

**vancoolver** : ok?? 

**stronk** : i want the ground below me to consume me whole

**vore** : :D 

**stronk** : _NOT LIKE THAT_

**vore** : ://

**sunshine** : WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENKNG TO USHHDHD

**arsonist** : i keep telling you this gc’s DESTINY

**jenowo** : i can guarantee you this probably Won’t Be The Last

**vancoolver** : So Lemme Get This Straight

**mr. worldwide** : despite this being rlly gay

**vancoolver** : not only goes changbin know johnny and is friends with johnny, but he also has a crush on him and now All Of You Guys Do Too

**pubby** : i really can’t blame changbin for that one he is ,, Yeah

**vancoolver** : This Is The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen

**vancoolver** : also johnny literally can’t be anyone’s sugar daddy “i still gotta pay off Student Fucking Loans”

**arsonist** : WAIT HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE BEEN ASKED TO BE ONE,,, 

**vancoolver** : he said “couple of times on tinder even though i’m Literally 25” and “if anyone here should be a sugar baby it’s Me”

**vancoolver** : also i’m literally with him rn he’s reading all of this off my shoulder

**stronk** : _HE EHAT_

**vancoolver** : i’m gonna let him type smth for you guys lol 

**stepdad** : so you’re telling me handsome gym man is HERE

**vore** : Hello Sir What Kingdom Did You Save In Your Previous Lifetime To Become The Perfect Man

**vancoolver** : hey guys im flattered that you guys think im handsome lmao thanks for that. mark and the boys talk about you a lot so i know you’re good people and all that! lol hope to hear more from you

**stringbean** : he,,,

**vore** : He . 

**stronk** : H

**sunshine** : wwere good peoplehchf

**stepdad** : Johnny I Would Lay Down My Life For You

**bastard** : DONT WE ALL

**jenowo** : the fact that this is only gonna happen more often is so funny to me

**jenowo** : like we’ll all be 80 something and one of us will be like “WaIt YoU kNoW jUnGwOo?”

**chad** : KIM JUNGWOO?

**pubby** : SNOOPY???

**stepdad** : MY COWORKER ?

**jenowo** : . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right as i was editing this jungkook posted either a cover or a song snippet and im gonna go cry now


	9. me @ minho: god i wish that were me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally a minho centered chapter,,, feels good . feels Organic .
> 
> chad - chan  
> stepdad - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> mr. worldwide - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

[ _Username_ **_stepdad_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_nobody talk to me im gay_** _!_ ]

  
  


**nobody talk to me im gay** : WE WERE BOTH YOUNG WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU

**nobody talk to me im gay** : I CLOSE MY EYES AND THE FLASHBACK STARTS

**nobody talk to me im gay** : IM STANDING THERE ON A BALCONY IN SUMMER AIR

**pubby** : WH

**chad** : MINHOCNCBFDB??????

**stronk** : HSBDHDHFHFHFHF

**nobody talk to me im gay** : SEE THE LIGHTS SEE THE PARTY THE BALL GOWNS

**vore** : IS THIS EMO HOURS ?

**mr. worldwide** : WHAT IN THE FUCK

**nobody talk to me im gay** : SEE YOU MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH THE CROWD AND SAY HELLO

**nobody talk to me im gay** : LITTLE DID I KNOW

**remjun** : Is He Ok

**pubby** : IDK HE'S NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE

**nobody talk to me im gay** : THAT YOU WERE ROMEO YOU WERE THROWING PEBBLES

**nobody talk to me im gay** : AND MY DADDY SAID STAY AWAY FROM JULIET

**bastard** : HCHFHSNDNFHDBFNXJXH

**arsonist** : IM

**nobody talk to me im gay** : AND I WAS CRYING ON THE STAIRCASE BEGGING YOU PLEASE DONT GOOOOOOOO

**nobody talk to me im gay** : AND I SAID

**sunshine** : ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE

**chad** : FELIX

**arsonist** : FEKDIXJ

**nobody talk to me im gay** : ILL BE WAITING ALL THERES LEFT TO DO IS RUN

**nobody talk to me im gay** : YOULL BE THE PRINCE AND ILL BE THE PRINCESS

**sunshine** : ITS A LOVE STORY

**nobody talk to me im gay** : BABY JUST SAY YES

**chad** : .

**chad**. Are You Guys Done

**nobody talk to me im gay** : YEAH

**saturnz barz** : i

**vancoolver** : I MISSED IT :(

**vancoolver** : i was gonna grab my guitar and everything :((

**sunshine** : VERSE TWO !

**pubby** : NO

**chad** : NO

**vore** : minho why were you in Emo Hours

**jenowo** : you call taylor swift emo?

**vore** : only old taylor swift

**vore** : Pre 1989 Taylor Swift Is Emo Swift

**nobody talk to me im gay** : I’m Not Emo I’m Gay

**nobody talk to me im gay** : AND I LOVE MY JOB

**pubby** : THAT'S A LIE YOU DONT LOVE YOUR JOB

**stronk** : minho the last time you said you loved your job was when espresso guy walked in ordering containers of death and you wanted to propose to him Immediately

**knife cat** : OH THATS RIGHT THAT WAS ME

**stronk** : LMAOOO OH YEAH I FORGOT

**jenowo** : wait if that’s the last time you said you loved your job

**jenowo** : Then That Means

**bastard** : MINHO WHO TF WAS IT

**sunshine** : WHO STOLE OUR FAVORITE BARISTAS HEART !!!!!!!!!

**vore** : isn't your favorite barista jungwoo tho?

**pubby** : He Sure Is Mine !

**remjun** : God Mood

**vancoolver** : GOD MOOD

**knife cat** : Minho Whom Are You This Whipped For

**mr. worldwide** : its gotta be someone special because no one’s Ever this level of gaylor swift circa 2008 whipped

**stronk** : gaylor swift

**sunshine** : GAYYLORKF SWEIFTFYRH

**jenowo** : GAYLOR SWIFT…….

**mr. worldwide** : _NO_

**saturnz barz** : gaylor swift

**arsonist** : GAYLOR SWIFTTT

**nobody talk to me im gay** : HCNNFNFNGNFNFN

**vore** : GAYLOR SWIFT

  
  


[ _User_ **_nobody talk to me im gay_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_gaylor swift_** _!_ ] 

  
  


**gaylor swift** : THATS ME !

**pubby** : im

**mr. worldwide** : FFFHFHFHFHFJFJFKNEJFJF

**bastard** : YESSSSS

**sunshine** : MI NHOGKFJFN

**stronk** : ANYWAYSHHD

**stronk** : Minho Whom

**pubby** : WHOMST

**knife cat** : Whomstve

**sunshine** : Who Yeeted Your Heart Outta Your Chest Cavity

**bastard** : minho’s heart: YEET

**arsonist** : minhos heart said YEET

**arsonist** : CHHDHFHD

**bastard** : same hat,,

**arsonist** : SAME HAT!!!!!

**remjun** : minho please just tell us the longer we get sidetracked the more braincells i Lose

**saturnz barz** : i think they were gone the moment we were added on here

**saturnz barz** : our braincells and minhos heart: Yeet

**arsonist** : JISUNGGGDGDGFHFH

**bastard** : AYYYYYYYE

**gaylor swift** : alrighty fellas sit down it’s Story Time

**gaylor swift** : wait where's hyunjin

**bastard** : uhhhhhhhhh

**stronk** : Not Here

**gaylor swift** : everyone’s gotta be here for Gay Story Time

**vore** : someone call hyunjin a word

**knife cat** : A Word?

**vancoolver** : Oh Word?

**saturnz barz** : oh worm ?

**arsonist** : Worm ,

**pubby** : . 

**pubby** : @stringbean @stringbean @stringbean @stringbean @stringbean @stringbean @stringbean

**pubby** : st*pid

**bastard** : GCHBDBF

**stringbean** : WH

**bastard** : WHHSHDHCHCHCHCNDNFND

**bastard** : WAIT SEUNGMIN HOW LONG WAS THAT

**pubby** : 12.6 SECONDS???

**bastard** : THATS A NEW RECORD BABYYYYYYY

**gaylor swift** : OK NOW THAT EVERYONES HERE

**gaylor swift** : STORY TIME

**stringbean** : what the FUCK did i miss

**saturnz barz** : a lot

**vore** : A Lot

**gaylor swift** : S T O R Y T I M E 

**gaylor swift** : so i was working right

**gaylor swift** : being a Good Citizen and working to pay rent and play into capitalism’s hands like the Cheap Harmonicas We’ve All Become

**remjun** : YEAH

**gaylor swift** : and there was barely anyone in the cafe which is Odd considering how many college students practically live here

**gaylor swift** : and i was working Alone since jungwoo was on his break and so was seungkwan so of course i felt Betrayed 

**mr. worldwide** : SEUNGKWANNNN

**mr. worldwide** : I FORGOT HE WORKED THEIR NOW I GOTTA VISIT SOMETIME

**gaylor swift** : ye he just started like a few weeks ago !

**gaylor swift** : ANYWAYS

**gaylor swift** : so im working both register and actual barista-ing ALONE but thankfully no one was there

**gaylor swift** : until i heard someone open the door and i was about to fucking bash my head into the counter

**gaylor swift** : but he

**gaylor swift** : HE

**saturnz barz** : he ?

**gaylor swift** : He , 

**mr. worldwide** : HE????

**gaylor swift** : HE ,,,

**gaylor swift** : I Am Not Kidding When I Say That This Man Was The Most Gorgeous And Handsome Man I Have Ever Laid My Eyes On

**chad** : :0!!

**pubby** : please tell me he’s your age and you’re not pining after him and being a sugar baby like changbin

**stronk** : IM NO TPININGNG

**gaylor swift** : I’ll Get To That

**gaylor swift** : like he walked in and my heart went Boom

**remjun** : get you and your theater kid ass Out Of This House

**sunshine** : AWW HE’S QUOTING HELPLESS

**vore** : HES WHIPPED YOUR HONOR

**gaylor swift** : and so me, The King Of Professionalism, asked him for his order and gave him a smile and HE AMILED BACKKXDM

**chad** : HE MUST RLLY BE SOMETHING MINHO YOU’VE NEVER BEEN A PANICKED GAY IN YOUR LIFE

**gaylor swift** : I KNOW,,,,

**gaylor swift** : My Confident Gay Exterior Is Crumbling

**gaylor swift** : So I Took His Order and I Make It and he’s just standing there

**gaylor swift** : and he said that he came because seungkwan worked here and he wanted to visit

**gaylor swift** : so they're friends and around the same age which means he's around My Age so i'm Not a sugar baby Seungmin

**gaylor swift** : so i was like “oh he’s on break rn but he’ll be back in a bit”

**gaylor swift** : AND THEN I SAID

**bastard** : WHATD YOU SAY

**gaylor swift** : I SAID THAT I COULD KEEP HIM COMPANY IF HE WANTED

**sunshine** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**mr. worldwide** : HHHCHFBCBNFNFNFNFNRNFJF

**knife cat** : AAAAAAAAAA

**stringbean** : MINHO YOU SMOOTH FUCKER

**bastard** : MINHOOOOOOOOOO

**pubby** : he! did! that!!

**gaylor swift** : AND HE SAID YEAH,,

**gaylor swift** : SO HE SAT NEAR THE COUNTER AND I WAS STILL BEHIND IT BECAUSE I WAS STILL AT WORK AND WE TALKED FOR LIKE A GOOD TEN MINUTES

**chad** : A WHOLE 20 MINUTES??

**gaylor swift** : A WHOLE TWENTY MINUTES

**saturnz barz** : @ god When

**arsonist** : god makes you run into soft skater boys jisung we Established This

**sunshine** : uwu

**gaylor swift** : and then seungkwan comes back and we all start talking which was nice because i haven’t gotten to know seungkwan yet and he seems sweet

**bastard** : Very Nice if you will

**stringbean** : i dont get it

**mr. worldwide** : yeah he’s sweet until soonyoung’s in the room and then it’s basically like a Fighting Arena

**mr. worldwide** : i’ve hung out w both of them at once before it’s Hilarious

**mr. worldwide** : They Love Each Other I Swear

**gaylor swift** : donghyuck How Do You Even Know Seungkwan

**mr. worldwide** : he was my roommate when he was a junior and i was a freshman and we’ve been friends ever since ! 

**gaylor swift** : ahh Cool Beans

**vancoolver** : i get it cause you're a barista !

**vancoolver** : and you work with coffee beans a lot ! 

**gaylor swift** : .

**gaylor swift** : mark i would Die for you

**vancoolver** : i get that a Lot

**gaylor swift** : so before he had to leave because He Himself was on break, i gave him a free cookie because I’m Just Nice Like That

**vore** : minho whenever _i_ ask for a free cookie you swat my hand and tell me nothing in life is free :/

**gaylor swift** : Hush Child I’m Getting To The Best Part

**vancoolver** : there’s a best part?

**gaylor swift** : THERE'S A BEST PART

**gaylor swift** : so i give him the free cookie

**gaylor swift** : AND YALL

**gaylor swift** : HE GAVE MY HIS NUMBER

**chad** : OH MY GOD MINHO????????

**knife cat** : YOOOOOOOOOOOO

**bastard** : MINHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**stringbean** : _LEE MINHO_

**saturnz barz** : damn you really Secured The Bag

**sunshine** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**pubby** : oh my god the “Minho Stop Complaining About Being Single Challenge” is about to be Completed

**gaylor swift** : I MEAN ,

**gaylor swift** : wait i don't even know if he’s in a relationship or not . or even if he likes guys or not 

**gaylor swift** : because ngl as much as he was Extremely Good Looking

**gaylor swift** : He Was Radiating Serious Hetero Energy

**stringbean** : oh minho i am So Sorry

**saturnz barz** : rip

**mr. worldwide** : if it’s who i think it is i can assure you He’s Not Straight

**gaylor swift** : wait pm me

**mr. worldwide** : On It

**vore** : Now The Real Question Remains

**vore** : Does Minho Have A Chance

**chad** : *jeopardy music intensifies*

**arsonist** : *kahoot music intensifies*

**saturnz barz** : *both jeopardy and kahoot music intensify*

**knife cat** : *jeopardy and kahoot music play at the same time but it’s bass boosted*

**vancoolver** : jeopardy and kahoot are Boyfriends

**stringbean** : you Fool. They’re Married

**jenowo** : jeopardy’s a history professor at the local university and kahoot’s an elementary school teacher across town

**bastard** : strangers to friends to lovers au !!!!!!!!!

**pubby** : 200k, fluff, tooth rotting fluff, so much fluff You Dissolve Like Cotton Candy In Water

**stringbean** : multi-chaptered, completed, 200k, rated T for most of it until chapter 36, fluff, hurt/comfort, some angst but v little of it, happy ending

**chad** : What Happens In Chapter 36

**stringbean** : oh you know ;))

**chad** : I’ve Gone Deaf In Both Eyes

**knife cat** : THERE ARE _CHILDREN_ IN THIS GC

**saturnz barz** : I Am Eighteen

**knife cat** : nah ur Babie

**saturnz barz** : I Mean Youre Right But Im Eighteen

**gaylor swift** : FELLAS HE’S NOT STRAIGHT

**arsonist** : AAAAA

**vore** : JCJDBFJDBDH

**stronk** : HE DID IT,,,,

**remjun** : The Crazy Son Of A Bitch Actually Did It ,

**jenowo** : Congrats Gaylor Swift

**bastard** : CHDBNEJFBDJFBD MINHOOO

**sunshine** : Can We Belt Out Verse Two Now

**chad** : NO

**gaylor swift** : ABSOLUTELY

**remjun** : N O 

**knife cat** : HNGNNGRNNDHXHFDNCH

**gaylor swift** : SO I SNEAK OUT TO THE GARDEN TO SEE YOU

**sunshine** : WE KEEP QUIET CAUSE WERE DEAD IF THEY KNEW SO CLOSE YOUR EYESSS

**pubby** : go d

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only I know who minho's coffee shop boy is :) but don't worry He Will Make An Appearance
> 
> still debating whether to make them an actual thing or not because 1. fellas, don't actually ship real people. these aren't the Actual Idols in my story. like if it's for a fic or some art, i'd say do whatever, but like actually thinking it's gonna happen irl? nah dude that's not Right. and 2. idk i feel like my irls will find this fic and think i'm weird
> 
> who knows what i'll do I Sure Fucking Don't !


	10. the chapter with seventeen in it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part two of the minho and his coffee shop boy arc (ft. coffee shop boy himself and his friends)
> 
> chad - chan  
> gaylor swift - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> mr. worldwide - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung
> 
> NOW ADDING !!!!
> 
> the actual baby - seungcheol  
> loki - jeonghan  
> shua - joshua  
> junh oui - jun  
> ₩oo - wonwoo  
> god - soonyoung  
> jihuwun - jihoon  
> falcetto man - seokmin  
> mingyuwu - mingyu  
> gay and tired - minghao  
> beyonce’s oldest child - seungkwan  
> im walkin ova heah - vernon  
> dance fucker dance - (lee) chan
> 
> (author's note: vernon's username Has to be read in the New York voice for the full effect)

[ _Group Chat:_ ** _12 struggling to function adults and their sexy college friend chan_** ]

  
  


**shua** : daily reminder that i despise vernon’s username with every fiber of my being

**im walkin ova heah** : chfnnffb

**im walkin ova heah** : sounds like a you problem

**shua** : this is homohobia

**im walkin ova heah** : literally no one heres straight joshua

**gay and tired** : imagine how boring this chat would be if we had one (1) het in here

**loki** : imagine how boring the chat would be if we were all cis

**the actual baby** : speaking of which

**the actual baby** : *eyes joshua, jeonghan, and jihoon* 

**the actual baby** : did you guys remember to take your t shots

**jihuwun** : dang @ us why dont you

**the actual baby** : @shua @loki @jihuwun

**the actual baby** : Did You Take Your Hormone Shot 

**junh oui** : three transmascs walk into a bar

**jihuwun** : a he/him trans man, a they/them / he/him trans masc (me), and a xe/xem trans masc walk into a bar

**shua** : whats the joke jihoon

**jihuwun** : there Is no joke it’s just a statement of what happened literally a week ago

**loki** : tag urself im the xe/xem transmasc

**the actual baby** : we know this jeonghan and we love you

**loki** : Good

**loki** : also yes i Did take my t shot the other day because i am a Good Child

**mingyuwu** : jeonghan not only are you one of the oldest ones here

**mingyuwu** : but you’re also one of the most chaotic ones too,, If Not The Most Chaotic

**loki** : [bass boosted] Good.

**junh oui** : i would say soonyoung also because of his zodiac chart And the furry energy ,,

**god** : On All Levels Except Physical, I Am A Tiger

**gay and tired** : soonyoung, standing in front of the ocean: horanghae 

**god** : HCHDHDNDJFHDBEND

**beyonce’s eldest child** : Speaking Of @ing People

**beyonce’s eldest child** : @ Literally Everyone Here

**beyonce’s eldest child** : get ur ASSES down here

**beyonce’s eldest child** : and also SPEAKING of stuff that happened earlier within the weak

**im walkin ova heah** : seungkwan pleas e ,

**loki** : OH?

**falcetto man** : OH ?

**dance fucker dance** : O h ?

**₩oo** : eye emoji eye emoji

**god** : 👁👄👁

**falcetto man** : SOONYOUNG THATS SO THREATENING PLS

**junh oui** : thanks ! i Hate It !

**beyonce’s eldest child** : SO VERNON, OUR MAN OF THE HOUR

**beyonce’s eldest child** : GAVE MY COWORKER HIS NUMBER YESTERDAY

**falcetto man** : OOOOOOOOO

**loki** : OH?,?,??.?,?,?

**mingyuwu** : JUNGWOO ???

**beyonce’s eldest child** : NO THE OTHER ONEEHHDHDHD

**gay and tired** : OH

**gay and tired** : wait i dont know his name

**beyonce’s eldest child** : im

**beyonce’s eldest child** : our names are Literally pinned on our aprons

**gay and tired** : i can’t remember Shit man

**beyonce’s eldest child** : YOU, SEOKMIN, AND MINGYU CAME BY THIS MORNING

**beyonce’s eldest child** : I LITERALLY INTRODUCED HIM TO YOU GUYS

**beyonce’s eldest child** : HE LITERALLY LOOKED YOU IN THE EYES AND SAID “NICE TO MEET YOU” 

**gay and tired** : shhhshhdhxhd

**mingyuwu** : OH THE SHORT PRETTY ONE ?

**falcetto man** : OH HE,,,,,, HE,,,,,,,,,,

**the actual baby** : does he have an instagram? :0

**god** : yeah i gotta do a Background Check

**god** : if vernon's gonna give his number out to just Anyone i gotta Approve Of Them

**im walkin ova heah** : i

**beyonce’s eldest child** : .

**beyonce’s eldest child** : @ minho forgive me for what i’m about to do

**beyonce’s eldest child** : [link: @lino98’s profile on instagram] 

**im walkin ova heah** : seungkwan you didnt think to tell me he had an ig

**beyonce’s eldest child** : it was to save you from looking through it and accidentally liking a post from 146 weeks ago

**im walkin ova heah** : that happened One Time

**dance fucker dance** : vernon what kingdom did you save in your past life to get the attention of Him

**dance fucker dance** : like he’s stunning,, Gorgeous

**loki** : OH HE’S GORGEOUS ,

**jihuwun** : ooo yeah he’s pretty !

**god** : HIS CATS,,, I LOVE HIS CATS

**god** : vernon if you break his heart i Will k word you

**im walkin ova heah** : you know what Understandable

**shua** : wait you gave him Your number, right?

**shua** : he could text you at any moment !

**im walkin ova heah** : .

**im walkin ova heah** : h

**₩oo** : joshua i think u broke him 

**falcetto man** : CHHDJDNDJCHDHD

**gay and tired** : vernon?? vernon??

**junh oui** : ms keisha??? 

**god** : And Now We Wait

**god** : (or however long it takes for ao3 user houseofcyphers to get off minecraft and actually write it)

**gay and tired** : im

**gay and tired** : soonyoung What

**god** : Don’t Worry About It

**gay and tired** : ???? ok?????

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat:_ **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

  
  


**chad** : minho.

**gaylor swift** : yes chan

**chad** : how long have you had that boy’s number

**gaylor swift** : since yesterday

**chad** : have you talked to him any

**gaylor swift** : .

**gaylor swift** : ok listen

**bastard** : MINHO

**knife cat** : MINHOFNFB

**stringbean** : WHAT HAPPENED TO CONFIDENT GAY MINHO??,?,,?.?.?

**gaylor swift** : L ISTEN

**gaylor swift** : although i am known for being confident and i Pride myself for it

**gaylor swift** : i’m also babie don’t be mean to me

**arsonist** : FELT THAT

**stringbean** : MINHOFKFNFNN

**stronk** : i mean he’s Right ur honor

**gaylor swift** : things i am Soft For

**gaylor swift** : a) my cats. i fucking love my cats

**vore** : it’s true you do love your cats 

**gaylor swift** : b) y’all but you didn’t hear that from me

**chad** : AWW

**sunshine** : AWWWW :(((

**gaylor swift** : chenle’s gang That Includes You Too

**remjun** : i’m Soft

**saturnz barz** : ä

**knife cat** : AWWWWWWWWW

**vancoolver** : :’0 !!

**arsonist** : AHHH

**gaylor swift** : c) seungkwan’s friend

**chad** : wait minho

**chad** : do you even know his name?

**gaylor swift** : .

**gaylor swift** : Oh My God I Forgot To Ask For His Name

**bastard** : MIGNGNGNHNFNGJFHFHFHCNFHF

**sunshine** : M INHOGJGN

**remjun** : I,,

**pubby** : HOW-

**pubby** : YOU’RE A BARISTA?

**pubby** : YOU DIDNT idk uhh _ASK FOR HIS NAME?_

**gaylor swift** : WE WERE THE ONLY ONES IN THE SHOP HE KNEW IT WAS HIS DRINK

**gaylor swift** : AND WHEN SEUNGKWAN CAME BACK HE WAS ONLY LIKE “oh hey i didn’t know you’d come by here!” and The Boy was like “well it’s not like you constantly tell the gc to visit us or else you get sulky” and that’s where the conversation picked off of

**gaylor swift** : HE NEVER ONCE SAIS HIS FUCKING NAME , 

**knife cat** : what about donghyuck??? didn’t he Literally pm you to tell you he wasn’t straight?????

**gaylor swift** : HE ONLY SENT A PIC OF HIM AND WAS LIKE “sharp jawline, month younger than seungkwan, nice smile, laughs at deep fried bass boosted memes? yeah he likes men.” HE DIDNT

**gaylor swift** : wait .

**gaylor swift** : @mr. worldwide @mr. worldwide @mr. worldwide

**gaylor swift** : GET IN HERE BITCH WHATS HIS NAME

**knife cat** : HE AND JENO ARE IN CLASSJDND

**gaylor swift** : FUCK

**chad** : idk minho maybe TEXT HIM AND ASK HIM

**chad** : IT’S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER OR ANYTHING

**gaylor swift** : DONT BE MEAN TO MEXHNXND

**gaylor swift** : HE MENTIONED THAT HE WORKS AT SOME RECORD SHOP WITH A FRIEND OF HIS AND I THINK HE GETS OFF AROUND AN HOUR???

**gaylor swift** : i’ll text him Then

**chad** : GOOD

**stringbean** : FINALLY

**vancoolver** : you got this we Believe In You

**gaylor swift** : Thank You

**gaylor swift** : . 

**gaylor swift** : whomst is ig user chwenotchew and why did they like a post of mine from 3 months ago

**remjun** : idk man but Good Luck With That

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat:_ **_12 struggling to function adults and their sexy college friend chan_** ]

  
  


**im walkin ova heah** : FUCK

**mingyuwu** : VERNON I SWEAR , 

**im walkin ova heah** : SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

**mingyuwu** : SHUT UP GET OFF INSTAGRAM AND _PLEASE_ HELP ME SHELVE THESE VINYLS

**im walkin ova heah** : H

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat:_ **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

  
  


**gaylor swift** : it’s 6:30

**gaylor swift** : i’m gonna do it

**gaylor swift** : pls hype me up i think i might Pass Out

**vancoolver** : good luck !!!

**sunshine** : OOOO GOOD LUCK MINHO !!!!!

**bastard** : AAA YOU GOT THIS

**jenowo** : go get him !!

**chad** : GOOD LUCK!

**stronk** : good luck !

**pubby** : GO GET HIM

**arsonist** : AAAAAAAAAAA

**knife cat** : AAAAAAH YOU GOT THIS

**remjun** : Don’t Fuck It Up!

**vore** : you! got! this!

**saturnz barz** : you got: this!

**mr. worldwide** : YOOOOO GOOD LUCK !

**stringbean** : AAAAAAAAAAA

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Unknown User:_ **_Lee Minho_** ]

**Lee Minho** : hi, it’s the barista from yesterday! :)

[Accept] [Decline]

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat_ : **_12 struggling to function adults and their sexy college friend chan_** ]

  
  


**jihuwun** : someone please tell me why vernon just sat his phone down and is just lying down on the couch and staring at the ceiling

**jihuwun** : i don’t think he’s breathing

**the actual baby** : i didn’t think he’d be This dramatic when dealing with boys 

**loki** : like you don’t turn into a blushing disaster when Any Boy is nice to you at work

**the actual baby** : shhhhhut up

**god** : seungcheol: i hate men

a cute boy: does Anything

seungcheol: the owner of this account is currently [BASS BOOSTED MICROWAVE NOISES] 

**loki** : YEAH

**the actual baby** : SHHHHHUT UP

**loki** : not to mention barely any one of us here Isn’t a disaster around boys

**loki** : the only confident gay around heres wonwoo and hes just Chill

**shua** : back to vernon, did barista boy finally message him? 

**beyonce’s eldest child** : he probably did if vernon’s acting like This

**im walkin ova heah** : me @ me: you fool. you Buffoon. You Absolute Ignoramus. 

**im walkin ova heah** : how do i uhhh

**im walkin ova heah** : Message Back

**falcetto man** : you got this!! we believe in you!!!

**im walkin ova heah** : seokmin ur the only one here i’ve ever respected

**god** : Don’t Say That It’ll Get To His Head

**falcetto man** : :D !!

**god** : SEE

**the actual baby** : vernon, no matter what happens, nothing can be as bad as liking an old ig post of his, so you’re Fine

**im walkin ova heah** : UHHH

**mingyuwu** : lmao scroll up

**the actual baby** : . 

**the actual baby** : you didn’t.

**im walkin ova heah** : ok listen ,

**shua** : wait how long has it been since he messaged you?

**im walkin ova heah** : ten minutes .

**beyonce’s eldest child** : _VERNON_. 

**loki** : BITCH GET OUT OF HERE AND MESSAGE YOUR MAN

**im walkin ova heah** : I WILL

**im walkin ova heah** : jihoon can you Bls come in here for moral and emotional support

**jihuwun** : usually i would be like “you’re on your own” but i wanna see how this plays out

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Unknown User_ : **_Lee Minho_** ]

  
  


[ ** _Accept_** ] [Decline]

  
  


**Chwe Hansol** : aaaah hey! tbh i didn’t think you were gonna message me lol

**Lee Minho** : ifmdnf

**Lee Minho** : SHIT sorry i

**Chwe Hansol** : hmfnfndhchdbdb

**Lee Minho** : i mean ahaha i’m glad you responded !! because i rlly liked our convo yesterday hngngngn

**Chwe Hansol** : so did i! you’re really nice to talk to!!

**Lee Minho** : hnnnhn so are you !!

**Lee Minho** : wait are you chwenotchew on ig

**Lee Minho** : NO WWIAT

**Chwe Hansol** : IN MY DEFENSECNND 

**Chwe Hansol** : SEUNGKWAN SENT IT TO THE GC AND I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF UR CATS AND ,

**Chwe Hansol** : IT ALWAYS HAPPENS IM SORRY

**Lee Minho** : NO IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO SEND IT I JUST KINDA REALIZED ITFNDN ITS CUTE

**Lee Minho** : WAIT ,

**Chwe Hansol** : H

**Lee Minho** : I ALSO SIDNT MEAN TO SEND THAT AND I FUCJCKDN

**Lee Minho** : NOT TO SAY YOUARENT CUTE YOURE EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE

**Lee Minho** : @ ME SHUT UP CHALLENGE

**Chwe Hansol** : GFNFNEHDHD

**Lee Minho** : i,, can we Pls start over,, this went from 0 to 100 so quick,, my heart Cannot Take It 

**Chwe Hansol** : hcndhd alright

**Chwe Hansol** : at least we don’t have to talk like locals this time

**Lee Minho** : Oh Thank God

**Lee Minho** : so uhhhh

**Lee Minho** : your name’s hansol?

**Chwe Hansol** : i never told you my name back at the cafe did i

**Lee Minho** : no it’s my fault for not asking it in the first place h

**Chwe Hansol** : No It’s 100% My Bad. if it helps, i usually go by my english name vernon!

**Lee Minho** : oh thats Really cute

**Lee Minho** : WIATSHS

**Lee Minho** : . you know what I’m Not Taking That Back

**Chwe Hansol** : CHNDDNFBDB

**Lee Minho** : oh wait you mentioned the us at some point back at the coffee shop didn't you? 

**Chwe Hansol** : oh yeahh i’m from new york but i moved to korea when i was little! 

**Lee Minho** : ooo i don’t think i know anyone from the states? two of my friends are from australia and i have another one from canada.

**Chwe Hansol** : ah nice !!

**Lee Minho** : so do you want me to call you hansol or vernon? 

**Chwe Hansol** : whichever !

**Lee Minho** : or should i call you tonight? :)

**Chwe Hansol** : H

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat_ : **_12 struggling to function adults and their sexy college friend chan_** ]

  
  


**im walkin ova heah** : due to personal reasons i have decided to pass away

**shua** : vernon??

**god** : chhdhdbdjfhd What Goes On

**jihuwun** : nobody panic his barista just flirted with him

**god** : LMAOODKDJFNFJ

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat_ : **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

  
  


**gaylor swift** : CONFIDENT GAY MINHOS STILL GOT IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was my first time writing for svt i hope i did them Justice
> 
> also yes jihoon and mingyu have matching usernames and i Totally wasn't being lazy


	11. sad and lonely ppl make some Noise !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter goes from chaotic to somewhat serious to chaotic again sorry abt that
> 
> chad - chan  
> gaylor swift - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> mr. worldwide - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

**stringbean** : alright fellas

**stringbean** : it’s been 84 years since minho got a boyfriend

**gaylor swift** : hyunjin what the fuck it’s been a week

**gaylor swift** : And He’s Not My Boyfriend

**stringbean** : You’re Talking With/Calling Him

**stringbean** : which means you’re Not Single Anymore

**gaylor swift** : i

**gaylor swift** : i mean ,

**stringbean** : so you got yourself a Whole Man

**stringbean** : while i’m just

**stringbean** : sitting here 

**stringbean** : _L O N E L Y_

**sunshine** : BIG MOOD

**vancoolver** : Felt That

**pubby** : shut up hyunjin we’re Literally cuddling

**pubby** : Do Our Cuddles Mean Nothing To You

**stringbean** : you Know i love our cuddle sessions every thursday

**stringbean** : but ur not my boyfriend seungmin

**pubby** : ngl that Kinda hurt

**stringbean** : SEUNGMIDNFNFNFN

**knife cat** : damn you made the puppy sad you Monster

**stringbean** : hey now monster’s for the sapphics and the sapphics Only

**remjun** : irene and seulgi rlly said Let’s Go Lesbians

**jenowo** : We Love To See It!

**saturnz barz** : *fist bumps the sky* for the lesbians,,

**gaylor swift** : what the fuck does that Mean

**saturnz barz** : the meme’s usually like *throws a kiss to the sky* for the [insert smth here] but i’m a boy therefore Lesbians Do Not Want A Kiss From Me

**saturnz barz** : i think they would prefer a mlm/wlw solidarity fist bump over a kiss from a stinky boy Any Day

**stringbean** : AND HERE I AM

**stringbean** : WANTING TO KITH A STINKY BOY

**saturnz barz** : whhhdhdhdjdjcj

**stringbean** : wh

**stringbean** : WAIT NOT YOUJGJF

**stringbean** : I MEAN NOT THAT I WOULDNT K*SS YOU

**stringbean** : BUTL IKE IN A FRIENDLY PLATONIC WAYYCHFHFND

**stringbean** : NVM NVM NVM

**bastard** : I Arrive To Hyunjin Panicking In Gay On Main

**stringbean** : speaking of Stinky Boys

**stringbean** : Hello Stinky

**bastard** : I TAKE TWO SHOWERS A DAY FUCK YOU

**stringbean** : nyeheheh

**stringbean** : i wanna inform the chat that right after i sent the wanting to kiss a boy message seungmin looked So Offended and said “i’m Right Here”

**stringbean** : NOW HE WONT EVEN TALK TO MENDHXHCH

**sunshine** : RIP

**knife cat** : wait?? are yall like?? a thing??

**chad** : they aren’t they’re just Like This

**stringbean** : lmao yeah no we’re just touchy

**knife cat** : Ahhh hcnfnfnnf

**arsonist** : jaemin you out of all of us should know that You Cuddle Us All The Time

**knife cat** : That's True I Am The King Of Platonic Gay Cuddling

**stringbean** : we did make a contract when we were 10 saying if we both weren’t married by the time we were 30 we’d just marry each other but Still

**knife cat** : SAME HAT BUT W ME AND JENO THIRTEEN YEARS AGO

**jenowo** : WH

**stringbean** : and like yeah cuddling w your bro/possible future husband n kissing the homies is Awesome and all

**stringbean** : but i want a LOVING PARTNER to HOLD ME INTO THEIR ARMS 

**stringbean** : AND CUDDLE ME . 

**knife cat** : GOD ME TOO ACTUALLY

**knife cat** : where's jeno i'm gonna Cuddle Him

**jenowo** : no wait jaemin when tf did we

**jenowo** : nvm i'll ask Later

**arsonist** : wait this actually reminds me of smth

**arsonist** : you guys mind if i get all Serious for a hot minute

**gaylor swift** : ofc yeah

**stringbean** : Spotlight’s Yours Pal !

**chad** : go ahead!

**jenowo** : sure!!

**knife cat** : !!

**arsonist** : ok so remember when i said i didn’t really have a label on my sexuality because i was still kind of Questioning it

**arsonist** : and i know it’s ok for people to not label their identity but with me i always kinda Knew smth was up

**arsonist** : i did a lot of thinking and uhhh

**arsonist** : i am in fact a Home Of Sexual

**arsonist** : so that’s a little update ig

**arsonist** : tldr boys ä

**arsonist** : drops the mic

**sunshine** : chenle!!!!!! ilysm !!!!!

**remjun** : Hell Fucking Yeah Chenle we love you so much

**jenowo** : Chenle !!! I’m so proud ily !!!

**mr. worldwide** : welcome to the Home Of Sexuals Club my son

**arsonist** : i’m not that much younger than you tho???

**mr. worldwide** : yeah you’re right

**mr. worldwide** : you’re more like my Bastard Nephew

**arsonist** : I’ll Take It

**knife cat** : CHENLEEEE !!!!!!!!!

**gaylor swift** : chenle you’re so Fucking valid ily

**chad** : we’re all so so proud of you chenle !! :)

**arsonist** : Thank You Dads ,,

**stringbean** : ME YOU

🤝

BOYS

**bastard** : Hyunjin Everyone In This Gc Likes Boysjshdhdhbd

**saturnz barz** : we’re proud of you chenle !! :)

**vancoolver** : Chenle we love you sm !!!

**pubby** : you’re still in the mlm club but now welcome to the Homo Sub Unit

**arsonist** : .

**arsonist** : Homo Sub Unit,

**stronk** : i just got out of class but im proud of you ! we love u

**vore** : wait same here but aaa!! we’re proud of you :D

**arsonist** : I Can And Will Die For Any One Of You

**arsonist** : except for jeno maybe he can take care of himself

**jenowo** : :)

**chad** : Please Do Not

**bastard** : Not If I Die For You First

**remjun** : You Will.

**sunshine** : THE ANSWERSJJSJDJDFJJF

**stronk** : The Only Three Responses To That Sentence

**arsonist** : ok sappy times over

**arsonist** : i was in a morning class and the guy next to me smiled at me and i felt like crying

**saturnz barz** : Me Too

**vore** : ME TOOCKF

**remjun** : pov i get ran the Fuck over but the guy behind the wheel was cute and so with my dying breath spitting out blood i say “did you just hit on me”

**knife cat** : RENJUDNFHFHDHD

**mr. worldwide** : RENJUN??????,?,,

**chad** : ARE YOU OK,,,,,,

**gaylor swift** : Me Too Renjun Me Too

**saturnz barz** : oh my god you sound like the dance instructor

**sunshine** : WAIT JISUNG

**sunshine** : DID HE ALSO TELL YOUR CLASS TH

**sunshine** : “The perfect meet cute is to get hit by a car and have the person ask if i’m ok and they drive me to the hospital and I Fall In Love With Them”

**saturnz barz** : YEAH

**saturnz barz** : taemin's fucking Wild

**sunshine** : YEAHSHDBBDBD

**gaylor swift** : Taemin’s still the dance instructor? I knew he started teaching when I was a senior but damn i might drop in and say hi !!

**sunshine** : ye! after you graduated we got another one and ngl i think they’re a Thing

**saturnz barz** : you see it too??

**stringbean** : i may not have the same class felix does but YEAH THEY HAVE TO BE A THING,,

**vore** : i witnessed one (1) class and i can confirm, taemin and 

**vore** : uhhhh im blanking out

**sunshine** : jimin ?

**vore** : YEAH HIM

**vore** : You Could Literally Sense It The Moment You Walk In There

**jenowo** : I Want What They Have .

**knife cat** : i am Literally cuddling you as we speak

**jenowo** : I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE .

**stringbean** : why can’t i just have a cute boy throw pebbles on my dorm room window and serenade me old bruno mars songs from 2010

**chad** : i think your roommates would Kill you if that happened 

**stringbean** : Maybe So

**mr. worldwide** : I’ll Serenade You King

**stringbean** : GASP

**stringbean** : BRO,,,

**mr. worldwide** : bro,,,

**knife cat** : didn’t you leave ur guitar back at ur parent’s place tho??

**mr. worldwide** : FUCK I DID

**mr. worldwide** : WAIT INHAVE A KAZOO

**stringbean** : WHSHHCCHHDBSJCHD

**remjun** : YOU ATILL HAVE THAT FUCKING KAZOO ?

**stronk** : donghyuck:I Like To SING DANCE PRE TEND AAAAAAND _KAAAAZZZZOOOOOOO_

**mr. worldwide** : FUCKCKDNFNCNDBFNFNFFN

  
  


[ ** _mr. worldwide_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_kazoo kid_** _!_ ] 

  
  


**kazoo kid** : YEAH

**vancoolver** : wait donghyuck i Literally have a guitar also

**kazoo kid** : OMG MARK ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING

**vancoolver** : HELL YEAH LETS GO

**kazoo kid** : LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

**pubby** : What Did I Just Witness

**bastard** : marty i’m Scared

  
  


-

  
  


**stringbean** : Update

**stringbean** : Both Mark And Donghyuck Somehow Found My Dorm And Did A Duet Of Just The Way You Are With Mark On Guitar And Donghyuck Doing The Vocal Parts On Kazoo

**remjun** : oh my fucking God

**vore** : ME @ GOD WHEN

**stringbean** : Now We, With My Roommates And Seungmin, Are Just Watching Naruto And Talking About Our Problems

**arsonist** : ahh the Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil update uhhh im moving into my apartment tomorrow ! yeehaw ! and im starting college soon so uhhh idk Whats gonna happen w updates or if it's gonna be the same or not but if the updates Slow Down a lil ,, yeah
> 
> i always try to write a few chapters ahead of updates Just In Case but Still. 
> 
> also im late to saying this but this stupid ol fic got over 100 kudos wtf thank yall sm !! ilysm


	12. rip to literally everyone in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw vee elle dee on the tl and i was like fuck i gotta upload this chapter
> 
> chad - chan  
> gaylor swift - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

**remjun** : im gonna fucking jump into a Ravine 

**gaylor swift** : i mean Same but

**gaylor swift** : *breakdances softly*

**gaylor swift** : What’s Wrong Stepson

**remjun** : STEPSON

**knife cat** : hhcnnfng what did donghyuck do today

**kazoo kid** : WHY DO YALL ALWAYS ASSUME I DID SMTH WHETHER RENJUN GETS MAD

**jenowo** : idk You Tell Us

**kazoo kid** : I DIDN’T DO SHIT

**remjun** : donghyuck you didnt do shit

**remjun** : fellas its an *breaks apple pencil with my bare fucking hands* Art Problem

**arsonist** : Renjun No Those Are Expensive As Hell

**stronk** : Renjun Yes, Fuck Capitalism!

**knife cat** : RENJUN N O

**remjun** : i accidentally did smth wrong in procreate and it did something Weird and now whenever i use color drop it has that white line around it and im gonna go Feral

**chad** : oh yikes :( sounds bad

**kazoo kid** : OOF

**vore** : wait im a stem student and don't speak art kid pls explain :((

**remjun** : uhhh paint bucket did a Bad and now its not doing its job and idk how to fix it

**vore** : yeah that sounds p bad ,,

**saturnz barz** : just look up how to fix it??

**saturnz barz** : we’re all children of the internet we should Know This

**remjun** : wow jisung. haven’t thought of that before. haven’t tried that until now. thank you jisung. you’re a lifesaver.

**saturnz barz** : .

**saturnz barz** : I Dont Think I Appreciate Your Tone

**chad** : you youngins all are too dependent on technology nowadays smh

**gaylor swift** : CHAN SHUT THE FUCK UP YOURE STILL YOUNG

**stronk** : YOURE LITERALLY ALMOST 23??????

**chad** : Back In My Day We Threw Rocks At Each Other To Assert Dominance Over Who Would Get To Stand On Top Of The Playground Slide Throughout All Of Recess 

**saturnz barz** : literally fuck the kids who would just stand near the area on top of the slide and never go down it

**arsonist** : back in my day we hissed like cats at each other and were part of clans

**saturnz barz** : _NO_

**stringbean** : OH MY GOD Y'ALL HAD WARRIOR CATS PHASES TOO??????

**bastard** : you absolute Fools. if you didn’t pretend to be a wolf during recess you’re Not Valid

**stringbean** : ok furry

**bastard** : no wait 

**vore** : furry

**pubby** : Furry

**stronk** : furry

**arsonist** : furry

**gaylor swift** : furry

**bastard** : WHY ARE WE STILL HERE JUST TO SUFFER

**remjun** : as much as i would Love to join in on the Clowning Other Jisung uhhhhh my procreate still did a Fucky Wucky and im Suffering

**pubby** : have you thought of trying to learn a new program?

**remjun** : if you’re suggesting stuff like sai or photoshop uhhhh i would rather Not Suffer Trying To Learn Those

**remjun** : also i never rlly learned how to use tablets w/o the lil screens . 

**remjun** : I Have To Look At Where The Pen Moves Or Else I’ll Die

**pubby** : nah i meant stuff for Your ipad. 

**sunshine** : i just got here, i’m sorry that happened to you dude :( i heard abt clip studio paint, what abt that one?

**remjun** : i’ve heard the horror storries about csp and how people are still finding out new stuff abt it 5 years after using it . 

**remjun** : thank you guys actually for your concerns and suggestions and i’ll absolutely take them into consideration for the future

**remjun** : but for right now i would rather Die than to learn another complicated art program

**vancoolver** : johnny, the masters degree holder in the art and humanities department, looking over my shoulder and reading this entire conversation: oh fucking Worm

**stronk** : hnghfhgngnfnf

**vancoolver** : im gonna hand over my phone to him real quick for you ! he says he can help :)

**sunshine** : HANDSOME GYM MAN’S COMING BACK??,?,?,?

**stronk** : H

**vore** : ä

**remjun** : John Sir Please For The Love Of God Help Me Before I Start Fucking Crying

**vancoolver** : yeah dude that’s sucks :/ i had that happen before and what i just did was delete the app and redownload it. it’s time consuming but it Works

**remjun** : ok yeah that makes a bit of sense

**remjun** : thank you good sir i owe you my Life

**vancoolver** : yw :) 

**vancoolver** : mark’s back B)

**remjun** : alright im off to Do That. jeno’s also in here and hes gonna update me on the chat brb whores

**gaylor swift** : omg we’re on whore status This Chat’s Close Close Huh

**arsonist** : THE DREAM

**jenowo** : this means we can shit talk renjun in this chat and he’ll never know >:)

**jenowo** : i’ll go first: he’s actually so adorable irl 

**knife cat** : RIGHT like whenever he goes :] i could Cry

**saturnz barz** : me, @ renjun: you. get in the pocket.

**arsonist** : POCKET SIZED RENJUN,,,,,,

**kazoo kid** : and his laugh,, Good Bye 

**vancoolver** : renjun while texting: ok thots if anyone goes near me i’ll body slam you into next month

renjun irl: hey guys i drew all of us as the teen titans :), im starfire and mark is robin n chenle is beast boy and-

**sunshine** : NOOOOOOO THATS SO CUTE

**knife cat** : just wait until he’s comfortable enough in the gc to send us all reddit posts and deep fried memes

**kazoo kid** : he’ll send us stuff when we’re all together and be like :D and even if we don’t get it we still laugh because he’s Adorable

**saturnz barz** : renjun when he gets back on the gc: i’ll k*ll you

renjun looking up from his phone at us after reading through the chat: :]

**stringbean** : AWWWW

**sunshine** : STOP ILL CRY

**stronk** : @ renjun when he comes back i would d word for u

**gaylor swift** : uncensor it coward

**stronk** : D Word

**kazoo kid** : d*ck

**stronk** : _NO_

**knife cat** : N O

**sunshine** : hey it could say duck!! u never know !!

**pubby** : you hush your mouth felix you swear more than anyone else here

**sunshine** : shh The Kids Dont Need To Know That

**pubby** : WHAT KIDS

**sunshine** : jeongin

**sunshine** : chenle

**sunshine** : both jisungs

**sunshine** : chan

**pubby** : ok yeah

**chad** : WHY ME

**sunshine** : the last time i said fuck in your apartment you called my mom to tell her i was hanging out with “bad influences”

**sunshine** : when 1) you did this all the time during my freshman year when i would just say shit like “hell” or “damn”

**sunshine** : and 2) You Yourself Are The Bad Influence

**pubby** : o damn

**knife cat** : go off sunshine boy

**stronk** : chad found dead in miami

**jenowo** : oh so we’re back in 2016 tumblr now

**stronk** : ABSOLUTELY NOT

**vore** : former superwholocks wya

**stringbean** : JEONGIN SHUT UP YOU WERE NEVER A SUPERWHOLOCK

**vore** : ur right i just wanted to lure you out

**vore** : former superwholock

**stringbean** : WAIT NO

**gaylor swift** : jeongin was a homestuckie

**vore** : *softly* why stepfather

**pubby** : It Gets The Best Of Us

**jenowo** : unfortunately,

**vancoolver** : [insert history of japan quote]

**gaylor swift** : YEAHHHHHH

**gaylor swift** : vocaloid was and still is My Shit don’t @ me

**sunshine** : We Know And Same

**jenowo** : renjun from across the dorm: MARK USED TO LISTEN TO HETALOID

**chad** : _HETALOID ?_

**vancoolver** : I Plead The Fifth

**kazoo kid** : MARK YOURE CANADIANHJXJHGFJDHGKJ

**gaylor swift** : middle school me didn’t go to therapy we listened to the romano version of self inflicted achromatic on loop and thats It

**bastard** : MINHO

**vancoolver** : SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

**sunshine** : FUCKJDFHFHDSK

**arsonist** : TOKYO GHOUL STANS WYA

**stronk** : OH FUCK THATS ME

**bastard** : SHITDGHSGJH

**jenowo** : i think if renjun hears another past shitty fanbase he’s gonna punch a hole in the drywall

**kazoo kid** : QUICK WE NEED TO THINK OF THE WORST ONE

**knife cat** : WORSE THAN HOMESTUCK AND HETALIA ???? REALLY??????

**bastard** : something that will make everyone on 2016-2020 tumblr, twitter, ig, and hot topics everywhere get a Chill Down Their Spine

**saturnz barz** : vee elle dee

**sunshine** : FUCK

**arsonist** : JISUNG SHUT THE FUCK UP

**kazoo kid** : H

**vore** : OH GOD _OH FUCK_

**chad** : THATS IT I GOTTA GO I GOTTA LEAVE

**pubby** : FUCK ,,

**stronk** : YOU KNOW WHAT .

**bastard** : HNNGCGCHCHHCHCHDGHCG

**stringbean** : NOOOOOOOOOOOO

**jenowo** : no,,,, Not Again,,,,,,

**vancooler** : Lance Deserved So Much Better

**sunshine** : GOD I MISS HIM EVERY DAY

**stronk** : i miss allura.

**stringbean** : YEAH,,,

**chad** : YEAH .

**saturnz barz** : former kl*ncers wya

**bastard** : NOOOOOO

**sunshine** : HHHCHCHCHBNDHFHC

**vore** : In Hell

**knife cat** : hehe i quit watching it after s3 B)

**knife cat** : but from what i’ve heard fuck vld seasons 7-8 this entire gc hates vld seasons 7-8

**kazoo kid** : everytime seungkwan’s friend chan posts red n blue hearts on twt i get two years worth of flashbacks

**sunshine** : me, looking at my red and blue ballpoint pens: ah What Could’ve Been

**jenowo** : i read jisung’s vee elle dee to renjun and he stopped what he was doing and is just staring vastly at the wall

**gaylor swift** : every day i get So Happy that i never watched voltron

**kazoo kid** : neither has ur bf i guess ur Both Lucky Bastards

**gaylor swift** : He’s Not My Boyfriend

**gaylor swift** : omg wait

**gaylor swift** : this gives me an idea

**kazoo kid** : if it’s exactly what i think it is 1) tell him to send screenshots 2) i know exactly what you should say

  
  


-

  
  


[Group Chat: **_12 struggling to function adults and their sexy college friend chan_** ]

  
  


**im walkin ova heah** : fellas i got a message from minho

**falcetto man** : OH??

**mingyuwu** : :0 !!

**loki** : ooooooo

**₩oo** : what’d your boyfriend say

**im walkin ova heah** : hes not,

**im walkin ova heah** : he told me to ask you guys what kick meant?

**the actual baby** : wh

**the actual baby** : Oh .

**beyonce’s oldest child** : FUKCKCKJJDJD

**₩oo** : it was time for me to leave for i have seen Enough

**junh oui** : no one No One Answer That

**dance fucker dance** : i wish i was jared, 19

**jihuwun** : i wish i was toph, 12

**god** : KLANCE IS CANNON KING

**gay and tired** : NO

**falcetto man** : SOONYOUNG NODJHDJKDHDDK

**loki** : soonyoung .

**junh oui** : i wish i were shiro, end of s2

**im walkin ova heah** : wh

**junh oui** : Presumed Dead

**gay and tired** : Me Too

**shua** : i’m so happy i stopped watching after s2

**the actual baby** : how does it feel living your life In Peace

**shua** : fuck if i know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey !! if this update has any errors i forgot to fix i’m Sorry but i have math hw due soon so rip ://
> 
> also ex voltronnies i’m so sorry but at the same time i’m rlly not


	13. there's no joke title for this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‼️TW // mentions of transphobia, misuse of binder, dysphoria ‼️
> 
> i cried three separate times while writing this
> 
> chad - chan  
> gaylor swift - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

**kazoo kid** : GOOD MORNINGGGGG

**kazoo kid** : IT’S A WONDERFUL DAYYYY

**chad** : ?? good morning to you too donghyuck :)

**kazoo kid** : THE SUN IS SHININGGG

**kazoo kid** : THE BEES ARE BUZZINGGGG

**vancoolver** : donghyuck did your 8 am get canceled

**kazoo kid** : MY 8 AM GOT CANCELEDDDDD 

**kazoo kid** : WHICH MEANS IM FREE FOR THE DAYYYY

**bastard** : YOOOOO

**chad** : NICE

**kazoo kid** : YEAHHHHHHH

**kazoo kid** : wait .

**kazoo kid** : this means i have nothing to do today .

**kazoo kid** : what the Fuck do i do

**vancoolver** : i think everyone else’s asleep dude. there’s not much you can do at 7:30 am :/

**kazoo kid** : FUCK.

**bastard** : rip ://

**kazoo kid** : fuckin uhhhhhh

**kazoo kid:** WAIT

**kazoo kid** : im gonna go bother jisung in his dorm. he doesnt have classes until 12 and he owes me 20 bucks

**vancoolver** : why?? does jisung owe you money??

**kazoo kid** : bet

**kazoo kid** : Dont Question What It Was

**vancoolver** : i

**vancoolver** : ok??

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Private Chat:_ **_Get Some Rest, Tall Child!_** ]

  
  


**hyuckie** : yo jisunggg

**hyuckie** : you owe me some Cash Money my guy

**hyuckie** : jisung

**hyuckie** : j i s u n g

**hyuckie** : JISUNG .

**hyuckie** : JISUNG ,, JISUNG BLS

**hyuckie** : _JIIIIIIISUUUUUUUUUUNG_

**hyuckie** : im just gonna assume ur asleep because i know you dont have any classes rn >://

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Private Chat:_ **_Jisung’s Roommate_** ]

  
  


**yedam** : hi donghyuck! i have a Question

**donghyuck** : OH THANK GOD YEDAM I WAS ABOUT TO MESSAGE YOU ANYWAY

**yedam** : :00

**yedam** : is jisung with you rn? or with one of his friends?

**donghyuck** ]: no,, i was gonna ask if you knew where he went

**donghyuck** : you don’t know either?

**yedam** : he went to the one of the arts n humanities buildings to rent out one of the dance studios for the night and he didn’t come home last night :(

**donghyuck** : fuck.

**yedam** : i volunteer at the student services building from 9-12 but either i or one of my friends who also works there can let you know if anything happens?

**yedam** : it’ll most likely be junkyu though

**donghyuck** : yeah please let me know. thank you so much

**yedam** : yw

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat_ : **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

  
  


**kazoo kid** : guys have any of you seen jisung at all today?

**kazoo kid** : yedam told me he never returned to the dorm last night.

**chad** : oh fuck

**sunshine** : oh no..

**stronk** : i don’t think i saw him in the cafeteria when i went in there earlier? 

**vore** : neither did i

**remjun** : wherever he is, he’s not in the library. jeno and i spent most of the morning here and i think we would’ve known if he was here or not.

**knife cat** : he’s gotta be around here somewhere,

**pubby** : i haven’t seen him around campus either.

**bastard** : same here.

**kazoo kid** : chenle, mark, is he at either of your dorms?

**kazoo kid** : or apartment in mark’s case?

**vancoolver** : no :(

**arsonist** : i haven’t even heard from him since last night..

**stringbean** : wait i saw him last night in one of the practice rooms

**stringbean** : i was just leaving because i think we have some big thing to prepare for, i honestly forgot

**stringbean** : he must’ve rented out one of the rooms for that.

**kazoo kid** : you think he’s still in there?

**stringbean** : i mean, maybe?

**sunshine** : it’s not uncommon for a student to accidently stay there all night,,

**sunshine** : i would go check, but i’m about to go to class :(

**stringbean** : my next class is at 10 i can go check but i gotta make it quick

**kazoo kid** : haven’t gotten a word from the student center so far,

**kazoo kid** : wait holy fuck

**gaylor swift** : did they get a hold of you?

**kazoo kid** : yeah hold on

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Unknown User:_ **_Kim Junkyu_** ]

  
  


**Kim Junkyu** : is this lee donghyuck?

  
  


[ ** _Accept_** ] [Decline]

  
  


**Lee Donghyuck** : yes it is. is jisung ok?

**Kim Jungkyu** : one of his classmates brought him into the student wellness center a few minutes ago. neither i or yedam know what happened yet but yeojin said that he was passed out on the floor when she found him.

**Lee Donghyuck** : oh my god..

**Lee Donghyuck** : i’ll be right there. thank you.

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat_ : **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

  
  


**kazoo kid** : he’s at the wellness center. he passed out but they don’t know why yet.

**kazoo kid** : I’ll keep you all updated.

**arsonist** : oh no,,

**chad** : please let us know if he’s ok

**stronk** : fuck..

**sunshine** : oh no :((

**knife cat** : i’m coming with you.

**arsonist** : so am i

**jenowo** : me too

**remjun** : i would if i didn’t have a lab today but please update us.

  
  


-

  
  


**kazoo kid** : so here’s everything that happened

**kazoo kid** : when his classmate found him, he had passed out from exhaustion but also because he was practicing with his binder on. 

**bastard** : oh ,

**sunshine** : oh no..

**arsonist** : i Told him to change out of it yesterday because it had been 8 hours but i dont think he ever did…

**sunshine** : and what time was that?

**arsonist** : 6pm? i think?

**sunshine** : oh fuck that had to be on for about a full day,,

**kazoo kid** : and he left his phone at his dorm so thats why he wasnt getting my messages.

**remjun** : im out of class im on my way there.

**sunshine** : i’ve got plenty of baggy shirts and hoodies if he needs one. he doesn’t need a sports bra, that would make his ribs hurt even more.

**vancoolver** : his dorm’s all the way across campus from the student center isn’t it?

**kazoo kid** : yeah.

**vancoolver** : whenever he gets well enough to leave, let me know so i can drive him over there.

**vore** : i think he lives in my building so i can help him to his room.

**sunshine** : heading there as we speak

**stringbean** : already emailed taemin about what happened.

**kazoo kid:** one of the nurses said he could go back to the dorms but he’s sleeping still.

**vancoolver** : don’t move i’ll be right there

**pubby** : let us know whenever he was up.

**kazoo kid** : of course, yeah

  
  


-

  
  


**saturnz barz:** uh

**saturnz barz** : ok so

**sunshine** : JISUNG

**stringbean** : JISUGNGH

**bastard** : J ISUNG

**chad** : jisung!!

**gaylor swift** : you ok? :(

**pubby** : how’re you holding up?

**saturnz barz** : i’ve definitely been better at 1 o'clock in the afternoon

**saturnz barz** : and before you guys yell at me (especially you felix)

**saturnz barz** : i know what i did was really dumb, but let me explain.

**saturnz barz** : lately the looks my classmates were giving me and the comments i'd hear them say whenever i would change out of my binder for practice were getting to me. like they thought i was weird or some kind of anomaly. 

**saturnz barz** : and i would look in the mirror and just hate what i saw and hate whatever dance i was doing because my chest wasn't flat. and that's been messing with me ever since school started.

**saturnz barz** : so i just. went to go practice so i can get down the assignment right but i thought that leaving the binder on would not only make me like the dance better, but would make me like Me better. my ribs were hurting like hell but at the time just seeing that my chest was flat was all that mattered.

**saturnz barz** : and i just want a day where i can do the thing i love without being reminded of how much i hate my body. 

**chad** : jisung…

**sunshine** : i’m heading back to your dorm hold on

**chad** : i can’t give you any advice on this because i’m cis and all i really know about it is from felix, and frankly i’ll never know what you and him are going through and will go through

**chad** : but i know that you don’t deserve to feel like that

**sunshine** : i also felt like that my freshman year. i had just started t then along with my first binder, which i wanted to keep on all the time.

**sunshine** : and during dance and during practice, the place i was supposed to feel my happiest, i felt my worst because i couldn’t wear it.

**sunshine** : but i did at first. and i actually had to go to the hospital because of it.

**stringbean** : yeah i remembered that. the whole thing scared chan half to death.

**sunshine** : it’s also the reason why taemin has such a strict rule about wearing binders during class. and he told us about his own experiences.

**saturnz barz** : wait.. taemin’s trans?

**sunshine** : yup. the day i got back he spent half the class showing us videos of him doing choreos pre transition, during transition, and even his recovery videos from when he got top surgery back when he was in college.

**sunshine** : he talked to us about how important it was to take care of ourselves, not just while dancing. if anyone knows what you’re going through right now, it’s him. 

**sunshine** : you know you can talk to any of us about this. we’re always gonna be here for you. even if some of us aren’t going to know what you go through, we’ll still be here to listen to you. 

**chad** : yeah, exactly that. most of us here aren’t going to be able to relate to your struggles because we’re not trans, but we’ll always be here for you no matter what.

**sunshine** : i’m at your dorm btw pls lemme in. i made cookies earlier today and brought some. :)

**bastard** : please tell other jisung that we love him sm

**bastard** : and if he’s still here we love you so much

**stronk** : you’re such a strong person, jisung. we love you.

**vore** : you’re so incredibly loved and you don’t deserve to go through all this

**gaylor swift** : we’ll always be here for you.

**stringbean** : <3

**remjun** : thought this was cute so i’m dropping this here but jisung saw felix come in and immediately started crying and now they’re both crying, talking it out, and cuddling.

**remjun** : i know he can talk to any of us whenever he needs to, but i think he can rely on felix the most

**chad** : i can tell that felix has gotten happier about being friends with someone who’s like him. they both have already helped each other in so many ways.

**chad** : they’re a good support system for each other.

**remjun** : they really are.

**remjun** : he says thank you all by the way. he really appreciates it that you all care.

**stronk** : of course we care, he’s our friend.

**bastard** : we care about him So Much

**chad** : aww jisung !!

**pubby** : <3

**vore** : <333

**gaylor swift** : once again, we don’t know the kind of stuff he faces, but we’ll be there for him.

**stringbean** : indefinitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll probably be posting a short oneshot that goes along with this chapter at some point either on friday or this weekend. i honestly don't even know if i will it or not because i'm so scared to post it. if i do the link will be edited onto here.
> 
> also, update: jisung was no longer a tøp emo because fuck tøp he was a fob emo i'm changing that right now


	14. seungmin pls just pick a movie and /run/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place a Single Day after chapter 13 btw we're back to being funny again
> 
> chad - chan  
> gaylor swift - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> saturnz barz - (park) jisung

**saturnz barz** : yknow i usually Like doing nothing on saturdays

**saturnz barz** : however i cannot Move

**knife cat** : jisung :((

**bastard** : ah dude i’m sorry

**saturnz barz** : whxhhd it’s ok to joke about it guys

**saturnz barz** : we got emotional yesterday but No Time For Sad Stuff Today

**kazoo kid** : f in the chat

**saturnz barz** : That’s The Spirit

**saturnz barz** : wait

**jenowo** : alright stop

**chad** : collaborate And listen?

**sunshine** : ICE IS BACK WITH A BRAND NEW ADDICTION?

**saturnz barz** : immxjdjfjfjf

**saturnz barz** : it Does feel like i’m forgetting smth tho

**jenowo** : uhhhh idk man whats ur schedule

**saturnz barz** : jeno

**saturnz barz** : it’s Saturday

**saturnz barz** : I Have No Classes On Saturday

**saturnz barz** : No One Does

**jenowo** : keep having an attitude with me and youre gonna have more possibly broken bones

**knife cat** : JENO??????????

**remjun** : Holy FUCK Dude

**gaylor swift** : WH

**stronk** : WE-

**pubby** : I-

**saturnz barz** : before anyone asks it’s ok he dmed me saying if it was ok to say that

**sunshine** : minho dont WH the gc we all know you say that to me all the time

**gaylor swift** : Yeah

**saturnz barz** : also thank you for making me wheeze so technically yes you broke more of my bones

**kazoo kid** : FUCKXKDNNFNC

**jenowo** : RIP,,,

**remjun** : wait i have one better Can I Say It

**saturnz barz** : lmao sure go ahead

**remjun** : jeno: dont look at me in that tone of voice or ill snap your ribs in half like a pair of twix

**gaylor swift**. GOD

**stronk** : MY GODDJDJ

**sunshine** : FUCKKCJDNFJ

**kazoo kid** : RENJUN STOP IM GONNA PASS OUT

**arsonist** : RENJU N

**bastard** : WHSHHXJDHD

**chad** : I SAID THAT EXACT THING TO FELIX ONCE HE GOT SO MADNCJDN

**saturnz barz** : FUCK

  
  


[ ** _saturnz barz_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_twix_** _!_ ]

  
  


**twix** : It’s Who I Am

**vancoolver** : what the Fuck did i just come back to

**bastard** : Something Great

**knife cat** : so uh

**knife cat** : i sent taeyong the things jeno and renjun sent and was like “lmao do you make jokes like this too” and he was so confused

**knife cat** : and i was like “because?? his ribs got all messed up??” and he was just like “ w hat”

**knife cat** : jisung did you ever

**twix** : .

**twix** : Holy Fuck I Forgot To Call Taeyong

**knife cat** : JISUNG.

**kazoo kid** : IMGMMGMFNCNFNFNFNF

**arsonist**. FUCKKKKK

**bastard** : Dilf Brothers Gonna Get Pissed , 

**twix** : S TOP CALLING HIM A DILF

**twix** : but I gotta Call Him Before He Calls Me

**twix** : can one of yall come over here for moral support

**arsonist** : ON MY WAY

**sunshine** : I WILL

**knife cat** : COMING MY BABY

**bastard** : ON IT

**stronk** : me and felix just NYOOMED out of the cafeteria

**vore** : hehe i got here first because i’m in the same building >:3c

**stringbean** : MAN FUCK YOU

**pubby** : i’m at the library as we speak so it’ll be a while

**pubby** : should i rent out some movies while i’m here?

**bastard** : MOVIE NIGHT AT JISUNGS DORM?

**stringbean** : OH ? 

**twix** : we can movie night After i get my ass handed to me over the phone

**twix** : also seungmin get the Best disney movie

**pubby** : meet the robinsons it is

**twix** : no its

**twix** : wait wait that Is the best disney movie

**bastard** : this is a goofy movie erasure 

**sunshine** : A Whole Princess And The Frog Exists

**stronk** : MULAN?? HELLO??? 

**stronk** : WITH BISEXUAL KING LI SHANG????

**twix** : not to ruin the argument but uhh

**twix** : can’t call taeyong rn

**twix** : Because He Just Texted Me

**twix** : and most of you are already in my dorm . Ok

  
  


-

  
  
  


[ _Private Chat:_ **_*softly but with feeling* bro_** ] 

  
  


**yongie** : so were you going to tell me your ribs got messed up or was i just supposed to find out through jaemin by accident

**jiji** : i can explain

**jiji** : please don’t get mad

**yongie** : i can never be mad at you, sungie

**yongie** : but please for the Love Of God tell me immediately if anything bad happens. i worry a lot, you know.

**yongie** : so what exactly happened

**jiji** : can i call you?

**yongie** : of course

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat:_ **_sHaWtYs LiKe A mElOdY iN mY hEaD_** ]

  
  


**pubby** : and thus the chat went quiet . 

**pubby** : is everything ok there? i know jisung’s calking his brother right now

**vore** : everything’s ok :D 

**vore** : he Is driving up here soon tho apparently !! we get to see him again !!

**pubby** : .

**vore** : ?

**vore** : Oh Fuck We Get To See Him Again

**vore** : SEUNGMIN HE’S GONNA REMEMBER ME AS THE WEIRD EDGY KID FROM THE COFFEE SHOP FUCK

**pubby** : Jeongin, Breathe

**pubby** : he probably doesn't even remember us

**vore** : WHY IS THAT SOMEHOW WORSE

**pubby** : WH

**knife cat** : update: he’s currently just fucking Vibrating in the corner

**pubby** : i am Looking Away

**pubby** : I Don't Know Him

**knife cat** : jisung: he’s asking to be put on speaker

jeongin, still in the corner: mouthes DO NOT

jisung: I’m Putting Him On Speaker

**pubby** : GOD RIP

**pubby** : oh yeah i’m still in the movie section are we still having a movie night

**stringbean** : chan can’t make it because he’s a Coward

**chad** : I’m Not A Coward I Just Have Work To Do

**pubby** : hyunjin you've been typing for two minutes straight now You Good ?

**stringbean** : ~ Oh Look At Me I’m Chris I Work On My Music From Home And Run Off Of Pure Adrenaline Alone Since I Don’t Drink Coffee Because I’m A Coward ~

**stringbean** : ~ I Also Give Lots Of Love To My Friends And Am A Great Support System Yet I Still Refuse To Take Compliments Even Though I’m Extremely Handsome And Good Looking ~ fuck u 

  
**pubby** : god.

**chad** : . 

**chad** : i

**chad** : thank you ?

**chad** : also we already established that i could just join in via zoom

**chad** : you sent me that privately yourself

**chad** : but wanted to seem funny to the chat so you thought you could expose me to the chat for being the coward when really

**chad** : The Tables Have Turned.

**chad** : Coward.

**pubby** : IM-

**stringbean** : H

**knife cat** : BOOM GOT EM

**bastard** : YO WHAT THE FUCK DID I MISS??????

**stringbean** : the reason i can never show my face again

**chad** : love you hyunjin!!

**jenowo** : jisung wheezed and then winced because it hurt

**chad** : NOOOO TELL HIM I’M SORRY

**pubby** : You Guys I’m Still In The Movie Aisle

**pubby** : I Have Been For 15 Minutes Now

**pubby** : The Librarian’s Looking At Me With A Death Glare

**pubby** : Pick A Fucking Movie Please

**kazoo kid** : is it alrighty w you that we ask taeyong because he’s also coming

**pubby** : Please

**vancoolver** : he said lilo and stitch!

**pubby** : Oh HELL Yes

**chad** : YESSSS

**vancoolver** : i’m running by the gas station to get snacks what do yall want

**stringbean** : fuck that go to mcdonalds and order like . 100 nuggets

**vancoolver** : 100 ???

**stringbean** : Did I Stutter

**remjun** : wait how many of us’ll be here

**remjun** : you know what mark nvm just get a shit ton of drinks we’re all pitching in and getting 1600 nugs

**vancoolver** : guys what the FUCK

**knife cat** : you do realize that that’s 10 nuggets per person + yedam and taeyong right

**knife cat** : but jisung’s getting 20 nugs because He Deserves It

**vancoolver** : 

  
**vancoolver** : you know what that’s fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while i'm here happy bday to jisung as well as happy belated birthday to felix and seungmin 🥺


	15. nickelodeon make this fic a sitcom you cowards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NO BETA READING WE DIE LIKE MEN (also i zoned out while writing it so that's why it Literally goes All Over The Place. I Apologize In Advance.)
> 
> chad - chan  
> gaylor swift - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> twix - (park) jisung

[ _Private Chat:_ **_and they were Roommates_** ]

  
  


**yedam** : how’re you feeling ?

**jisung** : online classes Suck but i can manage well

**jisung** : i can sit up by myself now which is Good

**yedam** : that’s good because uhhhh

**yedam** : how would you feel about having a third roommate 

**jisung** : a What

**jisung** : yedam we only have Two Beds

**jisung** : and i’m p sure no one wants to share a bed w Me, Mr. McBrokenRibs

**yedam** : no i mean likenend

**yedam** : hold on

**yedam** : [Himb.png] 

**jisung** : oh

**jisung** : my god

**yedam** : he was behind the science building completely soaked with no collar :( i think he was abandoned

**jisung** : are you still out there ??

**yedam** : . Maybe

**jisung** : in the RAIN ?

**yedam** : WTF ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

**yedam** : BRING IT INTO ONE OF THE BUILDINGS

**yedam** : WHICH ARE ALL need i remind you NO ANIMALS ALLOWED

**jisung** : YOUR ENTIRE PLAN IS TO SNEAK HIM INTO A BUILDING WITH THAT /EXACT/ RULE WHAT KIND OF HYPOCRISY

**yedam** : ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME ILLEGALLY RAISE HIM OR NOT

**jisung** : .

**jisung** : i mean i’ve always wanted to have one,,

**jisung** : bring him in

**yedam** : :D

**jisung** : good luck getting past the staff tho

**yedam** : gotcha

  
  


[ _Group Chat_ **_: Chan, Minho, and their Dumbass Kids_** ]

  
  


**chad** : alright which one of you changed it

**pubby** : how dare you assume i’m one of the dumbass kids

**stronk** : ok mr The Sun Is Currently On Fire

**pubby** : hey changmin

**pubby** : shut the fuck up challenge :)

**stronk** : failed ! Have A Nice Day

**gaylor swift** : i personally like it since it insinuates that I Am Not A Dumbass

**twix** : whats up gamers

**remjun** : oh Someone’s in a good mood this tuesday morning

**twix** : :) 

**pubby** : i don’t know if that means hes genuinely happy of that hes about to Kill Someone

**jenowo** : he’s happy !! what happened my boy !! 

**pubby** : OH well thats good ! 

**twix** : i have a Riddle for the chat

**kazoo kid** : well good morning to yall too

**vancoolver** : jisung you don’t rlly tell riddles Whats Going On

**knife cat** : marty im Scared

**twix** : ok so

**twix** : what do me and chen exo have in common 

**pubby** : .

**jenowo** : . 

**vancoolver** : .

**stronk** : . 

**kazoo kid** : we-

**knife cat** : oh my god did you get fucking married ,

**knife cat** : My Son Is Growing Up Too Fast ,,,

**twix** : nope !

**twix** : [HIMB.png] 

**twix** : I’m A Father

**jenowo** : WH

**chad** : OH MY GODDD

**knife cat** : AAAAAAAAAAAA

**vancoolver** : OH MY GOD?????

**stronk** : BABIE,,,,,,,,

**pubby** : AWWW

**remjun** : WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A CAT

**gaylor swift** : I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

**sunshine** : i just got out of class what goes on

**sunshine** : OOOOOOOOO 

**sunshine** : BABIEEEE

**arsonist** : WHERE DID YOU GET HIM

**twix** : yedam found him when he was walking out of class and he was cold and it was storming and he had no collar so

**twix** : Here He Is

**remjun** : HOW WAS HE EVEN ALLOWED IN THE DORM

**twix** : good question ! He’s Not

**twix** : yedam’s friend jaehyuk was also there and started talking to the staff so they wouldn’t see him

**vore** : and thus i am Awake what did i miss

**vore** : OH

**vore** : JISUNG I HAVE NO CLASSES UNTIL 1

**vore** : CAN I COME VISIT

**twix** : ye doors open

**vore** : OH MY GOD IM RUNNIN

**stringbean** : IM LITERALLY RUNNING FROM THE LIBRARY RN ILL BE THERE IN LIKE 5 MINUTES

**sunshine** : jisungs class doesnt end for like another 30 minutes which is gonna Suck For Him

**kazoo kid** : JISUNG WHATS HIS NAME

**twix** : oh

**twix** : fucken

**twix** : uhhhhhh

**sunshine** : NAME HIM BABIE

**twix** : There Can Only Be One

**twix** : yedam just looked at a cheezits box from across the room and said “what about cheese since it’s orange”

**twix** : His Name Is Cheese

**twix** : But I’m Gonna Call Him Chee

**gaylor swift** : CHEESEEEE

**sunshine** : CHEECHEECHEECHEE BABY BABY

**twix** : also hyunjin got here and immediately started crying

**stringbean** : HE’S SO

**stringbean** : TEENY,,,

**stringbean** : I LOVE HIM

**vore** : STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC YOURE SCARING HIM

**stringbean** : FUCK YOU

**chad** : STOP FIGHTING AROUND THE BABY

**stringbean** : WHICH ONE

**chad** : ALL OF THEM.

**chad** : CHEESE

**chad** : JISUNG

**chad** : _AND_ JEONGIN

**sunshine** : damn he pulled out the Dad voice

**pubby** : haven't heard that voice since the last time we disappointed him !

**chad** : i

**chad** : when have you guys ever disappointed me?

**chad** : why are several of you guys typing

**sunshine** : when jisung tried to do that One Vine of the girl walking away with the beginning of Let It Go by James Bay and it cuts to the dad looking like he regretted his life choices But The Dad Was You

**stronk** : when it went dead quiet for a solid minute last week and jisung suddenly went “and so i said, thats not a camel, thats my wife !” and you left the room

**pubby** : when jisung tried to make one of those pasta packets and left the water/milk mix to boil and it foamed up and boiled over

**vore** : when jisung got you coffee but forgot that you didnt drink coffee and since he got a large Straight Up Black Burning Hot Coffee he didnt wanna waste it so he chugged the entire thing and cried Even Though You Told Him It Was Ok For Him To Throw It Out

**gaylor swift** : when jisung beat your ass in super smash bros and 3 other cpus on level 9 on a small as hell stage and by using YOSHI of all characters

**gaylor swift** : come to think of it i think you were more disappointed in yourself

**stringbean** : when jisung. 

**bastard** : when i. 

**chad** : .

**chad** : jisung i am So Sorry

**bastard** : eh ur good hcbfnfh

**remjun** : what fucking kdrama is this

**gaylor swift** : where’s lee minho where you need him

**gaylor swift** : wait. 

**jenowo** : oh my god. 

**gaylor swift** : No One Fucking Look At Me

**pubby** : 👁 👁

**sunshine** : 👁👄👁

**gaylor swift** : thanks ! I Fucking Hate It

  
  


[ _User_ **_gaylor swift_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_the real lee minho_** _!_ ]

  
  


**the real lee minho** : unnecessarily long but I Like It

**stronk** : she is very gorgeous to me !!!

**the real lee minho** : god What A Mood

**bastard** : i have to let you guys know that chan keeps hugging me and is in fact Crying

**stronk** : are you guys producing,, at chans apartment,, Without Me,,,

**bastard** : dont you have class in 30 minutes

**stronk** : .

**stronk** : fuck youre RIGHT

**bastard** : like I Love Him but like bro,,

**bastard** : It’s Ok Bro,,,

**the real lee minho** : stop brozoning him we all know you call him baby

**bastard** : bro stop exposing me ur scaring the hoes

**remjun** : The What

**knife cat** : excuse u i am No One’s Ho But My Garden’s

**vancoolver** : jaemin,, in what world does that make sense

**knife cat** : idk it sounded funnier in my head

**arsonist** : wow jaemin just learn how to be funnier

**knife cat:** hey! how about u shut up! :)

**arsonist** : how much are you willing to pay me ?

**knife cat** : WOW ,

**jenowo** : first of all . shut up chenle youre rich as fuck

**jenowo** : second of all . no one in this chat’s a ho

**jenowo** : a w(ho)le Idiot maybe

**jenowo** : third of all . are we just gonna ignore the fact that jisung calls chan baby

**sunshine** : lmao he calls everyone baby

**bastard** : He Keeps Apologizing like,, Dude I Know Everyone Was Joking And Everyone Clowns Me But I Know You Guys Love Me A Lot And So Do You,, like

**bastard** : Like I Know Youre Not Actually Disappointed In Me,, You Take Your Role As Team Dad Too Seriously,, Pls Take A Nap

**chad** : hess also cryifng

**bastard** : IM SENSSITIVE AUDBRWY

**twix** : i leave for twenty minutes and a whole kdrama episode happens in the chat . this shit’s not something premium viki can offer

**twix** : also do you two?? wanna visit cheese?? you seem Sad

**chad** : CAN WE

**bastard** : LLETSS FUCKCING GOOOOOOOO

**arsonist** : the Rollercoaster of Emotions that just played out . 

**arsonist** : its like one of Those comedy series that has like . serious topics covered once in a while but hey ! there’s Still a laugh track there ! 

**sunshine** : Like iCarly

**arsonist** : like icarly,,,

**jenowo** : or like hear me out

**jenowo** : a book

**remjun** : jeno who tf would pick up a book about 15 dumbasses misspelling words and crying a lot

**arsonist** : ME????

**arsonist** : LIKE COULD YOU IMAGINE

**vancoolver** : *dan avidan voice* ~ _could you imagine_ ~

**chad** : ISS THAT FUCJING NSP

**kazoo kid** : it’s that one screencap from the office but it’s me going SHUT UP ABOUT NSP SHUT UP ABOUT NSP

**kazoo kid** : mark i’m joking you and ur interests are valid

**vancoolver** : ily hyuck

**kazoo kid** : hm Gross !

**kazoo kid** : [nickelodeon laugh track starts playing]  
  


 **vancoolver** : nvm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stayzens it's been a crazy few weeks for us but how tf ARE WE


	16. jeongin is just vibing man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw // needles/shots ! they talk a bit about it in the beginning but not for long
> 
> also im posting it w/o much editing rip
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> bastard - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> jenowo - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> twix - (park) jisung

**vore** : i walk into the jisung and yedam residence ready to fuckin Rumble w my new best friend

**bastard** : my title . my fucking BRAND .

**bastard** : stolen by a CAT

**vore** : cheese is my best friend

**bastard** : what about us ,

**bastard** : what about everything we’ve been through,,

**stronk** : jisung weren’t you troy in your high school production of high school musical

**bastard** : GASP

**bastard** : I WAS !

**vore** : Gross, A Theater Kid

**kazoo kid** : gross a theater kid

**vore** : :0

**kazoo kid** : AYYYE

  
  


[ ** _bastard_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_troy bolthan_** _!_ ]

  
  


**troy bolthan** : starts fucking moshing to bet on it

**stronk** : jisung i hate you i fuckign hate y

**vore** : OH RIGHT I WAS TELLING A STORY

**vore** : which means Everyone Shut Up

**troy bolthan** : who ruined Your high school musical

**stronk** : What Does That Even MEAN

**vore** : SO HERE I AM

**vore** : IN JISUNG AND YEDAM’S DORM

**vore** : BECAUSE I LOVE CHEESE

**stronk** : wouldnt it be so funny if you were lactose intolerant 

**vore** : AND I WALK IN

**vore** : AND YEDAM IS PASSED THE FUCK OUT ON THE FLOOR

**vore** : JISUNG????

**twix** : ye

**vore** : WHY,

**twix** : well you see

**twix** : i cant move much cause of my Ribs

**twix** : and i was like Hey Yedam Do You Mind If You Do My T Shot Today Since Its That Time Of The Week

**twix** : and he was like ok yeah sure i volunteer at the student center this should be Easy 

**twix** : as soon as it goes into the thigh he faints

**twix** : and its hard to Get Up so hes just been .

**twix** : Lying There

**twix** : it happened like Right before jeongin came in

**twix** : hes ok ! just passed out

**stronk** : im- 

**vore** : cheese is just laying on top of him rn just chilling 

**kazoo kid** : LMAOOCJDJRJJCHDJFJRJFJ

**knife cat** : i come back from class to see that jisung k worded someone

**knife cat** : I Raised You Better Than This

**arsonist** : whats this about jisung killing someone

**twix** : Yedam Is Fine

**twix** : also jaemin

**twix** : have you forgotten what you said to me the day we met

**knife cat** : .

**twix** : 2013

**twix** : “Jisungie If You Ever Killed A Man I Would Be The Person Who Helps You Bury The Body”

**twix** : Whatever Happened To That Jaemin

**knife cat** : .

**sunshine** : lmao that happened with chan too

**sunshine** : when he saw me give myself my first shot he straight up Fainted

**sunshine** : And Then Started Crying

**chad** : it’s true !

**the real lee minho** : its true i was there

**chad** : i saw felix grow up and transition w my own two eyes im so proud of him and i love him so much

**sunshine** : chan do u want me to cry

**sunshine** : I’ll Do It

**the real lee minho** : It’s True Hes Fucking Crying

**kazoo kid** : minho where even Are you rn

**the real lee minho** : oh lmao chan and i are roommates

**chad** : And They Were Roommates

**vancoolver** : oh my god they were r o o m m a t e s

**kazoo kid** : how to summon a mark: vine references

**knife cat** : kinda off topic but jeno reminds me of the vine thats like

**knife cat** : “who do you have a crush on” “the epcot ball” “well i like-” “mmmm Epcot”

**vancoolver** : i-

**vancoolver** : Yeah

**kazoo kid** : YEAH,,,,,

**arsonist** : LMAOOO

**jenowo** : . 

  
  


[ ** _jenowo_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_epcot ball_** _!_ ] 

  
  


**epcot ball** : finally,, I Am Free

**knife cat** : my life’s greatest work :((

**knife cat** : Thrown Away,,,

**vancoolver** : throw it away,,,

**vancoolver** : forget yesterday,,,

**chad** : WE’LL MAKE THE GREEEAAT EEESCAPE

**pubby** : who’s being edgy on main

**sunshine** : how Dare you insult the great escape like that :(

**vancoolver** : WE WONT HEAR A WORD THEY SAY

**chad** : THEY DONT KNOW US AAANYYYWAYYYY

**vore** : jisung’s trying So Hard not to put the song on blast and go fucking nuts but he Can’t

**twix** : im physically Shaking

**arsonist** : quick play more emo hits

**twix** : NO

**sunshine** : we can’t g note him he’s used to that

**sunshine** : what about

**sunshine** : wait mark you play the guitar right

**vancoolver** : yeah?

**sunshine** : im gonna dm you real quick

**vancoolver** : I’m Terrified

**twix** : How Do You Think I Feel Mark

**remjun** : someone quick put three cheers for sweet revenge on shuffle 

**pubby** : Oh My God

**troy bolthan** : u like dnd,, audrey hepburn

**stringbean** : fangoria?? harry houdini?? And croquet ??

**epcot ball** : you can’t swim,, you can’t dance,,

**epcot** **ball** : you don’t know karate .

**vore** : he’s So Close to losing it

**twix** : You Cannot Make Me Give In

**twix** : wait

**twix** : FUCK

**vore** : HCNGNNFNFBRJFHHCBRJFHCBFBRJFJJFBF

**stronk** : WHAT HAPPENED

**knife cat** : MARK

**knife cat** : FELIX

**knife cat** : WHAT DID YOU DO

**sunshine** : he sent jisung him playing the first few seconds of disenchantment

**the real lee minho** : You Absolute Fucking Madmen

**stronk** : FUCKDJFJD

**pubby** : lol rip

**arsonist** : LMAOOOOOOOO

**kazoo kid** : FUCKING RIPPPP

**stringbean** : THE YELL I JUST LET OUT

**troy bolthan** : PLEASEJDJJFNE

**twix** : I’m Fucking Suffering

**vore** : MY LAUGH WOKE UP YEDAM AND CHEESE FELL OFF OF HIM 

**vore** : HE FEELS SO BAD

**troy bolthan** : NOOO

**knife cat** : NOOOOOOO

**the real lee minho** : he really said fuck them kids huh

**vore** : jisungs crying and listening to mcr yedams crying and cuddling cheese I Am Simply Just Wheezing

**pubby** : moral of the story Don’t Let Mark And Felix Do Things

**vancoolver** : Understandable Have A Nice Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got my first t shot today so i thought hey why not post a lil chapter for funzies :) !! we'll get to some Plot Themed Stuff i promise
> 
> hope yall are having a good day today !


	17. minho said single people dont deserve rights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's all over the place whoops
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> troy bolthan - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> epcot ball - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> twix - (park) jisung

**epcot ball** : remember when jaemin compared me to the epcot ball vine

**arsonist** : i mean Yeah

**arsonist** : i remember it everytime i look at your username

**epcot ball** : well .

**epcot ball** : jaemin’s t

**epcot ball** : th

**epcot ball** : He’s The

**knife cat** : i’m the What

**knife cat** : Say It Coward

**remjun** : he’s wheezing give him a second

**epcot ball** : the little kid trying to do the whip in the mirror and his brotherslike wow son ur getting really good and hees like thanks dad !

**epcot ball** : thatsjaem in and mark

**knife cat** : im

**kazoo kid** : FUCKFJ

**stringbean** : jaemin, in the mirror: HOYYYAH HOYYYYAH

mark: wow son ur whips are getting ppretty good

jaemin: thanks dad :D

**knife cat** : GODDBF

**chad** : oh are we quoting vines now ?

**chad** : I’ve Waited My Entire Life For This

**arsonist** : the fact that we all witnessed the vine era,,, even jisung

**twix** : 1. i’m two months younger than you

**twix** : 2. lmao yeah

**troy bolthan** : other jisung did you also watch anime edits on vine before everyone moved to ig

**twix** : 

**twix** : chan what are your vine quotes

**troy bolthan** : DONT AVOID THE QUESTION PARK

**chad** : jisung: hyunjin- hyunjin watch the light- hyunjin- hyunjin watch the light dude

hyunjin: *breaks the light*

**vore** : HWREZEEJJDHD

**troy bolthan** : FUUCKKKKK

**stringbean** : It’s Funny Because It Actually Happened

**knife cat** : wh

**kazoo kid** : why does jeongin give off the vibe of the “I SHAVED MY EYEBROWS :D” kid

**vore** : You Know What

**chad** : LMAOOOFKNRJF

**sunshine** : yall i just got out of class imfnfnfnfn

**remjun** : mark: i wanna church girl that go to church

**epcot ball** : SHUT UP

**twix** : hcnfhf

**vancoolver** : HNGNFNFBCNFNFH

**vancoolver** : AND READDD HER BIIIBLEEE

**pubby** : minho, talking the vernon on the phone: ehehehehehe hehehehe VERNONNN

**stronk** : GOD

**chad** : STO PFP MI M CRYIFNG

**vore** : FUCKGIGNGN

**stringbean** : YUP YUPPFJFJFJF

**kazoo kid** : as much as that made me Lose My Actual Shit

**kazoo kid** : they’re still talking? :0

**stronk** : they’re boyfriends now

**stronk** : right?

**pubby** : i mean they went on a few dates but i don’t think they’re Together together

**kazoo kid** : HUH

**knife cat** : IT’S BEEN LIKE???? A MONTH?????

**arsonist** : yeah like a month at Least

**arsonist** : What Do You Mean They Don’t Have Their Shit Together

**stronk** : dont ask me ! all they do is call, go out, and bingewatch the cats vs dogs movies back to back

**arsonist** : i hate gay people

**stringbean** : chenle

**stringbean** : chenle you Are gay people 

**arsonist** : gay people i dont trust: lee minho

**troy bolthan** : Yeah

**pubby** : yeah

**the real lee minho** : Yeah

**the real lee minho** : wait fuck that’s me

**chad** : minho . 

**vore** : Minho. 

**stronk** : minho

**the real lee minho** : oh god what did i do

**arsonist** : whats the deal with you and your boyfriend

**the real lee minho** : He’s Not

**the real lee minho** : wait . 

**the real lee minho** : uh

**the real lee minho** : tbfh i dont know if we’re boyfriends or not

**chad** : eye

**sunshine** : Eye

**knife cat** : we-

**kazoo kid** : MINHO

**the real lee minho** : GIVE ME A MINUTE

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Private Chat:_ **_uwu_ **] 

  
  


**min** : What Are We

**non** : w,

**min** : Fuck

**min** : Uh

**min** : you know the dates we go on Right

**non** : yes ?

**min** : have we ever

**min** : fuckingng

**min** : uh

**min** : official

**non** : ?

**non** : OH.

**non** : HOLD ON

**non** : I WAS PLANNING TO ASK YOU NEXT TIME WE HUNG OUT HONESTLY,

**min** : WEHDHFH

**min** : IM AORRY

**non** : YOURE GOOD

**non** : SO ,

**non** : would uh

**non** : would it be ok if i uh

**non** : put my minecraft bed next to yours ? 

**min** : vernon i dont play minecraft

**non** : lmao neither do i mingyu just told me it was a good way to ask

**non** : but if we both did, would you wanna go on romantic walks in the caves, look for diamonds, and adopt a lot of cats together? 

**min** : H

**min** : yes ofc but CALL ME AND ASK ME PROPERLY

**non** : FUCFJJF 

**non** : HOLD ON

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat:_ **_Chan, Minho, and their Dumbass Kids_ **]

  
  


**chad** : minho just BOLTED out of the apartment Is He Ok

**chad** : wait i can hear him from outside the front door

**chad** : Oh

**chad** : They’re Boyfriends!

**kazoo kid** : GOD FINALLY

**pubby** : GOOD

**twix** : aw Fuck Yeah

**vancoolver** : ayyye!!

**sunshine** : THANK GOD

**stronk** : oh FUCK yeah

**vore** : YESSSSS

**stringbean** : thank god it only took a fucking MONTH

**remjun** : our first Not Single person in the gc . Must Be Nice

**epcot ball** : f in the chat

**twix** : god Mood

**arsonist** : @ the guy that hit jisung w his skateboard that one time hit him up

**arsonist** : WAIT I KEEP FORGETTING THAT WAS FELIXJXBF

**twix** : Moving On !

**remjun** : mlms a loss for us

**chad** : i mean not really since minho’s Thriving rn but for the rest of us? Yeah

**stronk** : boys We Lost One

**stringbean** : lolchdb Yeah ,

**knife cat** : guess i gotta wait ten years to get into a stable relationship :/

**knife cat** : jeno you might wanna start picking out tuxes early

**epcot ball** : again WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN ,

**pubby** : uh not to worry anyone but

**pubby** : hyunjin just kinda left my dorm earlier than he usually does and he Never Does That

**pubby** : i always gotta kick him out this hasn’t happened before

**kazoo kid** : wh

**kazoo kid** : Oh Yeah it’s thursday

**pubby** : he never leaves cuddle session thursday early this isn’t like him 

**vore** : should we ask him whats up? 

**chad** : i dont know…

**sunshine** : hopefully he’s ok !! :(

**troy bolthan** : i can message daehwi and see if he

knows whats up? 

**stringbean** : wh

**stringbean** : guyshdvcbdbfhf i’m fine

**stringbean** : i’m just idk

**stringbean** : in this household we are Open about our feelings

**arsonist** : God I Wish That Were Me

**arsonist** : but nooo i just Had to be a scorpio/sagittarius cusp

**arsonist** : which means idk what the FUCK is going on in the chest area 

**arsonist** : like am i getting Romantic Feelings or am i just getting sick

**knife cat** : whats this about romantic feelings ?

**arsonist** : wh No

**arsonist** : that just means heart: broken

**arsonist** : but not in the emotional way there’s just like . idk someone probably coded shit wrong in there

**arsonist** : this also means i have to take one of your hearts so i can Feel Something

**twix** : zhong chenle . stealer of hearts and Leftovers Everywhere

**arsonist** : My Brand ,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally , the tiny lil Smidge of a plot arc,,,, it's Coming
> 
> (if u want a lil spoiler for what's to come ,, read the updated tags 👁👁)


	18. yall its scary time !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, trying to write the halloween arc within a couple of days while also dealing with college: oh god oh fuck Oh Jeez
> 
> (also rereading this chapter it's Way shorter than i thought it was so i'm Sorry)
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> troy bolthan - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> epcot ball - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> twix - (park) jisung

**troy bolthan** : BITCHES GET IN THE CHAT RIGHT NOW

**the real lee minho** : who are u calling a bitch, bitch

**troy bolthan** : YOU

**the real lee minho** : BITCH.

**troy bolthan** : ANYWAY.

**pubby** : why are you yelling at 1 am on a friday night

**troy bolthan** : BECAUSE ITS 1 AM ON A FRIDAY NIGHT

**pubby** : i ok yeah

**troy bolthan** : OK WE NEED EVERYONE HERE BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING AWESOME IDEA

**pubby** : i guarantee you not everyone’s gonna be up at 1 am 

**remjun** : huh

**arsonist** : night owl gang u rang?

**changbin** : uwu? 

**vore** : hey ! i hate that !

**knife cat** : owo? 

**kazoo kid** : OWO?

**chad** : seungmin do you even know who i Am 

**the real lee minho** : surprisingly he’s not working for once we’re binging all the hsm movies

**sunshine** : w me ! :D

**twix** : wHuh

**epcot ball** : wait whats goin on

**vancoolver** : nothing much just seungmin getting corrected

**pubby** : jisung pls say what you were gonna say before i punt this fucker back to canada

**troy bolthan** : WAIT 

**troy bolthan** : We’re Missing One.

**troy bolthan** : stringbean where are u,,,

**sunshine** : now that you’ve mentioned it i don’t think i’ve seen hyunjin all day :(

**vore** : wherest’ve,,,

**stringbean** : huh

**stringbean** : yall i stg ,

**vore** : excuse us for being WORRIED about you you Big Bitch

**stringbean** : love you too innie

**stringbean** : i’m just . idk thinking ?

**epcot ball** : You Are Thinking ?

**stringbean** : I Am Thinking . 

**stringbean** : a lot’s on my mind yknow? 

**chad** : you know you can talk to us at any time ! we’re you’re best friends hyunjinnie and we love you and care about you very very much

**stringbean** : Oh I Am More Than Aware Of That

**stringbean** : ily too 

**stringbean** : sorry jisung you can continue ur thing

**troy bolthan** : nah ur good bro ! ly !

**troy bolthan** : SO YALL HEAR ME OUT

**troy bolthan** : HALLOWEENS A COMIN

**kazoo kid** : YESSSS

**vancoolver** : oh FUCK YES

**vore** : A

**knife cat** : HALLOWEEN PARTY??? IS THAT WHERE WERE GOING W THIS???????

**troy bolthan** : YES

**troy bolthan** : but also No

**troy bolthan** : what abt a halloween party but w Just Us

**troy bolthan** : like an actual party sounds fun but crowds Yucky

**twix** : felt that

**twix** : jisung social anxiety gang

**troy bolthan** : JISUNG SOCIAL ANXIETY GANG

**troy bolthan** : OH i was gonna mention if we could hang out at your dorm again for it but ur ribs :(

**twix** : actually !

**pubby** : i sense some Good News incoming?

**twix** : taeyong n i went to the doctors yesterday (which rlly we should’ve done before) and it turns out my ribs are just Bruised Rlly Bad but there's no actual broken ones !

**twix** : and those usually heal for like 3-6 weeks?

**twix** : and it’s been like 4 weeks since then

**twix** so whatever we have planned i’m Pretty sure i can handle it

**vore** : damn that was some Good News !!

**sunshine** : GOOD NEWS INDEED FUCK YEAH :D

**troy bolthan** : FUCK YEAHHH

**troy bolthan** : SMALL HALLOWEEN MOVIE NIGHT GET TOGETHER AT JISUNG’S DORM ORGANIZED BY JISUNG (ME)

**twix** : A Jisung and Jisung Project

**troy bolthan** : also jisung yedam’s also invited because He Also Lives There

**twix** : he says thank you

**knife cat** : is cheese w you rn

**chad** : Is He Also Invited

**twix** : he lives here .

**troy bolthan** : He’s The Honorary Guest

**chad** : THATS MYY FUCKCKIZNG SONNNNNN

**vore** : TELL HIM I LOVE HIM

**vancoolver** : im about to pass out but please tell cheese that I Love Him

**twix** : i did and he just squeaked at me

**vancoolver** : AAAAAAA

**knife cat:** GOD I LOVE HIMMMM

**troy bolthan** : OH also

**troy bolthan** : @ minho you can bring ur dumb bf

**troy bolthan** : i’m kidding he seems like a very nice guy

**the real lee minho** : lemme message him real quick

**the real lee minho** : wait

**the real lee minho** : i’m no longer single

**the real lee minho** : i can finally go with someone in one of those cheesy couples costumes you see from hets on pinterest

**vore** : get two other people and go as the four guys from boys over flowers

**the real lee minho** : Oh You Think Youre So Fucking Funny Dont You Yang Jeong In

**vore** : NOT THE GOVERNMENT NAME

**tory bolthan** : OK I HAVE AN IDEA

**troy bolthan** : how about eye emoji eye emoji we keep our costumes a secret until halloween

**troy bolthan** : seems More Fun that way

**kazoo kid** : OR- OR

**kazoo kid** : SECRET SANTA

**kazoo kid** : BUT W HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

**troy bolthan** : elaborate . 

**kazoo kid** : we each dm you a character or a costume idea

**kazoo kid** : you number them or you shuffle them up somehow

**kazoo kid** : you dm the people the costume idea you selected randomly

**kazoo kid** : no one tells anyone their costumes. only You know.

**kazoo kid** : we all reveal who sent in what costume idea halloween night

**kazoo kid** : i did this w my family every halloween it’s So Fun

**knife cat** : that Does sound fun but donghyuck i dont trust u

**kazoo kid** : ok! Perish

**troy bolthan** : Chaotic. I Love It.

**troy bolthan** : You Heard Kazoo Kid Everyone Pm Me Their Submissions

**troy bolthan** : This Goes For Yedam And Vernon Also

**twix** : gotcha

**the real lee know** : i’m make him Aware

**chad** : i’m scared for my life but also this sounds like So Much Fun

**troy bolthan** : Winner Gets A Prize !

**remjun** : like What .

**troy bolthan** : A Kiss

**troy bolthan** : from me :)

**pubby** : i just gagged

**sunshine** : jeongin gets a chill in the distance

**vore** : pl s Please No I’m Begging Y

**kazoo kid** : i’ll kiss u bro

**troy bolthan** : GASP

**troy bolthan** : BRO,,,,,,

**kazoo kid** : bro ,,

**stronk** : Fellas Is It Gay

**stronk** : the answer is Yes

**arsonist** : are they wearing socks though

**epcot ball** : if socks mean it’s not gay then what do rainbow socks mean

**arsonist** : .

**arsonist** : FUCK

  
  


-

  
  


[ ** _Hwang Hyunjin_ ** _wants to add you and_ **_Park Jisung_ ** _to a group!_ ] 

  
  


[ ** _Hwang Hyunjin_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_hyunjin_** _!_ ] 

  
  


**hyunjin** : hey um

**hyunjin** : can i ask you two something?

[Accept] [Decline]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to make up for lack of updates this month and the cliffhanger, i'll try to get the next chapter out by tonight! :^) hell yeah babie


	19. welcome to the not cis club we have strawberry kiwi capri suns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i have fulfilled my promise of Two Updates today ! barely edited tho
> 
> watch this chapter also be shorter than i thought it would be
> 
> also Very brief mention of bullying in jisung’s story !!
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> troy bolthan - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> epcot ball - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> twix - (park) jisung

[ ** _Accept_** ] [Decline]

  
  


[ ** _Lee Felix_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_felix_** _!_ ]

  
  


[ ** _Park Jisung_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_jisung_** _!_ ]

  
  


**felix** : jinnie!! what goes on :0

**jisung** : what’d you wanna ask us?

**hyunjin** : im sorry if this sounds like its coming out of nowhere and that its so late at night but uh

**hyunjin** : how did you two know you were trans?

**felix** : Oh.

**jisung** : oh uhh

**jisung** : felix do you wanna go first? mine’s long

**felix** : ooo alrighty

**felix** : back then when i was a Wee Child i didn’t know what the Fuck was up with how i was feeling, you know? like i’m glad that i grew up in an area that was accepting of anyone and everyone, but i think it was obvious how much my family wanted another girl lol

**felix** : so for most of my childhood i had girly clothes and yknow. The Very Girly Childhood but none of it just felt right, you know?

**felix** : dresses made me feel weird (now they don’t lol i just think they’re neat) and it was definitely a case of “Im Not Like Other Girls” all the way up until middle school?

**felix** : i think someone in middle school told me about the gsa there and i went because ya boi discovered that boys and girls were both cute at a Very young age and one of the upperclassmen in it was trans and i was like YOU CAN _DO_ THAT ?

**felix** : and so it clicked and i was like hot damn i might be a guy

**felix** : but ahahaha internalized transphobia sucks so i wasn’t able to fully come out to myself and others until the end of my freshman year? then i moved to korea, met you guys, started hrt, woohoo

**jisung** : oh i Felt that “I’m Not Like Other Girls” phase.

**jisung** : having grown up with literally No one tell me that being trans was a thing so i just grew up as a girl and was like “welp. guess this is how life is. guess this is the default and i’m just gonna have to deal with it.” and so i just. vibed from like ages 1-10

**jisung** : ok this is gonna sound rlly fucking weird but i like to think that frozen was my trans awakening

**felix** : FROZEN ?

**jisung** : YEAH

**jisung** : anna was (is) my favorite but i also had a huge crush on her back then and wanted to be kristof So Badly

**jisung** : immediately after that i was like “wait dang i actually do feel more comfortable wearing just Boy Clothes in general” so i would steal some of taeyong’s old hand-me-downs and wear those a lot but i was still in the mindset of “i’m just a tomboy! i hate everything girly! I’m Not Like Other Girls!” because i was 11 and dumb

**jisung** : and as a Surprise to No One, i got bullied for it, which was fucking Stupid

**jisung** : i actually met jaemin because of that. he told the other kids to get lost when they were messing w me one day and we’ve been friends since

**jisung** : he once was like “hey you’re like a little sister to me” and i was like “hey wait please dont call me that” and he was like “ok then you’re like a little brother to me” and i was like Oh .

**jisung** : ran home that day and was like “Taeyong Im Your Brother Now” and he was like like Ok ?

**jisung** : and from then on jaemin introduced me to The Rest Of His Friends and they all called me their little brother. they even helped me pick out my name because i wanted a Boy Name

**jisung** : so from like age 11 to 14 i was just Living Like A Boy but i didn’t know what being trans was yet. or at least i didn’t know there was a word for it.

**jisung** : first week of high school mark mentions that the boy in his year he had a crush on was trans and i was like “whats that” and they all just kinda Looked at me like How Do You Not Know

**jisung** : and they explained it to me and i was like Oh Ok Wait

**jisung** : So That’s How I Actually Realized I Was Trans

**jisung** : do you have anymore questions? we’d be happy to answer any you have

**hyunjin** : so i’ve been thinking a lot the past few weeks. did my research, talked to my therapist, talked with it a Bit to my roommates and uh

**hyunjin** : i think i wanna start going by they/them from now on

**hyunjin** : the idea of being labeled as a boy always kinda made me uneasy? but i never felt like a girl either? and i know that nonbinary people can lean more towards being more masc and being more fem but I Literally Could Not Give A Shit About Where I Lean Towards

**hyunjin** : I Just Wanna Vibe

**felix** : no gender, only vibe?

**hyunjin** : NO GENDER ONLY VIBE

**jisung** : god youre so fucking valid

**jisung** : seriously though thank you for trusting us enough to tell us this and we’re happy that you’re becoming more comfortable with yourself

**felix** : yeah!! we love you lots :((

**hyunjin** : i love yall too :((

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat:_ **_Chan, Minho, and their Dumbass Kids_** ]

  
  


**troy bolthan** : It Is Now 1 In The Afternoon 

**troy bolthan** : have i received Everyone’s costume submission

**stronk** : hehe Yeah

**chad** : Yup!

**vancoolver** : Yeah

**epcot ball** : ye

**twix** : ye

**arsonist** : Yeha

**knife cat** : Yeehaw

**kazoo kid** : Yeehaw

**the real lee minho** : uhuh

**sunshine** : hehehehehe

**remjun** : yeah

**pubby** : Yeah

**stringbean** : ye

**troy bolthan** : am now shuffling the costumes and Will dm people shortly

**troy bolthan** : some of yours I Am Afraid

**pubby** : han jisung? Afraid?

**pubby** : We Are So Fucked

**chad** : i-

**chad** : I Got Mine.

**chad** : wait how the fuck am i even supposed to dress up like that-

**the real lee minho** : oh god new message from jisung

**the real lee minho** : HUH

**the real lee minho** : I GOT BOTH MINE AND VERNONS THEYRE SO DIFFERENT?????

**stronk** : oh my god mine’s so cool

**stronk** : none of you could’ve ever chosen this

**stronk** : vernon or yedam i owe u my life

**stringbean** : holy FUCK

**stringbean** : MINE’S SO PERFECT?? WAS THIS RLLY SHUFFLED

**stringbean** : wait how tf am i gonna PAY FOR THIS

**sunshine** : .

**sunshine** : ngl i’m kinda disappointed however this is So Funny

**pubby** : i know Exactly who picked my costume and i’m gonna kill him.

**pubby** : I’m Gonna Fucking Kill Him

**vore** : mine’s not what i expected at All but it’s :000

**vancoolver** : YOOO

**vancoolver** : mine’s cool mine is So Cool I’m So Excited

**remjun** : I KNOW EXACTLY WHO PICKED THIS IM GONNA WRING HIS SCRAWNY FUCKING NECK

**epcot ball** : ,,, i have no idea who picked mine .

**epcot ball** : All I Know Is Hatred

**kazoo kid** : FUCK YEAHHHHH

**kazoo kid** : YALL ARENT READY FOR MINEEE

**knife cat** : im actually sobbing i hate this so much

**arsonist** : my gen z ass has been fucking thrown back to 2013

**arsonist** : every memory i’ve had for the past ten years all came rushing back to me

**twix** : I AM NOT COMPLAINING IN THE SLIGHTEST

**twix** : nope nvm my hair’s gonna be fucking Fried

**twix** : and yedam’s Thrilled w what he got

**troy bolthan** : and that leaves me.

**troy bolthan** : with possibly the Best costume i could’ve ever hoped to get

**troy bolthan** : i am Thriving

**epcot ball** : cool! im fucking Suffering 

**troy bolthan** : literally rip to All of your wallets

**troy bolthan** : like literally most of this is Actual Cosplay

**troy bolthan** : except for like chan, yours is So Easy

**chad** : I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO,,,,,,,

**troy bolthan** : sucks to suck ig you’ve got a week to figure that out

**chad** : WH

  
  


-

  
  


[ _Group Chat_ **_: No Cissies Allowed_** ]

  
  


**hyunjin** : and when i come out during the halloween party ,

**jisung** : oooo

**felix** : OOOOO

  
**hyunjin** : Legendary Behavior Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will Try to get the next chapter up by halloween, if not I’m Sorry, Blame School


	20. the almost two month late halloween chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter doesn’t go into too much detail on who everyone submitted to be a costume, so that list’ll be in the ending notes!
> 
> also barely edited non-beta read chapter we die like men

it’s a good thing that jisung and yedam’s dorm room was one of The Good Ones™ that had its own kitchen and lobby area and everything because planning a get together and fitting seventeen people and one kitten in a normal one-room college dorm would’ve been a complete disaster. not to mention very stressful and pretty claustrophobic.

“are you sure that we have enough food?” yedam asked, applying more fake blood onto his lip.

“well,” jisung pulled up the list on his phone, “we have both halloween candy and a huge barrel of pretzels for those who either like sweet or salty things. we can also order pizza if we all pitch in.”

“drinks?”

“we have three two liter bottles of grape soda in the fridge.”

“awesome. do i look undead enough?” yedam turned around, face looking bruised because of the makeup, hair messed up and everywhere, and tarnished clothes adorned. if it wasn’t obvious enough, his randomly assigned halloween costume was a zombie, and he pulled it off well.

“like you just rose from the grave and appeared in the like ooh-ahh mv.”

“heh, awesome,” yedam found a grocery bag lying in the room and took out two cans of spray on hair dye and more dollar store makeup. “now get out of bed and let’s dye your hair.”

jisung’s chosen costume was todoroki, which meant that he had to spray his hair, get a scar, and that was essentially it. since taeyong used to do cosplay, he already had the one blue eye contact borrowed and on his eye, and he could apply the makeup by himself. however, he didn’t have the commitment or the heart to totally destroy his hair just for one party.

he also wasn’t about to spend his grocery money on an elaborate hero costume that would probably be worth more than his scholarship. absolutely not. he was doing his hair, scar, eyes, and staying in his pajamas. the absolute bare minimum, if you will.

he was absolutely sure that everyone else would do the bare minimum, too.

  
  


-

  
  


jisung was wrong. so very wrong.

because the other jisung (to spare any confusion, he’s going by han,) went all out, showing up at the front door wearing a low cut black dress, a wavy black wig, red lipstick, and a red mark on his chest that resembled a dragon devouring its own tail.

“are you that one lady from fullmetal alchemist?”

“ _that one lady from fullmetal alchemist,_ ” han threw back in a low pitched, mocking tone, “dude, i’m lust.”

“you put too much effort into this. i love whoever suggested that, though.”

“don’t talk to me about effort when you have an actual contact lense in,” han said as he walked in the dorm, “the others’ll be a while, though.”

jisung closed the door behind him. “why _are_ you here so early anyway?”

han turned around and faked an offended gasp, “because this is a Jisung and Jisung effort! i’m helping out here.” he quickly shut up when jisung threw him an unimpressed look.

“i wanted to see cheese.”

“he’s in the kitchen.”

  
  


-

  
  


the next people to show up a good 30 minutes later were chenle and renjun, one looking relatively pleased to be there and the other looking like he wanted to jump out the nearest window.

“i know you suggested this,” renjun glared at the taller and younger boy. he was wearing a white dress shirt with a red tie, wild hair that had been sprayed to match said tie, a blue blazer, and skinny jeans. he looked like it was time to do it now and do it loud. jisung was trying his hardest not to break out in hysterics.

“i have no idea what you’re talking about,” he managed to get out, his smile impossibly wide. he looked over to the boy on renjun’s left, who was in his normal pajamas except for the grey cat ears, the pride flag tied around his neck like a cape, and the box of poptarts under his arm.

“chenle, i think you blasted me back to 2012. i feel like i’m 11 again.”

“holy fuck, you’re the _only_ one who’s recognized me so far.”

“oh my god, chenle, it’s not that I never watched that when it came out,” renjun said as he actually entered the dorm, “it’s that your costume’s so simplistic and so subtle that i didn’t think anyone could recognize what it was.”

“more people!” han announced as he came out of the kitchen, holding the orange kitten in his arms like a baby, “welcome to the Jisung and Jisung- oh my god are you _nyan cat_?”

“ _thank you_.”

  
  


-

  
  


more people started to show up over the course of the late afternoon, and with every new costume, everyone was either impressed or had to step out of the room because they were wheezing so hard. mark showed up in a $5 spiderman costume from one of those cheep halloween stores in an outlet mall, changbin, in an attempt to be lucario, put on a black masquerade mask, a black headband, and a white sweater vest, and everyone agreed that nobody made a more perfect onceler than jaemin.

one of the highlights of the night would probably be when chan, seungmin, jeongin, and felix showed up. 

“please tell me how in the world i was supposed to dress like a,” chan pulled out his phone to double check the text that han had sent him, “a _himbo werewolf?_ ”

“i’d say you hit it right on the mark!” han yelled from across the dorm. jisung… couldn’t disagree. the shorter of the two had on clip-on dog ears, a “suns out guns out” tank top, and denim cut off shorts. chan looked horrendous and it was amazing.

“although i personally love his costume,” seungmin piped in, wearing orange cat ears and an “i hate mondays” forever 21 shirt, “no one’s gonna walk up to him and immediately say ‘holy shit are you a _himbo werewolf?_ ’”

“no one’s gonna immediately think you’re garfield, either,” jeongin stated, wearing a pot like a hat, adorning silver face paint, and holding metal utensils in each hand, “although i don’t think people are gonna think i’m the tin man. i just look weird.”

“at least you guys look cool,” jisung then noticed felix behind the three, who’s costume he was both confused and intrigued by the most, “felix… are you even wearing a costume?”

with a straight face and not saying a word, felix just handed jisung his phone and waited for him to read what was on the screen.

  
  


[ _Private Chat:_ **_Soulmates uwu_** ]

  
  


**feral bastard** : Felix

**fairy babie** : ye

**fairy babie** : gimme that costume babey

**feral bastard** : felix,, i shit you not

**feral bastard** : that Is your costume

**feral bastard** : Your Costume Is Felix

**fairy babie** : .

**fairy babie** : who the _FUCK_

  
  


jisung handed the phone back to felix and completely lost it, causing the others in the dorm to rush to the front door to see what was going on. in short, felix’s costume easily was the popular favorite thus far.

of the other costumes to follow, there was jeno with pain in his eyes and in a solid purple onesie (he was supposed to be the purple teletubbie,) followed by hyunjin in probably the most elegant and most recognizable costume thus far. they came in with high waisted leather pants, a flowey white blouse, beautiful blue and silver jewelry, and a pink jacket to top off the “casual wizard howl” look.

“this was rigged,” seungmin stated as soon as he saw them come in through the door, “you look amazing, but this shit was _so_ rigged,” to which hyunjin just stuck their tongue out at him and went to go get some food.

“y’all, i swear, i shuffled everything fairly,” han raised his hands defensively when glared at by a sceptical looking seungmin. “if it was rigged, i would’ve been the himbo werewolf.”

“pretty sus, but fine.”

before han could retaliate, the dormroom door opened again to reveal donghyuck and his costume, to which jaemin rushed out of the lounge area to cover jisung’s eyes.

“i show up in single-handedly the best sexy nurse costume all of you have ever seen and _this_ is the first thing i see when i walk in?” donghyuck said in an offended tone but clearly not serious about it.

“donghyuck, there are _kids_ in this house,” jaemin hissed at him.

“i think my costume is perfectly fine. you, however, look like 2012 tumblr’s fucking dream boy. if anyone here’s gonna get sexualized, you better _run_.”

“uh.” the three in the doorway turned to see the last two guests show up. the taller of the two was wearing his regular clothes but with a plague doctor mask on, the other one was wearing a skirt and…

a $30 hatsune miku cosplay wig.

felix, han, and jeongin in the back of the room were losing their fucking minds.

“ok,” jisung said as he removed jaemin’s hands from his face, “now that everyone’s here, let’s finally get this trainwreck started.”

  
  


-

  
  


in terms of “party status,” it wasn’t anything to brag and write home about. han was right when he said that this was just one big get together and not a normal halloween party. for the majority of the night, the group was gathered around the tv, watching all of the high school musical movies and playing mario kart and super smash bros on jisung’s switch, all of the events caused a lot of yelling from everyone.

they also did end up all pitching in and ordering pizza, which was a highlight of the night.

after multiple sounds of smash and seungmin kicking everyone's ass, donghyuck got an idea.

“i don’t think we can do spin the bottle because the only bottles we have are two liters and those are hard to spin so… one of those ‘put a finger down’ games?”

“ _those_ kinds of party games? what are we, twelve?” gerard huang questioned (or renjun way, whichever nickname jisung internally came up for him that suited him better.)

to which donghyuck replied with a “mentally, yes. your point?” and honestly? he wasn’t wrong.

so that’s how everyone (including cheese, who wasn’t playing not only because he’s a cat who can’t bend his little bean toes, but was also safe and content laying down in chan’s lap) was gathered around the coffee table in the middle of the lounge area, holding up their hand, ready to play along. 

the rules were simple: say the words “put a finger down if…” and finish the statement with something you haven’t done recently or haven’t done at all. you can also finish with a statement that directly calls out one or two specific people just to get them to put a finger down which, although it was dirty to play like that, that’s how most people played the game. no one really wins the game, unless you play by the “last person w any fingers up wins” rule, but no one cared about that; they only want other players to be exposed.

for the beginning few minutes of the game, the statements were pretty light hearted. stuff like “put a finger down if you’re wearing makeup,” or “put a finger down if you’ve ever mixed an energy drink and coffee together just to feel something- vernon, put your _fucking_ finger down, you heathen,” and others like that. none of the questions caused anyone to go fucking nuts and no big secrets got exposed just yet.

until it was seungmin’s turn, who wanted to get minho out because he had only one finger left.

“put a finger down if you’re currently seeing or dating someone.”

others cackled and told seungmin that was a cheap move, expecting the only couple in the room to put their fingers down.”

what they didn’t expect was that, along with a certain boy who froze in his seat, eyes blown wide and face gone pale.

“jaemin…?”

the boy in question didn’t say a word,the room becoming dead quiet. everyone looked his way, wondering just what was up with the black haired boy, until he slowly started to put one of his fingers down.

the entire dorm _roared_.

while mostly everyone erupted with laughter, the others were gaping, yelling questions like “who,” “what,” when,” and donghyuck, violently shaking jaemin and yelling “na fucking jaemin, when did this happen and _why the fuck didn’t we know about it until now???_ ”

the boy in question laughed nervously as the literal life was being shaken out of him. “i just didn’t really think of it as a big deal, i guess?” he said once donghyuck stopped shaking him.

“so when do we get to meet your apparent boyfriend, now?” jeno questioned, still in shock like everyone else was.

“he’s not my boyfriend,” jaemin said as his face got noticeably more and more red, “we just have the same botany class and he’s sweet and funny and he liked me and i liked him so- _wait_ , we have a game to finish. game first, questions later.” everyone groaned as the mood of the game was switched and everything went back to relatively normal.

within the next few rounds, more and more people kept getting exposed, a very different energy than when the game first started. for example, three different people apparently had their own youtube channels where they uploaded covers of songs (these people being seungmin, renjun, and yedam,) chenle was the one who ate all of the pretzels in the kitchen even though there was a full bag of them at the start of the party, and as a surprise to no one, everyone in the room went through a minecraft phase.

when it got to hyunjin’s turn, everyone expected them to have one that could potentially destroy anyone there because when it came to stuff like this, they could get hilariously mean.

however, when hyunjin finally figured out what they wanted to say, they looked nervous. they cleared their throat and held up their hand.

“put a finger down if you’re cis.”

and everyone except jisung, felix, and hyunjin put one down.

it wasn’t until chan finally broke the silence in the room with and “ _oh_ ” and felix rushed over to tackle hyunjin in a hug for everyone to finally get it.

“so…” hyunjin finally got out once they were able to sit up, felix still clinged onto them, “i’m going by they/them pronouns. and i’m nonbinary.”

“god you’re so fucking valid, hyunjin,” changbin said with a huge smile on his face, “oh shit wait, do you still wanna go by hyunjin or something different?”

“huh,” hyunjin thought for a moment, “hyunjin was never really a name i was uncomfortable with? i’ve always liked it, so i think i’m gonna stick with it.”

“well, no matter what, you’ll always be our hyunjin,” chan smiled at them, “who’s incredibly valid and loved by all of us very, very much.”

“and who also sucks at mario kart.”

hyunjin quickly went to pick up a pillow to chuck at jeongin, who just laughed and stuck his tongue out at them.

“no but really,” jeongin said as his giggles died down, “we love you, hyung.”

hyunjin smiled at the people in the room as felix’s hold on him grew tighter. “i love you guys, too.”

  
  


-

  
  


after hyunjin’s legendary coming out, the game still went on until one last person was left standing (or, with at least a finger left, since they were all sitting,) to which jisung’s prize was just the last slice of pizza. after that, everything seemed to calm down.

that was until it was time to reveal who submitted what costume that it turned into chaos again.

“i fucking _knew_ it was jisung who chose this for me i’m gonna _kill you_ -“ renjun made donghyuck hold him back while jisung high-fived jeongin, who was the one who submitted his. jeno sent a threatening smile towards changbin and mouthed the words “ _count your days, riolu,_ ” at him. hyunjin couldn’t stop laughing at the look on jaemin’s face when he found out they were the one who submitted the onceler for theirs.

all while this was going on, those who were content with their costumes (mainly donghyuck and han) just sat back and watched the chaos unfold, eating the rest of the party’s halloween candy in the process.

and since halloween was on a saturday (now technically sunday, because it was after midnight at this point,) it was decided that the party would turn into a sleepover.

well, for a little while at least because everyone ended up crashing in the lounge area around 4 am.

even though most of them were certainly not party people, it was certainly fun for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who submitted what (and who wore it):
> 
> chan: zombie (yedam)  
> minho: garfield (seungmin)  
> changbin: the purple teletubby (jeno)  
> hyunjin: oncelor (jaemin)  
> han jisung: sexy nurse (donghyuck)  
> felix: himbo werewolf (chan)  
> seungmin: felix (felix)  
> jeongin: todoroki (park jisung)  
> mark: lust fma (han jisung)  
> renjun: plague doctor (vernon)  
> jeno: spiderman (mark)  
> donghyuck: nyan cat (chenle)  
> jaemin: howl (hyunjin)  
> chenle: hatsune miku (minho)  
> park jisung: gerard way (renjun)  
> vernon: tin man (jeongin)  
> yedam: lucario (changbin)
> 
> finals are over, so more time to write :) thank yall for being patient !!


	21. na jaemin did it for the gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes i said i could write more now so i'm doing Just That!
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> troy bolthan - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> epcot ball - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> twix - (park) jisung

**stronk** : wait jisung

**stronk** : shorter jisung

**troy bolthan** : Why This

**remjun** : i swear we need nicknames for yall

**twix** : what abt jisung and cissie

**sunshine** : CISSIEJEJDJDHDKS

**stringbean** : HELP MEEEEE

**troy bolthan** : CISSIE,

**stronk** : ok lemme rephrase that

**stronk** : Cissie

**troy bolthan** : YES, CHANGBIN ?

**stronk** : before the party you mentioned smth like a prize for the costumes

**stronk** : that was literally Never brought up

**troy bolthan** : oh SHIT

**troy bolthan** : damn,,, i think i meant for everyone to guess who submitted their costume but i guess i forgot lmao sorry

**troy bolthan** : still kissing innie tho !

**vore** : DO /NOT/

**stronk** : jisung !! stop trying to kiss jeongin !!

**vore** : thank u ily

**stronk** : if i can’t do that neither can you

**vore** : WAIT NO

**stringbean** : god u guys we ALL wanna kiss jeongin yall arent special ://

**vore** : NO???????

**kazoo kid** : to save the poor child and to also bring up Another question

**kazoo kid** : speaking of smooching

**kazoo kid** : who’s the boy that JAEMIN’S SMOOCHING NOW

**twix** : oh that’s Right jaemin’s gotta boyfriend

**knife cat** : WHUH

**knife cat** : WE HAVENT EVEN KISSEDBDKHS

**kazoo kid** : THE STALLING STOPS NOW

**kazoo kid** : SPILL

**knife cat** : YOU GUYS DONT EVEN KNOW HIM,

**arsonist** : oh you wanna pull That excuse ?

**arsonist** : IN _THIS_ CHAT?

**arsonist** : HE’S PROBABLY CHANGBIN’S BROTHER OR SMTH

**stronk** : Chenle I Don’t HAVE A Brother

**epcot ball** : Guys

**epcot ball** : just ask him if it was a certain love interest stereotype and he’ll eventually crack

**epcot ball** : Jaemin.

**knife cat** : jesus fucking christ

**epcot ball** : was it one of your coworkers

**knife cat** : no

**epcot ball** : was it the mafia boss’s son

**knife cat** : i hope not

**epcot ball** : was it the curly haired bisexual twitch streamer

**knife cat** : no

**epcot ball** : was it the soundcloud rapper

**knife cat** : n

**knife cat** : .

**vore** : NO,,,

**remjun** : jaemin.

**kazoo kid** : NA JAEMIN.

**knife cat** : listen,,

**arsonist** : JAEMIN NO,,

**twix** : oh my Fuck

**sunshine** : LMAO REALLY?

**knife cat** : HE ONCE SHOWED ME HIS PROFILE AND HE’S ACTUALLY GOOD

**knife cat** : HEAR ME OUT

**kazoo kid** : NO I DONT THINK I WILL!

**stringbean** : yall are dissing sc rappers and chan changbin and cissie are here like 🧍

**sunshine** : PLSHJDHDDBD

**troy bolthan** : leave us OUT OF THIS

**kazoo kid** : jaemin pls i am Begging On My Hands And Knees

**kazoo kid** : Who’s The Botany Soundcloud Rapper

**arsonist** : BOTANY SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER

**knife cat** : sigh

**knife cat** : his name’s yangyang

**knife cat** : he’s in my year

**arsonist** : LIU YANGYANG?

**troy bolthan** : MOTHERFUCKER YOU KNOW HIM?

**arsonist** : HE’S FRIENDS WITH MY BROTHER LMAO

**knife cat** : KUN ?

**knife cat** : you know what that explains why i saw his name on one of his songs

**kazoo kid** : ah yes kun the world’s most perfect man,

**twix** : kuns also dating one of my brothers best friends which is Hilarious to me

**epcot ball** : ten’s like a second brother to you don’t even lie to us like that

**remjun** : jisung has four (4) people that have practally raised him

**remjun** : taeyong, ten, mark, and jaemin

**twix** : true

**the real lee minho** : what abt chan who Literally adopted most of the chat

**remjun** : .

**remjun** : Jisung Has Five (5) People Now

**chad** : no one told me i was gonna be a father at age 23 yet Here I Am .

**kazoo kid** : the fact that that many people influenced that kid. it Terrifies me. 

**kazoo kid** : WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE

**kazoo kid** : WE GOT SIDETRACKED AGAIN

**sunshine** : yall got Fooled

**vore** : Two-Timed

**troy bolthan** : Bamboozled 

**stringbean** : Bambam?

**pubby** : bambam,,,

**stronk** : Bambam,,,

**chad** : i can still hear his skrrtskrrt in the distance,,,

**kazoo kid** : @ **KNIFE CAT**

**kazoo kid** : GET YOUR ASS IN HERE WERE NOT DONE W YOU

**kazoo kid** : TELL US EVERYTHING 

**kazoo kid** : FROM THE TOP

**sunshine** : make it drop?

**vancoolver** : make it drop?

**sunshine** : :0 !!!

**sunshine** : Great Minds Think Alike

**vancoolver** : ayyye !

**epcot ball** : i can’t believe mark came back to the chat just to quote wap

**kazoo kid** : JAEMIN FUCKING GET IN HERE

**knife cat** : OK

**knife cat** : JESUS

**knife** : IT’S NOT REALLY AN INTERESTING STORY BUT WHATEVER

**knife cat** : GATHER ROUND KIDS ITS STORY TIME APPARENTLY

**sunshine** : STORIES

**kazoo kid** : love you jaemin :DD

**knife cat** : its Story Time

**knife cat** : which means Shut The Fuck Up

**knife cat** : Especially You Donghyuck

**knife cat** : but not you felix you’re a delight

**sunshine** : :D!!!!

**knife cat** : so i’m in my principles to botany class right, because i needed a science w a lab this year

**remjun** : lmao your dumbass thought botany was gonna be abt robots so thats why you registered for it

**knife cat** : SO I GO IN THERE ON THE FIRST DAY

**knife cat** : and this boy couldn’t find the class so he got their late but most of the desks were already filled w people

**knife cat** : So This Boy Sits Next To Me

**knife cat** : and he was cute

**kazoo kid** : SO YOUVE BEEN CRUSHING SINCE AUGUST AND YOU NEVER TOLD US??????????

**knife cat** : ITS NOT CRUSHING IF I WAS JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION

**knife cat** : but lmao i did start crushing in september tho

**kazoo kid** : BITCH

**knife cat** : IN MY DEFENSE. SO DID HE

**knife cat** : AND WE WERE BOTH /VERY/ MUCH AWARE OF THAT

**knife cat** : so did we just flirt w each other in class for a solid two weeks straight? Maybe So

**twix** : oh my god is that why “botany pick up lines” is in your search history

**knife cat** : jisung.

**knife cat** : how on EARTH do you know that

**twix** : i taught myself hacking while i was bedridden

**twix** : i can see everything anyone here has searched up, closed out of, and is currently typing out with the simple press of a key

**twix** : none of you are safe.

**chad** : Oh My God.

**stronk** : wait holy fuck really?

**twix** : lmao nah i just know jaemins email password

**knife cat** : ANYWAY

**knife cat** : and yes we had Actual conversations despite only seeing each other two times a week and he just so happened to mention that he did, in fact, have a soundcloud

**knife cat** : and a pretty huge following on there which My God,

**knife cat** : AND

**knife cat** : he also came to class thinking we would learn about robots :)

**vancoolver** : oh my god ,,

**remjun** : dumbass solidarity

**arsonist** : two halfs of a Whole Idiot

**troy bolthan** : honestly? if ur relationship isn’t a dumbass and knows it/”smart” but actually a dumbass or a dumbass/dumbass solidarity pairing then What Are You Doing

**troy bolthan** : this goes for any duo for that matter

**pubby** : yeah but i’m Actually the one with functioning braincells

**stringbean** : ok “The Sun Is Currently On Fire”

**chad** : seungmin you know that’s anything But true

**chad** : we all share a single braincell that we pass around so much that it’s pretty much worn down

**chad** : but who just so happens to have it for most

of the time?

**chad** : .

**chad** : actually i don’t know

**troy bolthan** : one of the world’s greatest mysteries,,,

**sunshine** : whoever has the braincell This Time will forever remain,,,,, _Unsolved_

**arsonist** : Wait .

**arsonist** : jaemin, if you two already know that you like each other

**arsonist** : have you guys even gone on a date yet?

**knife cat** : does studying for midterms together count

**arsonist** : Absolutely Not

**knife cat** : then No

**troy bolthan** : WAIT

**troy bolthan** : JAEMIN IF WE HAD KNOWN YOU HAD A BOY WE WOULD’VE TOTALLY INVITED HIM TO THE HALLOWEEN PARTY :(

**knife cat** : lmao nah i think he already had somewhere to go that night

**troy bolthan** : LAMEEE

**arsonist** : OH YEAH LMAO kun and his friends had a halloween/birthday party for sicheng and they all dressed like disney princesses lmao

**arsonist** : honestly? i would’ve made a HOT belle

**arsonist** : but nah . i was an outdated meme from 2012 .

**sunshine** : can we see The Boy 👁👁

**arsonist** : i think there’s a group picture kun took w him in it hold on-

**arsonist** : [PrettyBoys.png]

**stronk** : WHOS THE ELSA,,,, WHO IS THAT

**remjun** : i’m Pretty sure changbin has a thing for strong men that are twice his height

**chad** : LMAO YOU’RE RIGHT

**troy bolthan** : HE DOES YOUR HONOR HE ABSOLUTELY DOES

**pubby** : LMAOOOOO

**stronk** : MAYBE SO??? THATS NOT A THING TO BE ASHAMED OF

**stronk** : wait is elsa The Boy? im not going for him if it is

**remjun** : nah that’s xuxi, he’s a friend of mine

**remjun** : he’s in your year, 6ft, pan, and single if you’re interested

**stronk** : CHANGBINS FIRST WIN !

**arsonist** : uhh yangyang’s the one dressed like ariel

**troy bolthan** : ohh

**troy bolthan** : OH.

**troy bolthan** : OH HE’S H*T

**sunshine** : DONT UNCENSOR IT COWARD HES HOT

**arsonist** : WAIT HE HAS AN IG

**arsonist** : @yangyang_x2

**arsonist** : JAEMIN YOU’RE ALREADY FOLLOWING HIM??

**knife cat** : YES???????

**stringbean** : jaemin i’m sorry but i’ve got his account pulled up and i’m frothing at the mouth

**pubby** : he’s cute i’ll give him that

**troy bolthan** : HHHHHHHHH

**sunshine** : I Have Decided To Pass Away

**sunshine** : HOW IS THIS BOY SO CUTE YET SO HOT AT THE SAME TIME THIS IS ILLEGAL

**knife cat** : i can’t believe yall are thirsting over him While I’m Here

**kazoo kid** : i thought you said you two weren’t dating tho

**knife cat** : you’re right but when have i Ever said that

**vancoolver** : but i thought you said that he wasn’t your boyfriend tho?

**knife cat** : I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE FOR HIM TO BE

**knife cat** : wait

**kazoo kid** : HA

**kazoo kid** : HE SAID IT

**arsonist** : HCNFNFCJND

**knife cat** : wait what the FUCK just happened

**kazoo kid** : DOESN’T MATTER GO FUCKING ASK THAT BOY ON A PROPER DATE BEFORE FELIX OR CISSIE DO

**troy boltha** n: WE,

**knife cat** : BUT FINALS ARE COMING UP AND WE’RE BOTH ON THE BRINK OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

**kazoo kid** : NO WE’VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THIS SLOWBURN BULLSHIT

**kazoo kid** : YOU WANT A BOYFRIEND?

**kazoo kid** : GO GET THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW

**kazoo kid** : DO IT FOR HIM

**kazoo kid** : DO IT FOR YOU

**kazoo kid** : DO IT FOR ME

**kazoo kid** : AND DO IT FOR THE LONELY GAYS IN THIS CHAT WHO WANT A BOYFRIEND BUT ARE EITHER TOO AWKWARD TO APPROACH SOMEONE THEY’VE NEVER MET OR TOO AFRAID TO USE DATING APPS LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD

**knife cat** : DONGHYUCK WHAT THE FUCK?????

**kazoo kid** : NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS GET OUT OF THE CHAT AND GO GET YOUR MAN

**knife cat** : I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE HIS DORM IS

**arsonist** : he’s in the one next to the library, dorm number 356 on the right, rommate’s xiao dejun

**kazoo kid** : HE’S IN THE ONE NEXT TO THE LIBRARY

**kazoo kid** : GO NOW

**knife cat** : YES SIR

**vancoolver** : hey guys uh

**vancoolver** : What The Fuck Did I Just Witness

**chad** : something normal tv can never even lay a single Finger on

**troy bolthan** : that was the greatest 3 minutes i’ve ever seen happen right in front of me

**stronk** : that was so inspirational i shed a tear

**epcot ball** : donghyuck i’ve known you for years and you’ve never done Anything like that what the fuck,,

**kazoo kid** : i’ve known jaemin for longer. it’s like a Tough Love thing i guess? i knew that if he didn’t do it

sometime soon he’d be in Disaster Gay Limbo for at least the reast of the semester.

**remjun** : i can attest to that. i love jaemin but he’s not the Greatest at confronting what he’s feelimg. he just covers up his emotions through compliments towards others, winking, and fingerguns.

**remjun** : a true blue gay at it’s finest

**vancoolver** : damn jaemin and donghyuck really did it for us disaster mlms huh

**vancoolver** : oh wait hyunjin ! do you still identify w mlm or nblm?

**stringbean** : nblm :) thanks for asking

**vancoolver** : np :)

**vancoolver** : damn they did it for the mlm/nblms in the chat huh

**stronk** : we thank you for your service other sunshine man

**the real lee minho** : as much as i loved watching whatever kdrama i just so happened to see with my own two eyes

**the real lee minho** : as someone currently in Like w someone. what donghyuck was yelling at jaemin about.

**the real lee minho** : it seemed like it came from the heart. like whatever he was telling him was what he truly wanted to hear from himself.

**vore** : oh?

**arsonist** : OH???

**pubby** : minho what are you Saying

**troy bolthan** : What Are You Laying Out On The Table Here, Good Sir

**the real lee minho** : what i’m laying out for yall is

**the real lee minho** : Donghyuck’s In Like With A Boy Too

**epcot ball** : RECORD SCRATCH

**twix** : oh SHIT

**vancoolver** : STOP THE PRESSES

**remjun** : mister lee can you Confirm this

**kazoo kid** : We’ll Cross That Bridge When We Get There See Y’all Later I Have Class

**remjun** : bitch it's s a Saturday

**epcot ball** : to quote my son

**epcot ball** : “I Have No Classes On Saturday. No One Does.”

**vore** : damn jisung has Six dads now

**twix** : Sick

  
  


-

  
  


**knife cat** : we’re going on a date tomorrow

**knife cat** : as boyfriends

**knife cat** : :)

**kazoo kid** : FUCK YEAH DUDE im proud of u

**stronk** : The Gays Keep On Winning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thus the kinda-sorta plot thickens,,,
> 
> (also i updated the tags just in case y'all wanna know what more you're getting into !)


	22. we're back in emo hours ig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day ??? of ao3 user houseofcyphers writing whatever comes into their head while listening to emo shit from 2011 and in the end none of it making any sense at All
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> troy bolthan - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> epcot ball - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> twix - (park) jisung

[ ** _twix_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_token emo_** _!_ ]

  
  


**remjun** : we

**remjun** : i mean we Know but why

**token emo** : i know donghyuck’s gonna come in here and tell the gc smth so i changed it so i wouldn’t have to do it later

**kazoo kid** : YALL GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

**kazoo kid** : FUCK YOU JISUNG IM NOT PREDICTABLE

**kazoo kid** : (im kidding my son ily and ur rawr xd phase)

**token emo** : I’m Going To Fucking Kill You

**arsonist** : jisung: rawr xD that means ily in dinosaur >.<

**epcot ball** : jisung: i made you a cookie :(( but i eated it :((

**vancoolver** : jisung: [human incarnation of those hot topic shirts with gir and tacos on them]

**token emo** : MARK.

**knife cat** : WHY ARE YALL BASHING MY BOY ON THIS FINE DAY

**token emo** : jaemin pls,, Help Me

**remjun** : No One Can Help You Now

**knife cat** : as a former emo kid myself, i can’t clown jisung because i did the Exact Same Thing

**epcot ball** : FORMER?

**remjun** : FORMER?

**kazoo kid** : jaemin even to this day you’re like *glomps on u* x3

**knife cat** : NO,, NO ,

**epcot ball** : THE WHEEZE RENJUN JUST LET OUT IS HE OK

**remjun** : everyone leave me alone for the next couple business days that killed me

**remjun** : wait

**remjun** : where Is everyone?

**kazoo kid** : are we the only ones here? 

**sunshine** : lmao nah i’ve just been watching everything unfold :D

**sunshine** : changbin jisung and chan are producing stuff, seungmin n hyunjin are studying for finals (f in the chat), and jeongin

**sunshine** : uh

**sunshine** : minho where’s jeongin?

**the real lee minho** : Jeongining

**sunshine** : Yeah

**the real lee minho** : i came here bc donghyuck was gonna spill smth and he Still hasn’t done it

**kazoo kid** : O YEAH

**kazoo kid** : ok so yall know how yedam sometimes updates me on the weird shit jisung does

**remjun** : yeah

**knife cat** : uhuh

**epcot ball** : Yup

**token emo** : how he What

**token emo** : how do you even have his number

**kazoo kid** : bc i thought he was cool? tf

**kazoo kid** : and he’s my #1 source for park jisung blackmail 

**token emo** : fucking traitor .

**kazoo kid** : so anyway

**kazoo kid** : this morning he texts me that jisung asked him if he wanted to grab lunch later and yedam said that he already had plans w some of his friends at that point

**kazoo kid** : and jisung just replies in perfect english

**kazoo kid** : “if you can’t hang then there’s the door”

**sunshine** : IIIIIIIII

**knife cat** : THATS MY SON

**sunshine** : DONT WANNA TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS TIIIIIME

**remjun** : i hate this i hate this So Much

**epcot ball** : Renjun’s Still Wheezing

**token emo** : .

**token emo** : I Don’t Regret That At All

**the real lee minho** : ok but jisung

**the real lee minho** : did you meet a girl at seventeen?

**sunshine** : DID SHE MEAN THE WORLD TO U,,,,

**token emo** : i hate you all i hate you all so fucking much

**stronk** : SO YOU GUYS DECIDED TO BE EMO WITHOUT ME HUH

**stronk** : SO WE’RE BACK IN EMO HOURS HUH

**sunshine** : YOU BETTT

**remjun** : oh god Oh Fuck

**the real lee minho** : seungmins everywhere feel a disturbance

**pubby** : i heard slander to my name and i came as fast as i could

**pubby** : Bitch

**the real lee minho** : BITCH

**the real lee minho** : WAIT

**the real lee minho** : CJANGBIN

**stronk** : CAUSE UR SUUUCH A PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY FACE

**the real lee minho** : WHERE’S THE OTHER TWO

**pubby** : Dumb and Dumber

**the real lee minho** : no seungmin that’s you and felix whenever yall decide to make food together

**pubby** : ohh gotcha

**pubby** : wait

**stronk** : chan’s passed the FUCK out surprisingly and jisung’s still here! just working and i’m just relaying out ur personal businesses

**token emo** : well

**token emo** : anyone else here airing out my business w/o me knowing ?

**sunshine** : hopefully it’s just yedam and changbin?

**knife cat** : sorry jisungie but yangyang knows about the time cheese ran out of your dorm room and you almost passed out again trying to catch him

**arsonist** : kun and ten both know about you binging nothing but awful america romance movies for all of midterms week and your unironic enjoyment of the notebook

**epcot ball** : i did show one of my classmates a photo of us at an exo concert years ago and they asked me why the scrawny fourteen year old looked like shit and i explained that you were so nervous beforehand that you threw up twice and were dehydrated to hell

**vancoolver** : johnny may or may not know about the time you begged me to teach you house of gold on ukulele even though we both didn’t know how to play the ukulele so we both tried to learn it but you gave up like after 30 minutes of trying to tune it :/ sorry

**the real lee minho** : gotta be honest. vernon knows about you trying to convince the group chat at 4 am why mr game and watch is the best smash character and says that he could still beat your ass as luigi

**sunshine** : .

**sunshine** : Nevermind Then. 

**stronk** : jisung keeps wheezing and it woke chan up other jisung I Am So Sorry

**token emo** : this just means that i need more blackmail on you guys.

**kazoo kid** : kid, you’ve known us for most of your young life. There’s Nothing You Don’t Already Know

**token emo** : ok then i’ll ask someone who knows what i don’t

**kazoo kid** : whuh

**token emo** : mark, what’s yuta hyung’s number

**vancoolver** : oh he got a new one hold on

**vancoolver** : WAIT HUH

**knife cat** : JISUNG NOCJBRNFHCJFF

**kazoo kid** : NOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO

**kazoo kid** : JISUNG,,, I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT,, JUST DON’T MESSAGE YUTA

**token emo** : anything ?

**arsonist** : GREAT LOOK WHAT YOU DID DONGHYUCK HE’S GONE MAD WITH POWER

**pubby** : wait huh

**the real lee minho** : wait Who

**remjun** : oh yuta’s one of our friends who has dirt on literally anyone and everyone

**epcot ball** : he has the pure innocent soul of an angel but you Will cry if he looks at you wrong

**knife cat** : one of the world’s nicest people but he literally has the _worst_ blackmail on everyone he knows

**knife cat** : and obviously We Don’t Want All That Out There

**stronk** : no one wants All That (the old tv show) Out There

**sunshine** : changbin have you even watched all that

**stronk** : have you?

**sunshine** : fair point

**pubby** : jisung ask who donghyuck’s crush is. that should be equal(ish) payback

**kazoo kid** : HUH

**knife cat** : OH?

**sunshine** : WE

**stronk** : EVIL SEUNGMIN MAKES HIS TRIUMPHANT RETURN

**stringbean** : I SENSED DRAMATIC SHIT WAS GOING DOWN AND I CAME HERE AS FAST AS I COULD

**vore** : GOD SAME

**chad** : AREN’T YOU TWO SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING

**stronk** : ARENT _YOU_ SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP FOR ONCE

**chad** : I WAS BUT YOU LET OUT THIS EVIL CACKLE AND I WAS LIKE ‘OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED NOW’

**troy bolthan** : EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP

**troy bolthan** : JISUNG ASK HIM ABOUT HIS CRUSH

**troy bolthan** : privately of course bc we dont condone public humiliation in this household

**token emo** : i mean . i Guess so

**token emo** : mainly bc idk what else to do

**token emo** : i’m not good at being evil

**remjun** : actually

**remjun** : 1) you speak informally to literally All of us

**remjun** : 2) youre a scorpio moon. i don’t trust like that.

**remjun** : 3) you made me dress up like every preteen on fanfic.nets dream boy back in 2010 and thats a crime on it’s own

**remjun** : 4) i dont trust people over 180 cm tall

**remjun** : you are an Evil child

**kazoo kid** : well you practically raised him so now we know where he gets it from

**remjun** : so did you. We All Did.

**remjun** : Now Get Out Of The Chat And Tell The Child Who Youre Simping Over So We Can All Go Back To Suffering From Finals Stress Like The Rest Of The World

**kazoo kid** : GOD

**kazoo kid** : FINE

**kazoo kid** : JISUNG CHECK YOUR DMS

**token emo** : k

**vore** : and now We Wait

**arsonist** : bets anyone?

**chad** : it’s most likely someone we don’t even know? so wouldn’t that be pointless?

**arsonist** : ok then channy boy guess you’ll be standing off to the side while the Cool Kids bet on who donghyuck’s crush is

**chad** : .

**chad** : ten bucks on some random barista

**arsonist** : thought so B)

**kazoo kid** : there it’s over and it’s done with

**token emo** : with every embarrassing thing donghyuck tells someone about me or new piece of information about me he gets w/o me knowing, a hint about who it is gets slipped also

**kazoo kid** : WE-

**kazoo kid** : WE DID NOT AGREE ON THAT

**the real lee minho** : damn,, our evilness is rubbing off on him

**stringbean** : i mean he’s not threatening to stick tissue paper in other people’s mouths Just yet but still p evil

**the real lee minho** : . 

**the real lee minho** : hyunjin where are you rn

**stringbean** : None Of Your Concern

**pubby** : still in the library

**stringbean** : _NO_.

**the real lee minho** : :)

**token emo** : i am a man of my word and won’t spill unless things are spilled first but can i just say

**token emo** : donghyuck i feel So Sorry for you

**kazoo kid** : I’M AWARE

**vancoolver** : f in the chat :/

**knife cat** : rip

**sunshine** : press f to pay respects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the last chapter of the year! seriously thank you all so so much for the love you've shown for this silly little fic :(( as you may have seen i Am planning out more and more lil arcs and i think i do have a plan for how to end it eventually? (not anytime soon tho) and hopefully i'll write even more for it in 2021!
> 
> happy new year y'all !


	23. im gonna fling myself into the sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt proof read this one at All
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> troy bolthan - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> epcot ball - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> token emo - (park) jisung

**epcot ball** : remember when mark moved here years ago

**epcot ball** : tiny little 12 y/o baby faced mark in the grade above us

**epcot ball** : and we were all like “This Boy Could Do No Wrong Ever”

**epcot ball** : until donghyuck Corrupted him

**kazoo kid** : STOP BLAMING ME FOR SHIT I DIDNT DO

**arsonist** : start blaming donghyuck for shit he didnt do

**kazoo kid** : NO

**epcot ball** : fellas i hate to break it to yall but it’s not Bully Donghyuck hours

**kazoo kid** : Thank You Jeno

**remjun** : aww :/

**kazoo kid** : WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN AWW

**kazoo kid** : is what we have not Special to you

**kazoo kid** : Im Hurt Renjun

**kazoo kid** : Youre My Oldest and Closest Friend

**kazoo kid** : 14 Whole Years of Friendship

**kazoo kid** : Do Those Mean Nothing To You

**remjun** : donghyuck i would literally sell your soul for a single cornchip

**troy bolthan** : what fucking kdrama Is this

**stringbean** : jisung shut the fuck up i’m Spectating 

**troy bolthan** : BITCH SO AM I?

**the real lee minho** : don't mind them Please continue

**chad** : you’re really only here for the drama aren’t you minho

**the real lee minho** : i am here to observe chaos and to Create Chaos Only

**stronk** : and to tell us how your dates with vernon go

**the real lee minho** : chenle ive only known you for four months but if i ever see you in person again I Will Fling You Into The Sun

**vore** : he will fling you into felix

**the real lee minho** : I Will Fling You Into Felix

**sunshine** : i

**sunshine** : thank you ???

**kazoo kid** : hey uhh im starting a kickstarter to put renjun down. the benefits of killing him would be i get bullied way l

**chad** : wh- why’d he get cut off??

**vore** : He Got K Worded

**troy bolthan** : k*lled?

**stringbean** : kazoo’d?

**sunshine** : kidded?

**vore** : the Real kazoo kid got to him

**kazoo kid** : maybe the Real renjuns were the kazoo kids we made along the way

**token emo** : popping in just to say

**stringbean** : hehe popping i get it

**stringbean** : cause Dance Major

**the real lee minho** : Hyunjin, You Have Seven Days.

**token emo** : whjvhvdsvjkh

**stringbean** : minho whats that supposed to mean

**stringbean** : MINHO WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

**token emo** : what i was gonna say is that

**knife cat** : everyone hush! Let Him Speak

**token emo** : i think besides me, renjun’s the most soft towards donghyuck

**token emo** : not rlly in the “uwu i would die for you” kind of way, no he wouldn’t do that with all of us

**token emo** : but more in the “you’re a very dear friend to me and i genuinely love you and i express my love differently than others so i pick on you and tease you to show affection. but in a playful way in which it’s not actually harmful”

**token emo** : and even if renjun crosses a line, he immediately apologizes and is sincere abt it

**token emo** : we always joke about him being a tiny goblin of a man who would sell all of us to the flying dutchman for 62 cents but we rlly know that he cares about all of us and he shows it more irl than in the chat

**kazoo kid** : SAY IT LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK

**arsonist** : PREACH!!! PREACH!!! PREACH!!!

**pubby** : i arrive to a kdrama and friends loving each other no one talk to me i’m Emotional

**chad** : remjun seungmin

🤝

expressing their feelings

differently than opthers and

are the most adorable people

on the planet and i’m not wrong

**troy bolthan** : YEAH

**sunshine** : YUP THAT SOUNDS RIGHT

**epcot ball** : renjun’s crying rn

**remjun** : NO IM NOT FUCK YOU

**kazoo kid** : AWW HE LOVES US

**kazoo kid** : I MEAN WBK BUT :(((

**vancoolver** : I WAS IN CLASS AND MISSED LOVING AND APPRECIATING RENJUN HOURS

**arsonist** : BITCH IT’S STILL LOVING AND APPRECIATING RENJUN HOURS

**epcot ball** : renjun in the chat: fuck u guys

renjun irl, in tears: im gonna draw them so many thingsshsdjsvf

**vancoolver** : did jeno get Got

**vore** : he got Got

**stringbean** : Got7?

**pubby** : Yes Hyunjin, He Got Got 7 Times

**pubby** : that or Got7 got him

**chad** : i mean,, it Was either Now Or Never

**troy bolthan** : i mean today Is Thursday

**vore** : he better Pray for his life

**vore** : or he’ll Never Ever get it back

**stringbean** : chances of survival? Zero

**stronk** : at the correct time too,

**sunshine** : Just Right if you will

**stronk** : FUCKER I WAS GONNA SAY IT

**sunshine** : hehe

**knife cat** : i feel like i woke up in another dimension

**epcot ball** : i have escaped the grasp of his tiny evil hands

**epcot ball** : anyways remember when i brought up mark and how he got corrupted

**vancoolver** : how you brought up Who

**vancoolver** : how i got What

**epcot ball** : listen

**epcot ball** : when you first got here you looked like if you said ‘damn’ you’d apologize Profusely

**epcot ball** : and now you’re arguably the worst here when it comes to swearing

**vancoolver** : hey that wasn’t hyuck’s corruption, i moved here, mom moved in w johnny’s dad, I Am Now Allowed To Swear Around The House

**vancoolver** : as long as mom isn’t home

**knife cat** : i think i’m the one in the group that swears the Least

**stringbean** : DONT LIE TO US?

**stringbean** : you literally say “dont say the f word” and 5 minutes later youre like “jesus Fucking christ”

**knife cat** : EXACTLY

**knife cat** : THATS HOW BAD EVERYONE SWEARS

**knife cat** : _ESPECIALLY_ JISUNG

**kazoo kid** : i literally taught that kid how to say fuck

**kazoo kid** : watch this, jisung say fuck

**token emo** : Fuck

**kazoo kid** : that’s my SON

**troy bolthan** : also hyunjin that same logic applies to chan as well??

**pubby** : yeah he’s like “k kids set a good example and dont fucking swear”

**kazoo kid** : YEAHHH

**kazoo kid** : omg lil teeny 11 y/o jisung would cry if he said any word in a loud tone but now his mouths like a sailor

**kazoo kid** : I Raised A Monster

**knife cat** : wait hyuck-

**knife cat** : hyuck that was an embarrassing jisung fact

**epcot ball** : Eye Emoji

**troy bolthan** : OH?

**kazoo kid** : ???

**kazoo kid** : wait

**arsonist** : LMAOOO

**kazoo kid** : WAIT

**stringbean** : WHEEZEESSTFDF

**vancoolver** : QUICK JISUNG WHATS SMTH ABOUT HIM

**vore** : EXPOSE HIM BACK! EXPOSE HIM BACK! 

**kazoo kid** : jisung, jisung Please

**token emo** : :)

**kazoo kid** : JISUDNFBHJDG

**arsonist** : QUICK SAY IT SAY IT NOW

**stringbean** : SPILLLL

**token emo** : anybody got a question

**the real lee minho** : Who Is It

**token emo** : i cant say names bc im not That big of an asshole

**token emo** : but its certainly Someone

**pubby** : is he older or younger than him

**sunshine** : OOO good question

**stronk** : quick donghyuck how old are you

**kazoo kid** : NOTHING I DONT EXIST

**kazoo kid** : DO NOT PERCIEVE ME

**remjun** : his birthday’s june 6th 2000

**kazoo kid** : RENJUN.

**token emo** : older

**kazoo kid** : SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

**stronk** : BY HOW MUCH

**token emo** : that’s another fact for another slip up you all got ur fact

**kazoo kid** : im gonna fling myself into the exosphere

**knife cat** : so OLDER he says

**the real lee minho** : hopefully not too much of an age difference like changbin tends to have

**stronk** : Are You Trying To Imply That I Only Wanna Date Older Men

**the real lee minho** : maybe so

**stronk** : first of all Fuck You

**stronk** : second of all i don’t always like older men!!!

**remjun** : changbin whens your birthday

**stronk** : ,,, august 11 ‘99

**remjun** : xuxi, the guy in the elsa costume you were thirsting over?

**remjun** : older than you by 7 months.

**stronk** : .

**troy bolthan** : WHJKDGHGHJDGDKJGHD

**chad** : AAAHAHHAHAHSHA

**stronk** : hyuck im joining you i dont wanna be here anymore

**kazoo kid** : Solidarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> classes started back up,, rip


	24. art major problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey besties :D just a lil short chapter that's not rlly that important, just wanted to post a quick 2 am update ! i'm sorry if some of the characters didn't get as much lines as they should've :(
> 
> also i didn't rlly proof read it whoops i'm tired
> 
> chad - chan  
> the real lee minho - minho  
> stronk - changbin  
> stringbean - hyunjin  
> troy bolthan - (han) jisung  
> sunshine - felix  
> pubby - seungmin  
> vore - jeongin  
> vancoolver - mark  
> remjun - renjun  
> epcot ball - jeno  
> kazoo kid - donghyuck  
> knife cat - jaemin  
> arsonist - chenle  
> token emo - (park) jisung

**kazoo kid** : renjun stop getting hand injuries challenge

**remjun** : hyuck stop worrying about me challenge

**kazoo kid** : fine then someone’s not getting my sanrio band aids ://

**remjun** : no fuck u gimme the my melody ones

**chad** : wait

**chad** : HUH

**knife cat** : remjun pls stop tearing up ur hands they’re Important

**remjun** : yeah uh can’t rlly do that one cheif

**chad** : renjun why are you injured?? what happened?

**remjun** : oh lmao i’m majoring in fine arts

**epcot ball** : a dumbass decision really

**epcot ball** : im kidding follow your dreams renjun

**remjun** : im so fucking close to dropping out i am So Fucking Close

**remjun** : quick someone give me motivation to not quit

**vore** : the food’s not terrible here

**remjun** : True

**chad** : you at least get to have a sense of accomplishment when it’s all over!

**chad** : as well as a crushing amount of debt

**remjun** : Gross

**kazoo kid** : you get to be around me all the time :D 

**remjun** : good news ! i’m dropping out Tomorrow

**kazoo kid** : BITCH

**remjun** : :P

**vore** : ok but hyung can u Pls explain why your hands are all messed up i am of the Concerned 

**stringbean** : take that as a good thing, i once tripped and all he did was Laugh

**vore** : As I Was Helping You Up

**remjun** : uhh ok so

**remjun** : i am indeed. a fine arts major

**remjun** : which means i have classes that involve me working with tools and junk

**remjun** : fine arts isn’t all just painting and hating your life No It’s Getting Calluses and wasting your money on bandaids instead of food and art supplies

**remjun** : and it’s like ma’am i just wanna do paint commissions for the rest of my life can i pls Not work with a powerdrill you never taught us how to use properly and a rusty dull box knife

**remjun** : so! bc of all that! I Am Very Prone To Injury

**chad** : what class is this????

**remjun** : three dimensional design

**remjun** : i was supposed to take it my first year but the advisors couldn’t fit the available classes for it in my schedule.

**remjun** : for three. entire. fucking. semesters.

**remjun** : and now i’m stuck with a bunch of freshman on tuesdays from 8 am to 11 am drilling holes in plastic and wasting my money on new xacto knife blades

**vore** : oh damn, that Sucks

**token emo** : damn did i miss renjun ranting about his major again

**arsonist** : don’t worry i just got here too

**pubby** : i sensed misery and i came Rushing In, but it’s not from minho so now i feel bad

**pubby** : im kidding you guys always blow up my notifs

**the real lee minho** : damn a big ol fuck you to you too

**epcot ball** : renjun: i aspire to get my bfa just to paint my friends quality paintings because that’s what they deserve and to also get better at bookmaking

**troy bolthan** : BOOKMAKING?????

**remjun** : YEAH

**remjun** : AND WHAT OF IT

**token emo** : renjun shut up you’re already good at bookmaking

**kazoo kid** : oh my god on the 4th anniversary of us all becoming friends he literally made us all little tiny journals with paper he made himself

**kazoo kid** : sewn and bound by hand and all

**kazoo kid** : I May Have Cried

**remjun** : he cried

**kazoo kid** : so did he

**remjun** : Maybe So

**remjun** : but not as much as jaemin holy fuck that boy bawled his eyes out and i Still don’t know why

**knife cat** : MF YOU?????

**knife cat** : you spent months painstakingly working on each page and designing the covers and spending money on stuff to make pulp n shit to make us all little books i felt just. really grateful to have you as a friend we love you So Much

**knife cat** : i use mine as a casual diary and showed it to yangyang last week and he was like “where’d you get it?” and i said “my best friend made that for me :)” and he was legit like “:0!!!”

**chad** : oh that’s so sweet :(

**sunshine** : I’m Actually Crying no one look at me

**pubby** : me too actually Fuck

**vancoolver** : yeah!! i use mine to write down lyrics in!

**arsonist** : OH YEAH THE JOURNALS!! i used that to take notes for one of my comp classes

**sunshine** : YOU MEAN THE ONE WE BOTH HAD didn’t it have like grey pages?? like you had toned paper that’s so cool

**arsonist** : YUP YUP THAT’S CORRECT

**epcot ball** : i May have picked up scrapbooking and put pictures of you guys in it but you didn’t hear that from me

**epcot ball** : as well as pictures from the halloween party so Everyone Here’s in it as well

**stronk** : f uck

**vore** : do u want me to cry more than i already am

**stringbean** : no bc fuck you actually i’m sobbing

**the real lee minho** : Fuck Off Actually

**pubby** : translation for all of those: we feel really flattered and we’re happy that we’re friends and that we’ve gotten closer. we treasure your presence. 

**sunshine** : AWW JENO :((((

**token emo** : i use mine to write down weird dreams i had so i won’t forget them

**token emo** : like the one where i was

**token emo** : shudders

**token emo** : a theater major

**troy bolthan** : HCNFHFBD

**sunshine** : ur talking to the boy who played marius in their freshman year in the university musical Dont Rag On Theater Kids

**token emo** : felix im literally listening to hadestown as we speak

**sunshine** : TASTE

**stringbean** : gross Two theater kids

**sunshine** : ok connor murphy from your high school musical production

**stringbean** : SHUT YOUR MOUTH OLIVER TWIST

**epcot** : wait donghyuck what about yours? we dont rlly see you with it

**kazoo kid** : eh its more of a diary ig than anything else

**stronk** : hell yeah Diary Gang except it’s not a ohysocal diary it’s my private twitter account

**troy bolthan** : ehehe i have BOTH

**chad** : i have two physical diaries, two private twitters, a vent account from high school, my notes from college, AND at least twelve notes in bottles i’ve let out into the sea from when i last visited my family back in australia

**chad** : get on my level

**pubby** : Jesus Christ Sir

**remjun** : actually. finals can wait im gonna go but newspaper so i can go make some pulp

**remjun** : if i get a head start Right Now they’ll be done by christmas and for all eight of you

**vore** : f-for us? :’0

**stronk** : Ä

**sunshine** : AHHHHH

**epcot ball** : renjun No you are Not getting water on the dorm room carpet again

**token emo** : wait. 

**token emo** : donghyuck let me as you smth

**token emo** : it’s about [redacted]

**token emo** : it’s not a fact about him i swear

**kazoo kid** : kid ur on thin fucking ice

**kazoo kid** : one word and i’ll expose the person You have a crush on

**kazoo kid** : WAIT FUCK

**token emo** : .

**arsonist** : JISUNG?????

**knife cat** : THE OERSON HE HAS A WHAT ON

**sunshine** : HUH WHAT WAIT HOLD ON

**the real lee minho** : OH??????

**token emo** : .

**token emo** : donghyuck do you write in that tiny journal about your feelings for [redacted], who is a mutual friend of ours.

**kazoo kid** : you know what i deserved that

**epcot ball** : because you accidentally aired out his business again?

**kazoo kid** : no uh i wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about jisungs crush

**token emo** : i didn’t really want people finding out about it, but donghyuck found out about it a few weeks ago on accident so. yeah

**token emo** : im just gonna

**token emo** : go for a bit

**arsonist** : wait, jisung??

**sunshine** : jisung :(

**knife cat** : ok bby, i’ll try and get you some food later

**remjun** : .

**remjun** : what. on Earth did i just come back to

**kazoo kid** : i uh

**kazoo kid** : i Fucked Up really bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sike this was kind of an important update
> 
> anyways the next chapter's gonna be mostly written out so expect that like,, around march. i have two projects due monday and midterms are soon and i'm Stressed.
> 
> hope yall have a good day/night!!

**Author's Note:**

> there won't be an update schedule btw


End file.
